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Tue 4 Jan, 2022 11:59 am
Yeah, I've got issues with the people I'm involved with, namely my wife and her youngest step-son. If you remember, my youngest step-son, who is 26 yrs old, recently got arrested for an altercation with his, then, ex-girlfriend. She took out a TRO on him which they later dropped because she didn't show up to court. But since his release from jail he's had to wear an ankle monitoring device which means he's gotta live with us for the purpose of the courts.
1) Shortly after he "had to" move back in with us I noticed that my wife had put a lot of his clothes in our granddaughter's room. We took one of our spare bedrooms and converted it to a nursery for 2 of our granddaughters. A bed for the 5 year old and a crib for the newborn. In there is a dresser with 4 drawers, 2 each for the girls. I went to put some things away for the baby and when I opened the drawer the step-son's clothes were packed in it. I informed my wife that we didn't set that room up for him and I didn't want any of his clothes in that room because of the amount of weed he smokes. I didn't want that smell in there. She seemed to catch an attitude with me saying "well, where is he supposed to put his stuff?" How about in a bag next to the air mattress he has on the floor in the other bedroom he's occupying?
2) Shortly before Christmas I came home and the oldest step-son was in the house watching TV in our living room. Trying to wrap his mom's gift I told him to let me know if she came home. 5 minutes later he yells "she's here!" So I grab her gift and run tot he girl's room to hide it so I could wrap it later. A year ago I built the 5 year old (4 at the time) a beautiful hand made toybox. I opened the toy box to hide my wife's gift and when I did I noticed that she was now packing her clothes in the toy box. When I asked her why here clothes were in the toy box her reply was "well (insert name) needed room in the the other bedroom for his clothes." I informed her that I did not build it as a storage chest for clothes but as a toy box for the one granddaughter. In a few years I plan to do the same thing for the new baby. My dad built toy boxes for each of his grandkids and I will continue that tradition for mine. Again, the wife seemed to catch an attitude that I told her to remove her clothes.
3) Last week he came home and I had him sit down in the living room so I could talk to him. His mom was sitting next to me. Both my wife and I are vaccinated and we've had our booster shots. My step- son is against the shot all together. I asked him when he planned to get vaccinated. He said that he wasn't. I informed him that in the past 2 people who had been inside our home that we have been in close contact with had tested positive for covid and in order to stay in our house he would need to get vaccinated. He does food deliveries and even admitted that he's not wearing a mask in public. All the more why he needs to get the shot. He's not caring about me or his mom's health or safety and much less his grandparents who are well into their 70s and 80s who we go visit. This was his statement he made. "If I get the shot then they win." Who are they that he's referring to? I told him that he's walking around our house with no mask on after coming home from where ever he's been, again, with no mask on, and that by week's end he either needed to get the shot or find somewhere else to stay. My wife said that if I put him out then he'd probably go back to jail. I told her that's not my problem. Had he not done what he did he wouldn't have to wear an ankle device to track his every move. Just to appease her I told her that he still needed to get the shot but anytime he's in our house he needs to wear and keep on a mask. She feels I'm wrong because he has to wear a mask inside the house that he's living in. I reminded her that he's not living here. WE live here. He's just staying here temporarily until all his court stuff is over and they remove the ankle device. Side note: He's back with the girl and they just run around town every day.
4) Today we have our 9 month old granddaughter and we put her in her crib for a nap. She started to cry so my wife and I went in the room and noticed we couldn't find her pacifier. Thinking it had fallen out of the crib I got down on the floor to look under the crib and I saw 3 or 4 pairs of my step-son's shoes all lined up nice and neat. Again, I asked my wife why were his shoes in that room and again she said, "where is he supposed to put them?" I picked them up and walked them to the room he was sleeping in and placed them beside the air mattress on the floor. As usual that pissed off my wife. She storms back to the kitchen.
She should know by now that I am dead serious about non of her sons things in that room, period. It's bad enough that the other room has a smell of weed in it now but I do not want those girls exposed to that smell. When he moved back in with us I clearly told him "no weed smell in my house!" So now he had a lawn chair sitting out in the carport or behind the house where when he gets home he can go smoke outside. See, that's going to be the next thing I bring up to him. No weed inside the house also means no weed outside of my house either. On my front porch, in my carport, or behind my house. And what's really going to piss off the wife is that he's staying with us scott free. I'm now going to give him one of the bills to pay. Again, he's doing food deliveries so he has some money coming in. That money he's using to buy more weed. He's using lights, water, internet, cable, laundry, groceries, and comes and goes as he pleases, as long as he's back home by 7 PM per the courts. I believe that if you don't require anything of the kids then you can't expect anything from them. My wife, on the other hand, believes in the notion that as long as they are not directly bothering you then leave them alone. Yeah, you're bothering my be being back in our home. Every time you walk through my front door you're bothering me. You moved out several years ago but now based on your actions we have to put up with you, your bad behavior, and the consequences of your decisions yet again. You're bothering me.
