How would you feel about this?

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As many of you know the saga with my step-son and his baby momma and her new boyfriend. Last month at his daughter's 6th birthday party my step-son and the boyfriend got into a major brawl/fight at a family play center and my step-son ended up getting arrested. Since then the mom has prevented us from seeing our grandchild. Now, this is a child we've had with us roughly every other weekend since she was about a month or so old. We love this little girl to death. Even the people at our church love her. Well, since the party communications between us have been strained. She'll talk with me but if I send her a text I may get a reply 2 or 3 days later.

This past Sunday she informed me that our baby will be graduating kindergarten today (Wed) and she would send me some pictures. I'm cure she knew weeks in advance and had she told us we would have made plans to attend. Taken a half day off work to go to the ceremony. But she didn't let me know till Sun. The way my job is you have to give a week's notice before taking off or asking for PTO. I would have gladly done so had I known but I didn't.

We found out the name of our granddaughter's school and I assumed that with things the way they are in the world not everyone could attend the ceremony but could possibly log in and watch it online. Most schools now-a-days stream a graduation ceremony online. I watched my sister's grandson's pre-k awards ceremony a few months ago and even watched my nephew's high school graduation last year online. I just figured this school would do the same. They have a Facebook page so one would think they would stream it live on Facebook. When I called the school today to see if there was possibly a Zoom log in or if it will be on their FB page the girl I spoke with said they weren't streaming it. So we're going to miss out on watching our granddaughter in her kindergarten graduation simply because of the actions of my step-son, her dad. My wife thinks my son did nothing wrong OR the things he did were a small part in the fight and she shouldn't be keeping his child away from him.

How would you feel if you missed important events in your grandchild's life simply because of the actions of their parent? Granted, the mom said she would send me pics but those may not come for a week or so IF she remembe4rs to text them to me. A pic is nice but seeing it in person and giving your baby a big hung would mean so much more. I've tried to remain cordial with this girl for the sake of the baby but my patience is really starting to wear thin now. She feels that it okay to keep a child away from their parent because of something she doesn't like or because of something they may have done. Not to throw her under the bus but she's not perfect either. She's telling her new boyfriend things and he now has an attitude towards my step-son. Nobody has really done the right things here but I have tried to remain neutral in this for the sake of spending time with our granddaughter. But she seems to be taking her anger towards him out on us.

How would you feel? I've been nothing but nice and cordial to this young woman and she knows it. My wife, on the other hand tends to side with her son on everything.

Is it ever right to keep a child away from a parent simply because you aren't getting along with them?

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[+5] - jcboy - 06/02/2022Are you for real or are you trying to get Netflix involved into making a new serious about a dysfunctional family? Well if you are Iâ��m not watching it, Iâ��ve no interest in watching...

Of course it's not 'right', but that's what's happening. I personally don't think graduating from kindergarten is a big deal but you apparently do. Maybe you should step back a bit and let the mother figure out if she wants you in her daughter's life. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and see the relationship is good for her daughter. Maybe you can visit her at her mom's?

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@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Of course it's not 'right', but that's what's happening. I personally don't think graduating from kindergarten is a big deal but you apparently do. Maybe you should step back a bit and let the mother figure out if she wants you in her daughter's life. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and see the relationship is good for her daughter. Maybe you can visit her at her mom's?

Graduating from kindergarten may not be that big of an accomplishment to most people but it's not about us adults. It's about the kids. They like the idea of being the spotlight for their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. It's their day. I do hate that this has been strained to the point of possibly no repair.

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@Barry2021,

There's a reason why people go to Court and file for Child Support and Parenting time, to stop this kind of actions from both parents. You, as a grandparent, have very little recourse if there's no Court Order in place.

Both your step son and the mother have been derelict in this. There's no established paternity nor have any legal support of the child calculated.

So, take her to Court and sue for visitation rights.

Or, quit complaining about the situation.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Are you for real or are you trying to get Netflix involved into making a new serious about a dysfunctional family? Well if you are I’m not watching it, I’ve no interest in watching a train wreck. Razz

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@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

There's a reason why people go to Court and file for Child Support and Parenting time, to stop this kind of actions from both parents. You, as a grandparent, have very little recourse if there's no Court Order in place.

Both your step son and the mother have been derelict in this. There's no established paternity nor have any legal support of the child calculated.

So, take her to Court and sue for visitation rights.

Or, quit complaining about the situation.

You are so right in this. From day one when that little girl was born I've been telling the mom to go get a child support order because I know my step-son. He is never going to step up and do the right thing. For some reason she's not done it and I don't know why. And in most states grandparent's don't have visitation rights so there's nothing we can do either. I told my wife long time ago when her son was always complaining that his baby momma's (yes, there's more than one) were keeping him from seeing his kids that he needed to go downtown and petition for some sort of visitation rights. But on the back end of that the minute those girls got the court papers they would probably immediately go file for support and he doesn't want that so he's not pursued it but continues to complain.

