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Mon 13 Feb, 2006 01:03 pm
I know that sounds weird, but I had a kind of epiphany at work the other day (it SHOULDN'T have been an epiphany, since it was as plain as day, but nemmind.)
In my family, my older sister was perfect, right? Now, for somebody perfect, she was damned nice about it, and not ABSOLUTELY perfect, bless her, but...it was her job to be perfect, and she was made of just the right metal for it:
1. Very pretty
2. Dying (but we didn't know that...I mean we kids didn't.)
3. Naturally very well behaved, clean, tidy, quiet (well, not with me), "contained", liked girly stuff.
4. Wise and temperate.
Now, with a sister like that, what's a little sister to do?
You guessed it...
I was:
1. Less pretty
2. Dying at the normal rate for a human being.
3. Attracted dirt like Pig Pen in Charlie Brown (still do...it's weird, but there it is); constantly forgetting boundaries...leaving the yard and dispppearing (as a TODDLER! And ongoing...usually to be found wherever there was a horse, some kind of natural feature, frogs, lizards, insects, anything messy and interesting); NOT quiet (and goils were sposed to be back then); goily stuff was ok for a while, but hell, there was mud and stuff in the world to play in, pipes to crawl down, trees to climb; UNcontained.
4. Endlessly curious (so was she, but quiet about it), rebellious, (at home only, not at school), always had to do what I was told not to, anxious and restless...
well, you get the picture.....
Anyhoo, my epiphany was that, in my work life, I have always been chosen the teams of people in any organization, where possible, that is THE NAUGHTY LITTLE SIBLING!
I have generally happily worked with the rebels, the ones who won't keep quiet and keep annoying the important, serious people, by pointing out what is not right, not doing as we are told, because we think what they want us to do sucks...the "new" team, who ought to be quiet and listen to our elders, but don't.
Now, we are always creative and innovative and very dedicated, and try new stuff and such....but we annoy the **** out of people in charge. We get grudging respect for our quality, but jesus, won't we EVER shut up and just go along?
Talk about like calling to like! Now...how did they KNOW I was like that at an interview, when I behaved myself?
Anyway, NOW I am with a team whose personality (in general) is more like that of the good girl! Not monolithically...but that is the team character.
Does this mean I have to grow up?
Waaaaaah!
How do your childhood dynamics play out in your work/play life etc.?
Is it for good or ill?
How aware are you of the pattern?
Of course, psychologically, you equate being "good" with dying....
You could always conspire to get tossed off the team thereby confirming your persona and your track record.
Lol!
Nah.
But it sure is a great cognitive selector of goodness.
Acquiunk wrote:You could always conspire to get tossed off the team thereby confirming your persona and your track record.
Get fired in order to live up to a cognitive schema?
Nope.
But what about YOU?
I'm thinking, I dunno!
I'm an only child, and have goody-goody tendencies, but then I also seem to hang out with (and enjoy) the naughty little sibling people, so I'm not sure...!
Do onlies just have all these different traits mixed up? (Oldest, youngest, middlest...)
My dad has hearing damage from working around noisy machinery and flying airplanes.
I still shout into the phone; drives my wife nuts.
sozobe wrote:I'm thinking, I dunno!
I'm an only child, and have goody-goody tendencies, but then I also seem to hang out with (and enjoy) the naughty little sibling people, so I'm not sure...!
Do onlies just have all these different traits mixed up? (Oldest, youngest, middlest...)
Damned if I know...I have only been the youngest of three, then two, then an only.
And you enjoy us for our iconoclastic charm, and the amusement factor. And we say stuff you SO want to........
DrewDad wrote:My dad has hearing damage from working around noisy machinery and flying airplanes.
I still shout into the phone; drives my wife nuts.
Well, yes, but something more interesting, please...closer to the bone.....
Three?
I don't think I knew there was another sibling, too. Your sister I knew about.
As for me, about the only thing along these lines I can think of (though I'm interested in learning more) is that my peacemaker tendencies are evidently textbook for a child of an alcoholic.
sozobe wrote:Three?
I don't think I knew there was another sibling, too. Your sister I knew about.
As for me, about the only thing along these lines I can think of (though I'm interested in learning more) is that my peacemaker tendencies are evidently textbook for a child of an alcoholic.