In my wife's mind, "let's just make things convenient for him." He can put his things in any room he wants to. He can smoke weed right outside our house, he can go out in public with no mask and no vaccination but still walk back in our house, again maskless, and it's not a problem. Several weeks ago he walks through the house wearing a red MAGA had. I looked at him and told him to take that thing off and I didn't want to see it in our house ever again. But again, I was wrong, according to the wife.
And for those who want to know, we still have not had sex yet after her hysterotomy last April. Every time I try she turns me down saying it's too late or not tonight. Since when is 10 PM too late when we're both still wide awake and just watching TV? But on the flip side, she's still saying she wants us to get back to having sex. When I approach you I get turned down but when I don't touch you then you're mad I'm not touching you. Make up your mind!
Sounds like he needs another place to camp out.
@Barry2021,
I never thought you would be the sort of person who would object to a MAGA hat.
Sorry for having misjudged you.
I also think you're dead right about the vaccinations as well.
@Barry2021,
Welcome to the human race old mate, I believe that most families have someone just like your stepson.
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
Sounds like he needs another place to camp out.
The thing is this. The wife is not happy with his behavior but she refuses to say anything because she hates confrontation. I look at it this way. There will be no confrontation. In my house you follow my rules or you get out. Case closed! She'll usually side with me until she sees her son getting angry then she'll jump ship and run to his defense.
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
I never thought you would be the sort of person who would object to a MAGA hat.
Sorry for having misjudged you.
I also think you're dead right about the vaccinations as well.
I'm still trying to figure out who "they" are. You're out making food deliveries with no mask on but still get upset when you're asked to wear a mask in our house. I look at people out in public everyday not wearing a mask and wonder. (A) Do they not care about the virus or (B) do they think that since they are possibly vaccinated they can just go maskless. Again, my niece, who is fully vaccinated caught covid still. She's possibly one of those out there not wearing her mask because she feels that since she's got the shot that she no longer needs to wear it. The funny thing about my wife is that anytime someone comes to our house to do some work and we don't know them she demands they wear a mask before they come into our house, but her son, who has no vaccination at all, can walk willy nilly around the house without a mask like he pays all the bills.
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
I never thought you would be the sort of person who would object to a MAGA hat.
Sorry for having misjudged you.
I also think you're dead right about the vaccinations as well.
I'm still trying to figure out who "they" are. You're out making food deliveries with no mask on but still get upset when you're asked to wear a mask in our house. I look at people out in public everyday not wearing a mask and wonder. (A) Do they not care about the virus or (B) do they think that since they are possibly vaccinated they can just go maskless. Again, my niece, who is fully vaccinated caught covid still. She's possibly one of those out there not wearing her mask because she feels that since she's got the shot that she no longer needs to wear it. The funny thing about my wife is that anytime someone comes to our house to do some work and we don't know them she demands they wear a mask before they come into our house, but her son, who has no vaccination at all, can walk willy nilly around the house without a mask like he pays all the bills.
@The Anointed,
The Anointed wrote:
Welcome to the human race old mate, I believe that most families have someone just like your stepson.
I'm just trying to look out for the safety and well-being of me, my wife, and my granddaughters. The step-son is grown and can do what he wants to. . . . just not in my house. My gut feeling is that once all his court stuff is over he'll be back living with the girl and out of my hair.
@Barry2021,
I don't understand it either. The anti vaxxers are delusional, there's a few on here.
Why is he still wearing the ankle bracelet? Can't he live somewhere else like at his dad's or brother's?
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
I don't understand it either. The anti vaxxers are delusional, there's a few on here.
I'm not trying to start any type of debate here but of all those 800,000+ people who have died in the US, what do you think they are attributing those deaths to, the anti-vaxers? I don't want covid, Delta, or Omicron and I also don't want my wife nor my granddaughters to get it. But for my step-son to just blatantly be out in the public with no mask on then coming into our home is beyond me. I can't put him out simply because he has the ankle monitoring device on for the purposes of the courts. And if I do then he'll most likely go back to jail until his court date. That's bond that my wife and mother-in-law will most likely forfeit and they'll be out that money. Then I'll have the wrath of my wife on my case. He has more rights in this house than I do.
