Would you bail him out? (Update)

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

That's what I'm thinking. But I'm also thinking he's probably fed up with all their **** and her enabling of them. They've been together 20 years and he's watched her bail them out time and time again. I suspect he's not feeling too much love towards her at the moment. However, a hug doesn't take much. She's probably distressed and a little comfort goes a long way. I hope he reaches out to hug her after reading what everyone here has been saying.

Giving a hug is not the problem. My wife feeling that I mean the hug is totally different. This has been years of getting those late night phone calls that one of them has been arrested again or her having to go drive somewhere because he's been pulled over by the police and he doesn't have a license or insurance on his car. Yes, I'm fed up. I can't keep running to support my wife when those two are doing nothing more than running her crazy. It's not like they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. How many times can you be at the wrong place at the wrong time for a situation you put yourself in? My wife has this idea that it's always someone else's fault. The oldest isn't a convicted felon because of something someone else did but for something he did.

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@Barry2021,

You are not wrong about what you are saying about this young man. However you are 100 percent wrong about your wife not needing a hug. How heartless can you be? Any mom will love their child no matter what kind of person they turn into.

Think of your own children ... Is there anything they could do that would make you stop loving them? This does not mean you condone their behavior or even agree they should not be in prison.

She needs a hug because her heart is breaking. Stop being so cold hearted and try being a bit Christian and show some real caring and consideration.

Are you even human?

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You could go up to her, but your arms around her, rub her back and ask. 'Baby, what are we going to do about those kids? They can't keep breaking your heart and running you ragged. You okay today?"

Something like that

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

You are not wrong about what you are saying about this young man. However you are 100 percent wrong about your wife not needing a hug. How heartless can you be? Any mom will love their child no matter what kind of person they turn into.

Think of your own children ... Is there anything they could do that would make you stop loving them? This does not mean you condone their behavior or even agree they should not be in prison.

She needs a hug because her heart is breaking. Stop being so cold hearted and try being a bit Christian and show some real caring and consideration.

Are you even human?

Yes, I'm human and I have a ton of compassion for any situation. I'm sorry I didn't give my wife a hug when she asked for it. Maybe I'm still dealing with the other son who abruptly had to move back in with us because he is now into legal trouble. That was just last Mon or Tues. Now the other one can't even keep his nose clean. gain, we're talking about grown adults, or boys who think they are grown. This isn't about a 8 or 9 year old passing notes in class or smoking under the bleachers. These are two grown boys who, in my mind, think the world owes them everything and they shouldn't have to do anything to get it. I'm just getting frustrated with them. Every other day it's something with them. I'm sorry if I didn't immediately jump up and give the wife a big hug but that was the last thing on my mind first thing when I woke up.

I my daughter was the one out there always getting into trouble and constantly getting arrested I would become immune to her too. "Oh, you've been arrested again? Let me know what the magistrate or judge says. Be safe"

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@Mame,

Mame wrote:

You could go up to her, but your arms around her, rub her back and ask. 'Baby, what are we going to do about those kids? They can't keep breaking your heart and running you ragged. You okay today?"

Something like that

Well that is what a caring loving person does. Recognizes another human being is hurting and comforts them. One can do that at the same time recognize there is an issue.

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@Barry2021,

But you still loved your daughter and I would venture to guess it broke your heart to see her acting that way. It does not mean you agree with her behavior! You can still love your child while you hate her actions.

And this has nothing to do with how you feel about your sons in law but all to do with having compassion for your wife's broken heart and pain she feels that her sons are doing things she does not like and are wrong.

You may not like how your wife is handling this but you still love her and should show her you do. Do you even realize how you turning down your wife's request for a hug must have felt to her? Probably felt like complete rejection at a very low point in her life. Probably feels you do not love her unconditionally; might even feel as if you do not love or care for her at all. And probably realizes she cannot count on you when she most needs you.

Nice job...you get to be right again. Feels good, huh?

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@Linkat,

100% agree. Good post, Linkat.

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@Mame,

ditto

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@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

You love your wife, just not enough to give her a hug.

I hate it when i must agree with you.

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@BillRM,

You're like a broken clock.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

But you still loved your daughter and I would venture to guess it broke your heart to see her acting that way. It does not mean you agree with her behavior! You can still love your child while you hate her actions.

And this has nothing to do with how you feel about your sons in law but all to do with having compassion for your wife's broken heart and pain she feels that her sons are doing things she does not like and are wrong.

