When to step in to help a young adult child at their workplace?

I don't guess I can help. Time for a new job. Other than that, the time to step in is now, or as soon as you can build up documentation of specific instances.

You don't step in as a parent, you teach her about her value. Have her immediately quit and report the incident to higher management, the Better Business Bureau and file a complaint with the local police department for work place harassment.

Teach her to stand up for herself and remedies available to her. You aren't going to do her any favors by rushing in to save her, she needs to do it herself.

Yep that was my take… we gave her advice how best to handle. It took a bit of handling as if you have not dealt with someone with issues like she has it takes sometimes a lot to get her calmed down. She is better than when she was in high school but as I was told by her therapist you have to take baby steps with her …

Well we kind of ended up doing a combination of the two … gave her advice on how to handle the hour issue .., the other being a bit more complicated than the other…

Well my husband kind of knows this manager… he called him and pretty much called him out on it. He stammered a bit confessed that he did it but claim it was to lighten things up. My husband said if it continues he will have words with him.. the manager said he will rein it in.

My husband said I had to do it no 50 year old man should ever speak to a young woman like that … he is just the type that would step in for anyone that was treated that way. Hopefully that culls it because she does really like working there except for being teased like that.

Ok, here's my take on it...

Issues or not, your daughter has a RIGHT to be upset by workplace harassment. It's frustrating as a woman to hear these kinds of scenarios still exist in 2022. It's even more frustrating that a man in his 50's only got a "talking to" instead of losing his position as a manager and a person of leadership. To boot, another man did the talking...

Nothing will change unless change actually occurs.

To me, the only thing your daughter learned is that a man will come to her rescue, do the talking for her and she should be ok. But she's not ok. This is not ok.

Under normal circumstances I would agree 100% with this. And this is the dilemma with dealing with someone with mental health issues. They do not think or feel like that. It can be overwhelming for them to deal with what another 19 year old would be able to. In our situation it is juggling to see what she is able to deal with and what is just overwhelming and she cannot. She has been in a program and now (has finally) got a personal therapist that works with her to get her strong enough to deal with situations like this. But she is not 100% at this stage yet. It is exhausting sometimes as her parent to figure out is this something that is going to break her or is this something she is in a position to deal with.

So if this happened to my other daughter - I would 100% agree with dealing it similar to what you suggested. But if I were to have this daughter deal with she could have a mental breakdown.

Say you are dealing with a six year old and a 16 year old was bullying him - you would not suggest that the six year old deal with the situation...you would step in.

I did tell her she needs to journal this and speak with her therapist about it.

One thing going through this and also having a friend who has adopted kids with mental, emotional and physical disabilities as one size does not fit all. What works for kids (and young adults) that have little or no personal issues or histories will not work for one that is different than that.

The more difficult part for me personally to deal with is exactly what you said - workplace harassment. We had a deep talk about this - as a director where I work and having to go through multiple training about all sorts of harassment training etc. and being a women and having to deal with this sort of thing in my past - I had this discussion with her. To the point that I suggested she speak to the general manager and if they do nothing about it, then the entire workplace will be at fault and we can go after them. I made it clear that not only is this wrong it is illegal and we can pursue. --- Of course this is so overwhelming for her at this point she just wants it to stop. So my husband put a stop to it.

I know (and in part I agree) that you say she is learning a man will come to her rescue, but even more so in her personal emotional state - I see it as her dad has her back.

She might be considered an adult, but even a 19 year old with no emotional baggage does not have a fully developed brain - add to that one with mental health issues; it is important for her to feel safe - her dad made her safe and that is what she needs now.

Personal comments like that are inappropriate in any workplace. He sounds very immature and unprofessional. Does he comment on other employees or just your daughter?

If I were your daughter, I would start by telling him those comments are not appreciated and he should stop immediately as they're hurtful, inappropriate, unprofessional, and unnecessary. If that doesn't work (and probably won't), then she can escalate it by informing his boss of his behaviour. She should also document the events (and witnesses) in case she has to go further.

What are the workplace harassment laws where you live? Do you have a workers' ombudsman?

I don't know how big of a deal you want to make of it but no one should work in a toxic environment or be harassed.

Edit: I see you've had a resolution - ignore what I said

Funny Mame - what you wrote here is almost exactly how I explained it to her.

I think it is more important in this situation (at least for her - probably not for others there) that it stops and that she gets to continue to work somewhere that she makes good money and generally does enjoy it.

And fully understands that she has done nothing wrong but this other person is completely in the wrong.

The other stuff - standing up for yourself and being confident will come in time as she works through her personal issues.

She did have a little smile on her face when her dad came back in the house (he spoke to this "man" outside so we would not overhear him) and let us know in an abbreviated fashion what he said.

Yeah, it takes time for some to develop confidence, especially to a supervisor. I used to see young people in the library shrink from standing up for themselves all the time and, from what I could tell, they weren't experiencing mental health issues.

I'm glad the guy got the message.

Well if he doesn't my husband will have "words" with him.

Yeah - you don't want words with my husband.