Yeah, they both are acting like children. Let's let everyone on the father's side of the family suffer and not have a relationship with my little girl simply because me and the dad don't get along. Her family was there and they all got to celebrate with the child but we weren't. It's sad.

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@jcboy,

jcboy wrote:

Are you for real or are you trying to get Netflix involved into making a new serious about a dysfunctional family? Well if you are I’m not watching it, I’ve no interest in watching a train wreck.

For real about what? We just wanted to be in attendance for our granddaughter's kindergarten ceremony. But we're being shut out simply because of the actions of the father and her boyfriend.

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@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

Yeah, they both are acting like children. Let's let everyone on the father's side of the family suffer and not have a relationship with my little girl simply because me and the dad don't get along. Her family was there and they all got to celebrate with the child but we weren't. It's sad.

You HAVE recourse, USE it. Or not. It's up to YOU, not anyone else.

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@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:
Yeah, they both are acting like children. Let's let everyone on the father's side of the family suffer and not have a relationship with my little girl simply because me and the dad don't get along. Her family was there and they all got to celebrate with the child but we weren't. It's sad.

You HAVE recourse, USE it. Or not. It's up to YOU, not anyone else.

What recourse do we have? Grandparents don't have visitation rights in most states. Enlighten me, please! I've been nothing but nice to the girl since the child was born. Done everything short of kissing her @$$ in order to spend time with our granddaughter but because of her dealings with my step-son she's now shutting me / us out. Again, what can we / I do?

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@Barry2021,

NOt sure if this helps but I found this summary of grandparents visitation rights by state:

https://www.wonder.legal/us/guide/state-by-state-grandparents-guide-to-custody-and-visitation

Like you said though it doesn't seem grandparents have much in the way of recourse. The thing is it is likely your wife who would have to pursue as you are not a "blood" relative - not sure how they would look at that or not.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Enlighten you?? Barry, you're a grown ass adult. Either you make an effort into improving your life or not - but DON'T expect others to do your work for you. Look up your State's laws. Consult a lawyer. Make your step son start a paternity suit and establish CS.

Quit whining through Life, Barry. It's ridiculous that strangers have to keep listening to your non-stop bullshit.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

NOt sure if this helps but I found this summary of grandparents visitation rights by state:

https://www.wonder.legal/us/guide/state-by-state-grandparents-guide-to-custody-and-visitation

Like you said though it doesn't seem grandparents have much in the way of recourse. The thing is it is likely your wife who would have to pursue as you are not a "blood" relative - not sure how they would look at that or not.

Thanks Link. The bigger issues is that the wife sides with her son most of the time and has gone so far as to call the girl's mom and say how disrespectful she is towards her. I told my wife that there was no reason for her to call that girl's mom and say anything. She's making the situation worse. I'll check the link out and see what, if anything, can be done short of my step-son finally stepping up to the plate to demand some court ordered visitation.

0 Replies

@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

Enlighten you?? Barry, you're a grown ass adult. Either you make an effort into improving your life or not - but DON'T expect others to do your work for you. Look up your State's laws. Consult a lawyer. Make your step son start a paternity suit and establish CS.

Quit whining through Life, Barry. It's ridiculous that strangers have to keep listening to your non-stop bullshit.

BARRY,

This is not my child but it is my grandchild and I want to be able to spend time with her and have a hand in raising her in any way possible. No, I'm not whining about the situation. I just wish grown adults would think about the greater good than heir own personal ideas. Step-son is mad because baby momma is seeing a new guy even though they haven't been a couple in 6 years. He has this idea of "I don't want no other man around my child." Then baby momma is feeding info to the new boyfriend so that when they are ever in the same location there's tension. I got custody of my daughter when she was around 2 years old and do you think I cared who my "baby momma" hung out with? Nope. As long as my daughter was healthy and fine when she came home to me. It's easy to say "that's not your child so why are you worrying about it?" Because that's my grandchild. NO, there's no blood between me and her but blood doesn't just make you a relative. You obviously must not have kids or any particular relationship with any.

1 Reply

Barry...

I truly believe you're with the wrong woman. I think you need someone more like you. You are in your early 50's - you could last another 40 years. Do you want 40 more years of this? This is your question.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

This is not my child but it is my grandchild and I want to be able to spend time with her and have a hand in raising her in any way possible. No, I'm not whining about the situation. I just wish grown adults would think about the greater good than heir own personal ideas.

You need to take your own advice. I think that "baby mamma" is quite smart about keeping her child away from your craziness and your questionable family values. Come on Barry, let's look at the truth...

Your daughter who got knocked up by a deadbeat is college educated, but works as a used car salesman with free daycare for her daughter . You in turn ignore the child while you're at work, since porn takes up most of your spare time.

Your first stepson is a felon, high school drop out with multiple children by different mothers. He has anger issues and the inability to hold a job.

Your second stepson is also a felon. Drug use and domestic violence seems to fill his days.

If you REALLY want to help this "grandchild," give her the gift of not bringing crazy into her life. Allow her to be normal, under normal supervision with normal people.

Cuz face it Barry, you should not boast about how well you've raised children.

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