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
Why is he still wearing the ankle bracelet? Can't he live somewhere else like at his dad's or brother's?
He's wearing the ankle device because all his court stuff hasn't been cleared up yet. As a condition of his release he has to stay with us, or a responsible adult. His dad is a lazy bum himself who is constantly in legal trouble and running from the law. Brother is a convicted felon so I'm sure the courts will not agree to allow him to stay with him. Plus, brother is staying in some sort of boarding house or renting a room from someone he knows. This is one of those apple / tree scenarios. Both are following in the footsteps of their dad. The ex / current gf dropped the TRO by not going to court for that hearing but he still has other legal issues to deal with before they will remove the ankle device. Once that is off he can go stay wherever he wants. But yes, I am still requiring that he get vaccinated to stay here. He has until this weekend to get that done or I'm calling the courts myself and informing them he is no longer allowed in our home for health and safety reasons. Mom can get mad all she wants but she's allowing him to be a slacker like this by not putting her foot down. Well I am and I mean it.
@Barry2021,
Barry2021 wrote:
But yes, I am still requiring that he get vaccinated to stay here. He has until this weekend to get that done or I'm calling the courts myself and informing them he is no longer allowed in our home for health and safety reasons. Mom can get mad all she wants but she's allowing him to be a slacker like this by not putting her foot down. Well I am and I mean it.
See? You
can set boundaries. Good for you!
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
Barry2021 wrote:
But yes, I am still requiring that he get vaccinated to stay here. He has until this weekend to get that done or I'm calling the courts myself and informing them he is no longer allowed in our home for health and safety reasons. Mom can get mad all she wants but she's allowing him to be a slacker like this by not putting her foot down. Well I am and I mean it.
See? You
can set boundaries. Good for you!
The bigger issue is this. Will the wife go along with those boundaries?
@Barry2021,
You said it's your house and that you don't care about what she thinks... so sounds like she will have to go along with this.
The flagrant non-masking, when you made that a condition, the weed smoking and smell alone are reasons enough.
I don't know what to tell you about your wife, but if my husband's nephew lived here under those conditions, I'd have had a chat with him about boundaries prior to his arrival so that we'd be on the same page.
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
You said it's your house and that you don't care about what she thinks... so sounds like she will have to go along with this.
The flagrant non-masking, when you made that a condition, the weed smoking and smell alone are reasons enough.
I don't know what to tell you about your wife, but if my husband's nephew lived here under those conditions, I'd have had a chat with him about boundaries prior to his arrival so that we'd be on the same page.
Those things were discussed but now the wife is letting him slide on everything because she is not one for confrontation.
@Linkat,
Exactly.
But that wasn't your question. You asked what to do about the wife. Just carry through on your intentions. Once you make that call, the sheriffs or someone will arrive to pick him up and your wife will just have to deal. She didn't reinforce the house rules, so now she'll have to suffer the consequences.
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
Exactly.
But that wasn't your question. You asked what to do about the wife. Just carry through on your intentions. Once you make that call, the sheriffs or someone will arrive to pick him up and your wife will just have to deal. She didn't reinforce the house rules, so now she'll have to suffer the consequences.
Last night the step-son walked through the house, granted with a mask on, and I asked him what's the update with his shot. He looked at me like a deer in headlights. My wife turned to me and said, "oh, you were serious about that?" I told her yes and I wasn't budging. Then she throws out some fake date to say he has an appointment on the 19th to get his shot. Why the 19th, when he can drive down the street to the local CVS or Walgreens and get the shot by day's end. Then he said that he's got an appointment on Mon. I'm waiting to see a vaccination card to confirm if he's gotten it or not. After he left I informed my wife that he would now also need to help out with the bills in the house. She chimed in to say that he's working to pay his own bills. I told her that his bills are not my concern and that our bills are my concern. If he's making food deliveries then he needs to help out. Give him the water bill, light bill, internet, something. Again, she tried to turn it around to throw my daughter into the mix. She loves to do that when she's losing an argument. She feels we should treat all the kids equally. I don't know what world you live in but you can't treat everyone equally. I told her that as a young black male he's already got a target on his back and it's not going to take but one cop or undercover police officer to pull up behind him on the road and smell the weed coming from his car. Any act of defiance could result in him being laid out on the street with a sheet over his face. Plus, the fact that I want him out of my house so we can get back to our lives. She just believes in letting them run their own lives. Sure, they can once they're out of my/our house.
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