@Barry2021,
I'm sure you are well aware that the center cannot hold with this mishigas.
To keep the peace, one thing you can do (and I just know you'll come up with some argument about why this is impossible - well, sit down and listen for a moment, please) -
Put together a written agreement. You probably don't need a lawyer for this, so long as it's
extremely clearly written. But I would suggest getting it notarized. You can get online notarization in most states (just Google it). Very easy, not too expensive.
The agreement should say something along the lines of:
Quote:1) You are loaning (make it exquisitely clear that this is a loan) him $1000 to find another place.
2) His deadline to find another place is 60 days from the date of the agreement (if you think he would need more time, then give him 90 days, but I wouldn't go any longer than that, and I wouldn't go any shorter than 60).
3) If he finds another place, he has 30 days to move out, which includes but is not limited to him taking all his stuff.
4) If he fails to find a place, then the loan is due in full, immediately.
5) If he doesn't move out 30 days after finding a place, then the loan is due in full, immediately.
6) He also must live in a new place for at least a year, starting from the date he moves in. If he tries to come back before 365 days are up, then the loan is due in full, immediately. This includes if he lives in more than one place during that 365-day period. The time frame does not change, even if he moves from place to place.
7) The other place can be anywhere, so long as it is not your home. You agree to offer no opinions on the suitability of his living conditions unless asked.
8) If he asks for help in finding a place, you agree to offer it freely and without judgment or conditions. If he does not ask for help, then you will stay out of it.
9) This loan is a one-time payment and there will not be another one.
10) If he ends up in jail during any of the time covered by the agreement, the clock will stop until he is out of jail, which is when it will start up again and not go back to zero. He will not get a do-over if he goes back to jail.
11) If he ends up homeless, then you will reassess the agreement. That is the only circumstance under which you will reassess the agreement.
{then a place for your signature, your wife's, your stepson's, and a notary stamp}
If the area requires more $ for security and first and last months' rent, then the $ figure may need to be higher (where I live, it would likely have to be about $3000 to be effective). If it takes longer to find a place in your area (not due to laziness, but due to a tough market), then consider increasing the time frames but don't go nuts because you want this to come to an end.
Write off the "loan". It's really a gift. Don't expect it to ever come back.
Don't concern yourself if he spends it on hookers or weed or a wardrobe for his girlfriend or whatever. You gave him the $. If he doesn't use it to get a new place, then he can suffer the consequences thereof. This also means, if he finds a cheaper place, he can use some of your donation to buy groceries or furniture or whatever.
If he ends up back in jail during the time frame, it's probably most reasonable to let the clock stop until he's out of jail, even if that happens in 40 years.
If the "loan" comes immediately due, also assume it's a total loss and you will never actually be paid back.
HOWEVER,
There is a reason why I am suggesting that you toss a grand or so in the same manner as if you were to set it on fire.
You are making it very clear in the household that
you're the good guy here. You're helping him to get on his feet and if he spits in your eye because of that, your hands are clean.
If he has any sense of responsibility or pride, he should jump at the chance, even if he just ends up moving back in with his girlfriend. So what if he does? Not your issue, not your concern.
This also has the potential to finally get your wife on board. You've tried being a rigid hardass to the guy, and your wife hasn't been on board with that. This is very nearly the opposite. It will be a lot harder for her to feel there's an injustice being done to her precious darling if, well, you're being a stand-up guy and helping the stepson out.
Having a united front is important. Isn't it worth $1000 to get it?
Besides, he may actually get out of your hair with this.
(Disclaimer: I am a lawyer but I am not your lawyer. If you draft an agreement and want a lawyer to review it, please contact a person admitted to the bar in your jurisdiction who has familiarity with contract law).