You may not like how your wife is handling this but you still love her and should show her you do. Do you even realize how you turning down your wife's request for a hug must have felt to her? Probably felt like complete rejection at a very low point in her life. Probably feels you do not love her unconditionally; might even feel as if you do not love or care for her at all. And probably realizes she cannot count on you when she most needs you.

Nice job...you get to be right again. Feels good, huh?

Trust me, I have a lot of compassion for her but when someone is done they're done. I'm not saying she doesn't or shouldn't love her sons but she can't expect everyone else to feel sorry for them because she feels sorry for them. This is the first time I didn't just jump up and give her a hug. I've told her many times to turn her phone off at night so she can get a descent nights sleep. Constantly during the week one of those boys will call her at 2 or 3 am because they have gotten in some sort of pickle. There have been a few times where she's gotten up and ran to their rescue at 2 or 3 AM then complains the next day how tired she is. You guys have got to understand that when someone has has enough they've had enough. This wasn't so much about me not just wanting to give her a hug than it was about me saying don't expect me to condone their behavior by giving you a hug. If she knows I'm always going to be there for her then she's gonna keep being there for her sons every time they get into something else. I am there for her but sometimes I just have to say no to her and their behavior. She keep coddling them and they keep doing this type of stuff.

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@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

smoking under the bleachers.

I have no idea what this means, I know what smoking is but that's it.

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@Barry2021,

You did not hear anything I wrote .... THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER SONS! THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER SONS BEHAVING POORLY. IT IS NIT ABOUT SAYING SHE IS HANDLING THE BOYS CORRECTLY.

This is about your wife hurting and you showing you do not want her to hurt. Giving her a hug dies not mean you agree with the sons behavior ... They could have killed someone it does not matter what they did...hugging her shows you want her pain to lesson ,,,THAT IS IT. The human touch can be so repairing and helpful but you aren't even Christian enough to give her a little caring.

The hug is strictly to show you love her unconditionally.

Face it you really have no or little compassion... Think what would Jesus do? Turn away from someone who hurts?

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@izzythepush,

Bleachers are the wooden plank seats in sporting arenas. It's rumoured kids make out and smoke there and whatnot.

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@Mame,

Thanks for that, I had visions of some cleaner or a machine.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

You did not hear anything I wrote .... THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER SONS! THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER SONS BEHAVING POORLY. IT IS NIT ABOUT SAYING SHE IS HANDLING THE BOYS CORRECTLY.

This is about your wife hurting and you showing you do not want her to hurt. Giving her a hug dies not mean you agree with the sons behavior ... They could have killed someone it does not matter what they did...hugging her shows you want her pain to lesson ,,,THAT IS IT. The human touch can be so repairing and helpful but you aren't even Christian enough to give her a little caring.

The hug is strictly to show you love her unconditionally.

Face it you really have no or little compassion... Think what would Jesus do? Turn away from someone who hurts?

When you've had to deal with all the stuff I've had to deal with this woman and her boys then maybe you'd understand where I'm coming from. If your spouse kept doing something for a friend or family member and that friend or family member kept slapping your spouse in the face (so to speak) or they kept borrowing money from them and never pay them back even though you keep telling your spouse to stop how long are you going to keep holding her hand and telling her it'll be alright. They'll eventually pay you back. Eventually you're going to get tired of your spouse always being a doormat and at some point you're going to put your foot down too. Don't come to me again and tell me how they borrowed money from you and never paid you back. Don't keep telling me how they always borrow your car and bring it back on empty or damaged even though I've told you to stop letting them borrow it. I'm wrong, ok, I'll say it. But I'm tired of the whole lot of them. I told my wife last night that their behavior is greatly affecting her and her health and as her husband I am supposed to be her covering. The minute I say anything to her boys about their behavior then I get her ass to kiss saying I don't have a right to say anything to them and to let her handle it. Ok, it you don't want me to handle it then don't come to me for support when they mess up yet again. Yeah, I've tried with them and she always jumps to their defense. I speak to them man to man not as a step-father trying to get them straightened out. Grow up and stop acting like everyone owes you anything. Oh, but when I do mom jump to their defense. "Let me deal with them."

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@Barry2021,

You are referring to your wife as " this woman."

Does that sound loving and caring to you?

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@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

You are referring to your wife as " this woman."

Does that sound loving and caring to you?

I hate it I reality hate it when I need to agree with you.

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@Barry2021,

I hear how fed up you are. Maybe this is something you two could talk about in your counselling sessions. This also may never change. Are you prepared for that?

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@BillRM,

You don't have to point it out.

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Would you bail him out? (Update)

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