It MUST be true......it's in the Tabloids!

DON'T BOGART THAT ACORN, MY FRIEND.......

Saturday October 8, 2005
The Guardian


If they are not launching themselves at you in drug-fuelled desperation, their bloodshot eyes are searching for their next fix, pink paws scrabbling in the ground. Sometimes they seize upon a rock of crack hidden in front gardens, and scarper to feed their addiction.
Squirrels in south London could have become addicted to crack cocaine, say residents of Brixton, who suggest the rodents have dug up drugs buried by dealers or nibbled residues of crack on pipes and vials discarded by addicts.

According to internet legend, crack squirrels have terrorised residents in New York and Washington. But is the Brixton crack squirrel real or an urban myth? The Guardian began its search for the freebasing fiend near the local cinema. "They used to hang out in the little park in front of the Ritzy, twitching ... dancing to music only they could hear and generally creating a malevolent ambience," Londoner Rik Abel wrote in his blog. Ritzy regulars were less sure. "I've never seen one," said a staff member. "But there might be crack foxes around too."

On Brixton Hill, Bim is not surprised by the spectre of the Brixton crack squirrel. "I've only been released from prison today but I've heard about the squirrels. They are scoffing all the crack, more stoned than me. Have you ever seen cats with hash? Cats always go for hash."...............

http://www.guardian.co.uk/drugs/Story/0,2763,1587733,00.html

SNAPHAPPY FISHUIT CHANGES HIS NAME......


Court Lets Man Change Name to 'Variable'

December 23, 2004 8:30 p.m. EST

By DEBORAH BAKER, Associated Press Writer

SANTA FE, N.M. - Just in time for Christmas, Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon got a gift from the state Court of Appeals: a name change. The Albuquerque resident's new name will be Variable.

The appeals court ruled this week that a state district judge in Bernalillo County didn't provide sufficient reason for denying Mokiligon's name change application.

The three-judge panel issued a formal opinion in order to clarify the standards that district courts must use in such cases.

While some states require petitioners to show good reasons for name changes, New Mexico doesn't, the court said.

That means it's up to the court or a third party to come up with objections that override a petitioner's right to a name change.................

http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/1103851875

A Chinese man pretended to be a hunchback to smuggle his pet turtle on to a plane.
Wu, who is in his 60s, strapped the turtle to his back before boarding the plane to Chongqing.

He got through security but was then stopped by a guard who thought his hump looked odd.
A quick search uncovered the turtle which had a 20cm diameter and weighed about 5kg.
Wu apologised for smuggling the animal but said he could not bear to be parted from his pet.

WOMAN, 93, GRABS ROBBER BY THE NADGERS....

A 93-year-old woman with a "grip like iron" fought back against a robber by grabbing him by the testicles.
The Lithuanian woman, who says her strong grip is down to years of milking goats, held on to the man until police arrived.

Soja Popova, from Klaipeda, was shoved to the ground when she opened the door to two young men.
But she fought back by grabbing the nearest by the testicles and squeezing "with all my force as hard as I could".

She told police: "He started screaming like an animal and his friend was trying to pull him free, but I have a grip like iron."
The man's screams of agony and his friend's shouts for the woman to let go alerted neighbours, who called police.

The pair were caught after escaping through a bedroom window and into the street where a police car was waiting to take the injured man to hospital and his friend to a jail cell.

A police spokesman said: "They would not have got far, one of them could hardly walk and seemed pleased when he saw the police car. He demanded that he be taken to hospital because he was in so much pain."

A Russian gun salesman accidentally shot himself in the head while doing a demonstration for a customer.
The deputy manager of the shop in Novosibirsk put a Strazhnik 461 to his head to demonstrate the trigger action.
He had forgotten that it was loaded. Fortunateley, the bullets were made of rubber, used for customer target practise, and his injury was not fatal.

BAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN.


A holidaymaker triggered a feverish airport security alert - because of the tiny golden gun on his necklace.
Anthony Walmsley was left shell-shocked when security chiefs at Manchester told him to remove his jewellery as he tried to board a plane to Tenerife. Staff were concerned that his one-and-a-half-inch pendant in the shape of a pistol was an imitation weapon.
Anthony, 22, from Bamber Bridge, near Preston, was ordered to put the necklace in the plane's left luggage.
But The Man With The Golden Gun, from Stockdale Crescent, said the whole saga became a real pain in the neck.
And he added: "They were totally adamant that I should take the necklace off and put it away.



"I can't understand it. They could see it was made of gold and was not even a replica of a gun. But security staff insisted I take it off.
"I could have caused more damage by poking someone in the eye."
He added: "I am all for airport security and am totally in favour of checking people but how can a necklace pose a threat to anyone? It is a joke.".........................

http://www.prestontoday.net/ViewArticle2.aspx?SectionID=73&ArticleID=941079

You're beginning to scare me...but they are hilarious.

Especially the crack squirrels....sniff....

thanks for the laughs..