Sun 30 Oct, 2005 08:09 pm
I suppose everyone says this but truly, honestly, I didn't expect this to happen. I had never planned for it and now.... I don't know what to do.
You see, I was working at a trade show. I had some freedom. No laundry, no cooking, no Mo wrangling.
I didn't expet this to happen.
But there he was. He looked good. He could talk and I felt like I could listen all day. He said things that no man had said to me in ages. I liked it. He told me that my life could be better, easier..... livelier. He told me what I wanted to hear.
Really, I didn't even know I was missing something. I thought my life was whole and complete and that I didn't need..... something else.
But then he whipped it out. There it was in all of it's glory. It was big and it was useful and it was long and it was....... breathtaking.
I knew I had to have that rubber broom/mop/carpet sweeper/window washer/car upholstry cleaner/ gorgeous thing that weighed only 14 ounces and would solve every problem I ever had. It would do math and marriage counseling. It would teach me how to cook and to parent and the best way to clean my bathtub.
I wanted it. I wanted it now.
So I bought it. And I brought it home.
And my cat found it. And she rubbed up against it.
And she purred.
Oh boy did she purr.
And she gnawed on it. And chewed on it. And rubbed on it.
And she purred.
That night I expected her to join me in bed, as usual. Curling up. Touching this, that.... knowing where to be.
But she didn't.
She slept with the rubber broom.
This morning I found her curled against it.
I hate that rubber broom/etc/etc/etc/thing.
I came home today and there she was. Curled around it. Purring. Content. Telling me to go away.
I hate that ....... thing.... Buscuit's boyfriend ..... that.... that.... brooom
I'm thinking lawsuit.
Do you think I can win?
I would like to sue everybody from abuzz that told me to get a second cat so Spooky would have some company when I wasn't home. He used to be such a friendly thing.
Go frikken figure. My cat fell in love with a rubber broom.
Spooky learned to hate you and everyone else.
I have enough trouble with the dog...
You're smart, edgar.
I know, osso.
I have dogs and they love only me.... and the hallocingenic tomato plants, and cat turds, and all other kinds on nonsense and nasty things.
But never have they loved a rubber broom/etc/thing.
Mans best friend would not betray you for rubber nubbles.
Cats just don't got the brain power of a dog.
My cat can whip your honor student dog.
Where Punky goes nothing grows.
If you two don't settle down I'm going to have to ..... something.
My dogs couldn't kick the printer of the honor student bumpersticker's ass.
My pre-broom-lover cat could kick anyone's ass.
She was a crack-house-vet-rescue-cat.
But now she loves a rubber broom.
Perhaps the broom could meet with an unfortunate accident.
But Buscuit owes me $20.00 then.
She's a fincancial idiot too.
Maybe it'll pass... you know infatuations do do that..
Maybe if you rub the broom all over you, you'll pick up that yummy rubber broom smell and regain her attention.
Perhaps a threesome is the answer, boomer.
You could bring the broom to bed with you.
The broom's charms shall fade.......and you shall see her return to you, like an...er...well, you know,...er, like, well.....a Boomerang!
There. I said it.
You are that which neither moth nor rust shall corrupt...
Gonna be one embarrassed cat, too.
You might wanna play hard to get, too.
Those brooms do have a special allure.
I've seen the impact.