Yeah, three...number one (a half sib, MANY years older) disappeared into silence when I was three....later proved to be a very sad but very nasty piece of work...but I adored him as a wee kid, as you do a much older brother...what made me weirdish and piquant, but sort of strong, except where I amn't...which is NOT a pretty sight.... turned him into an 'orrible personality disorder, incapable of sustaining work, or anything else....I'd say poor fella, but he's the reason I am very careful about personal security, oh, that and the job...
Hmm..I am the daughter of an alcoholic, too......but I don't always, as you may have noticed, make peace.....interesting. I DID try at home, though, between parents. Never worked.
Hmmmmmm....
Any other roles you had as a kid you still fulfil?
Hmmm...you've worked on a number of committees, dysfunctional ones, where those in charge weren't, and you just had to get on with it...(remind you of anything?)...or was it only one?
I did between parents, and between my dad and his mom (my grandma). I have tendencies but they're not too overwhelming -- I seem to have more of a stomach for conflict than the textbook case.
Interesting about #3.
Trying to think of other childhood roles -- definitely caretaker, from early on.
That's one of those words that I think are right but are squint-inducing -- how can caretaker and caregiver be synonymous...? :-?
LOL!!!!
I will tell you:
• caretaker
n. one who watches over someone or something, one who takes care of someone or something; servant; (British) janitor Wikipedia English - Free Encyclopedia
• Caretaker
The Caretaker is also the name of a play by Harold Pinter
For the pilot episode of Star Trek: Voyager, see Caretaker (Voyager episode).
The word "caretaker" may have numerous meanings, but the most common two are (1) a person or persons who cares for a property in exchange for rent-free living accommodations and (2) temporary government which takes control until a stable rule can be restored.
• caregiver
n. one who provides medical or nursing treatment Wikipedia English - Free Encyclopedia
• Voluntary caregiver
Voluntary caregiver is the modern terminology for an unpaid spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. While the term "caregiver" may also apply to many professional providers of services, the words "voluntary caregiver" are broadly used to describe those individuals other than parents whose contributions are normally not compensated as employment.
Clever question!
The definitions are limited, methinks.
What do you want, stuff like "the appearance makes the reality" so I live(d) in denial of bad things?
I was a neglected child so my default reaction to conflict is to withdraw?
Those were the easy ones to figure out....
DrewDad wrote:What do you want, stuff like "the appearance makes the reality" so I live(d) in denial of bad things?
I was a neglected child so my default reaction to conflict is to withdraw?
Those were the easy ones to figure out....
I "want" whatever you feel comfortable to give.....real, silly, funny, sad..whatever. No more, no less.
Oh, and the "default" reaction of some neglected kids is aggression, or frenzied activity.
I come from a family of 3 siblings as well (I'm the middle.. and yes I do have middle child angst). There is an obvious progression in the three of us.
Oldest brother: very regimented, less social (not so much now but was in younger days), uber-organized and less likely to offend.
Younger sister: flies by the seat of her pants, has more friends than can keep up with and makes at least one more every weekend, doesn't see the point in organization if she already knows where everything is, usually tells it like it is.
Me: a pretty good mix of the both of them.
Being aware of this has actually had a huge impact on my life... both work and play. I am un-organized but know that I like things clean (aftet they get to dirty) so I strive to try to keep things in their place. I usually fail at this but everyso often enough is enough and I put everything away.
I am a pretty social person but see the relative ease my sister has in meeting people and that makes me strive to be even more social.
Regimented.... I love being spontaneous as long as it is planned spontaneity... I hate being late. I'd be more than happy to decide on going on a vaction and planning a date and time to leave, but leave the destination up for the future to decide.
As far as hearing my opinion... you get that whether you want it or not most of the time.
Any "Middley" things you think you'd like to give up in your work life?
dlowan wrote:Get fired in order to live up to a cognitive schema?
Nope.
But what about YOU?
I'm an Archaeologist..nuff said.
I would love to be more consistently organized.
Besides that, my middle child angst mixed with my tendancy to offer my opinion about things, sometimes get me into trouble. Sometimes that is good and sometimes that is bad. I wouldn't actually like to give that up, but maybe just try to distinguish between the good times and the bad times and be able to hold my tounge for the latter.
I was the oldest of three kids. The younger two were only 18 months apart, so my parents always refered to their three children as "Eva and the little ones." I felt somewhere between being an adult and a child. Also, I was always left in charge of them, but without any real authority.
Hmmm...thinking about how that relates to work.
I am also third-generation self-employed.
I work alone, but contract with photographers, designers, etc. to get work accomplished for my clients. So, I am their boss, but not really.
I guess you're right.
Very observant, Deb.
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