Alienation of affection

I suppose everyone says this but truly, honestly, I didn't expect this to happen. I had never planned for it and now.... I don't know what to do.

You see, I was working at a trade show. I had some freedom. No laundry, no cooking, no Mo wrangling.

I didn't expet this to happen.

But there he was. He looked good. He could talk and I felt like I could listen all day. He said things that no man had said to me in ages. I liked it. He told me that my life could be better, easier..... livelier. He told me what I wanted to hear.

Really, I didn't even know I was missing something. I thought my life was whole and complete and that I didn't need..... something else.

But then he whipped it out. There it was in all of it's glory. It was big and it was useful and it was long and it was....... breathtaking.

I knew I had to have that rubber broom/mop/carpet sweeper/window washer/car upholstry cleaner/ gorgeous thing that weighed only 14 ounces and would solve every problem I ever had. It would do math and marriage counseling. It would teach me how to cook and to parent and the best way to clean my bathtub.

I wanted it. I wanted it now.

So I bought it. And I brought it home.

And my cat found it. And she rubbed up against it.

And she purred.

Oh boy did she purr.

And she gnawed on it. And chewed on it. And rubbed on it.

And she purred.

That night I expected her to join me in bed, as usual. Curling up. Touching this, that.... knowing where to be.

But she didn't.

She slept with the rubber broom.

This morning I found her curled against it.

Happy.

Satisfied.

I hate that rubber broom/etc/etc/etc/thing.

I came home today and there she was. Curled around it. Purring. Content. Telling me to go away.

I hate that ....... thing.... Buscuit's boyfriend ..... that.... that.... brooom

I'm thinking lawsuit.

Do you think I can win?