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Sun 15 Jan, 2006 03:31 am
I was driving home this morning and as I came around the bend-- the last fuckin' bend before my house-- I noticed three muskrats crossing the road.
This was a gravel road and as I slammed my brakes on I realized there was no chance in hell that I was going to stop in time. The car slid on the loose gravel, the dust swirled, and the last thing I remember seeing before I vaporized those poor muskrats was the alarmed look in their eyes.
The one actually stood up on his hind paws and looked at me; an inquisitive look; a look that said, "What the hell is this thing approaching me?"
BLAM!!! I took him out. Not only him, but his partners as well.
I got out of my truck and prayed that there were survivors, but the Lord ignored my plea. Nothing but muskrat guts on the road. And pieces of muskrat fur.
Why does this happen?
I realize I joke around quite a bit and most of you do not take me seriously, but why does this sort of thing always seem to happen to me?
Why couldn't dlowan have killed those muskrats? Or kickycan? Why was the death of those muskrats not caused by Panzade?
Why me?
Why the fock me!!!?
I am growing weary of killing the animals of the road. I am tired of dodging furry bullets.
I want out!
I want someone else to kill the gentle creatures of the forest. I can not do this alone!
Perhaps we drive more carefully, with due regard to other helpless, innocent, furry, souls which might be harmed, or destroyed, by our reckless and insane driving?
Thank you, Debbie. Your words are like salve to my soul.
I save my salve for the poor muskrats.
This IS a leg pull, right?
You sure you were driving down the road? I've never seen any of our muskrats, let alone three at once, outside the river.
There, there, Gus. Maybe God wanted those muskrats in heaven and put them in your path for a reason. There's always a reason, you know.
Maybe The Good Lord put those muskrats there so Gus could have a good dinner....
now there's a thought, Sturgis. Wha'jadowit'em, Gus?
Here you go Gus...
Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'
Muskrat susie, muskrat sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And sammy's so skinny
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to susie honey, would you please be my missus?
And she say yes
With her kisses
And now he's ticklin' her fancy
Rubbin' her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and sue starts to giggle
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Except for that maniac headed straight towards us !!!!
Auuugh!
La da da da da ...
Or maybe it was just bad karma. You better get out there and do some good deeds, Gus.
Look upon the face of the innocents!!!
LionTamerX wrote:Here you go Gus...
Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'
Muskrat susie, muskrat sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And sammy's so skinny
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to susie honey, would you please be my missus?
And she say yes
With her kisses
And now he's ticklin' her fancy
Rubbin' her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and sue starts to giggle
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Except for that maniac headed straight towards us !!!!
Auuugh!
La da da da da ...
christ almighty, he feels bad enough
A little Shout should get the blood out of just about anything. If that doesn't do the trick then try OXYCLEAN.
Why you used a soul to kill muskrats, I will never understand. Try a 2x4, then you can just burn it afterwards. Or if you had the sense to run them down with a truck, then you could just run the truck through a car wash.
The one positive thing to come out of this thread was Phoenix's "Muskrat on a Plank" recipe.
That sounds absolutely delicious.
Now MA sees the dark soul of Phoenix....
hee hee
Stuff happens! 
I just hope you took them out of the middle of the road so when they get to heaven God can tell who and what they were. :wink:
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