Eva wrote:I was the oldest of three kids. The younger two were only 18 months apart, so my parents always refered to their three children as "Eva and the little ones." I felt somewhere between being an adult and a child. Also, I was always left in charge of them, but without any real authority.
Hmmm...thinking about how that relates to work.
I am also third-generation self-employed.
I work alone, but contract with photographers, designers, etc. to get work accomplished for my clients. So, I am their boss, but not really.
I guess you're right.
Very observant, Deb.
Interesting. Does it suit you?
jpinMilwaukee wrote:I would love to be more consistently organized.
Besides that, my middle child angst mixed with my tendancy to offer my opinion about things, sometimes get me into trouble. Sometimes that is good and sometimes that is bad. I wouldn't actually like to give that up, but maybe just try to distinguish between the good times and the bad times and be able to hold my tounge for the latter.
Is that a dynamic, creative, generative, sort of tension for you? Or more like a familiar dance that never changes? Sounds good....but I thought i would ask. Tensions and fault lines can be where we really grow, methinks.
Acquiunk wrote:dlowan wrote:Get fired in order to live up to a cognitive schema?
Nope.
But what about YOU?
I'm an Archaeologist..nuff said.
SO isn't.
MORE!!!!!
Also a child of an alcoholic who works to solve other people's conflict but I don't seem to mind having some of my own too much (hmmmm, puts a new light on our tarbaby discussion about triangulation).
I'm the youngest of four, very independent (in life and in work), and I manage to irritate the hell out of some people quite quickly. I have a strong personality and some people never get past that, but most people see me as a caring person.
Deb, are you feeling like you can't (or shouldn't) be yourself in your new group?
dlowan wrote:Eva wrote:I was the oldest of three kids. The younger two were only 18 months apart, so my parents always refered to their three children as "Eva and the little ones." I felt somewhere between being an adult and a child. Also, I was always left in charge of them, but without any real authority.
Hmmm...thinking about how that relates to work.
I am also third-generation self-employed.
I work alone, but contract with photographers, designers, etc. to get work accomplished for my clients. So, I am their boss, but not really.
I guess you're right.
Very observant, Deb.
Interesting. Does it suit you?
Well, it's comfortable, if that's what you mean.
I'm a responsible oldest child who has just announced that I will no longer "stepmother" my six stepsons, the youngest of whom is thirty-five.
Caregiver/caretaker for a mentally eroding spouse is quite enough on my plate, thank you. (None of the six are offering much support in this department).
Buddha said you could carry only 86 burdens and my knapsack is full.
Do I feel guilty? Nope--liberated.
Lol!
No...is it GOOD?
(That's to Eva)
On ya Noddy!!!!!
YAYYYYYY!!!!
dlowan wrote:Is that a dynamic, creative, generative, sort of tension for you? Or more like a familiar dance that never changes? Sounds good....but I thought i would ask. Tensions and fault lines can be where we really grow, methinks.
Part creative and part a dance that never changes.
I am a graphic designer that works for a company that isn't creative in the least. When I have the chance to be creative I am often micro-managed to death and my creativity is dictated to me. This causes an extreme build-up of creative juice pressure that I just can't seem to release. It also, at the same time, destroys my creativity and therefore I find it difficult to release my ideas outside of work. When your creativity is dictated to you it makes it hard to be creative on your own. It really is a case of use it or lose it.
This has a two-fold effect of making me very unsatisfied at work and very bitter for not being able to express myself. So, my creativity turns to frustration and resentment until I can't hold it in any longer and tell poeple exactly what I think of their ideas.
But, I have always told people the truth.. no holds barred. I have people in my life that come to me when they are ready to hear the truth because they know they will get it from me... other people avoid me for the same reason.
bm
Very interesting thread, Deb!
Be back later!
I would really like to respond to this thread, I might do it later.
I'm the youngest of four. I learned early on that
.... I could DO just about whatever I wanted as long as I made an effort to stay off of anyone's radar.
... I could GET just about whatever I wanted if I could convince someone that it was their idea to give it to me.
Both of these skills have served me well in both my personal and professional life.
2nd born am I, 1st born died age 3, I was always the one that lived, unfortunately.
Nonono.
Fortunately, dys. Fortunately.
(It is, however, unfortunate if your family referred to you that way.)
I'm both first and last.
My mother was very young when I was born so we lived with my grandparents until I was about 8, then my mom had another baby {little sister} and we got our own place. I lived with my mom but still spent most weekends and school breaks with my grandparents. When I was 12ish my grandfather was working out of town a lot so I moved in with my grandmother to keep her company....things were reversed then, spending weekends at my moms now. A few years later my mom ended up moving to KC, and I stayed with my grandparents. Besides my mom, who is the oldest she has a brother, he was 14 when I was born.
So for a part of my younger life I was the oldest, but it always felt more as if I were the baby of three kids. Most people in town think of us that way, and most have even forgotten that I really am a grandchild, until my mom comes for a visit, and mentions something about her "son"....she's had a few people question her about that, and it really hurts her feelings.
My sister moved back when she was 20...and after living 15 or so years apart, I once again took the place of older sibling. So usually when I'm around her, I take on the role of the more organised one, the straightfoward nononsence one...the boss. And the opposite when my mom and her brother are here...usually only twice a year...{Christmas, etc} but I still fall into my place as the baby. I set back and let them talk, maybe adding a comment here and there, usually a silly comment, and waiting for the cookies to be done...cause I get the first one.
I'm self employed, an extreme perfectionist with my craft, and not real easy to work for...I tend to be very demanding. I'm not much for silliness or unnecessary talk while working, I generally set the tone and the speed at which we work, and don't like deviations from those. But when not working, I'm very carefree and laid back, basically the total opposite.
I see my work habits as being similar to being the older sibling, when something needs to be done, I'm the one to do it...step back and watch and learn. While not working, I slip into the youngest sibling mode...I couldn't care less if the sky fell in....I'm just here for the ride.
I'm the youngest of 2 daughters.
Actually, my parents had 3 daughters in all, but daughter no 2 died before I was born.
I was given daughter no 2's name. The replacement, I guess. Thanks, M & D!
Role in the family?: A sort of Henry Kissinger/UN role. It was my job to make peace between the waring factions in the family. Keep the wheels turning smoothly, so to speak. As in : "Mom doesn't understand why you .....", etc, etc, etc ...
I was also the confidant: "Don't tell your mother, or your sister, but ....."
I was also considered the smartest, the most together & blessed with not having any problems what-so-ever of my own. So lucky!
The family members I felt happiest with we're always the cats! :wink:
To this very day I have to fight the urge to find "right" solutions to other folks' problems. Whether they want them or not!
To not listen to secrets I don't really want to know about, meant only for my ears.
To try not to find too many excuses for appalling behaviour.
& most of all ... to stop bloody rescuing drowning folk! Enough, already!
<sigh>
Oh my, gave you the same name?!
That right there set a template that had to have been... difficult.
It was strange, soz. They never spoke about daughter no 2. (or msolga no 1!) But her death obviously had a huge impact on my mother. She couldn't make much of a connection to me at all. Unless, of course, I was busily resolving family conflict! Weird, hey?
That was my other question -- if you had the same name, how did they refer to her? The first msolga? The dearly departed msolga? :eek:
As I was composing the question I realized that a family that would do that (name a newborn after a dead child) would likely not speak of the dead child.
This is all so... Victorian!
I'm understanding things you've said about your family more fully now (well, I already understood, but that is an extra layer).
Thanks, soz. I'm getting a better handle on the whole family deal now, too! It took a long time & quite a bit of therapy, on & off, but I'm getting there!
I am an only child too. I had lots of friends but loved being alone. That trait continues till today.
Child of an alcoholic father. Frequent fights at home and disliked my mom, loved my dad. Wanted to run away (but always hung around because of my dad). I remain, till today, an escapist. I tend to run away from problems, especially fights.
And yes, i have always been everyone's confidante
- and i've loved that.
dlowan wrote:Lol!
No...is it GOOD?
(That's to Eva)
At this stage in my life, comfortable IS good!
More seriously...people do gravitate to whatever is familiar. I suppose that explains a lot of why we repeat childhood patterns.
