Priorities!

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Sometimes I just don't understand how my wife thinks. Yes, I post here as an outlet because when I bring things up to her they usually turn into an argument.

This morning she sends me a text to say that our 5 year old granddaughter has to cheer at a football game Sat morning. This is her son's oldest daughter. I love this little girl to death and have gone to a number of her cheering events. My wife, on the other hand, has only gone to one cheer event. Even if I had something planned I'd change it to go see my g-baby cheer. Well, she told me that she is doing some OT for her job Sat morning. I asked her if she could do the OT after the cheer event and she said that she likes to have her afternoons free. This isn't OT where they have to log in at a certain time and work for a set number of hours. Her work is assigned to her so she can log in at any point in the day to do it. Again, remember, she said she likes to have her afternoons free. Ok, then she tells me that she is also doing OT on Sunday too. But, she said she was going to wait till after church to log in to do that. So, if you like having your afternoons free and you don't want to shift things around to go see your granddaughter cheer then why won't you stay home from church Sun morning and just watch the service during it's live stream while you work your OT? We broadcast our services every Sun on YouTube and Facebook Live. I just think you need to adjust your schedule according to priorities. If her job says she has to be logged in by 8 AM I'd totally understand that, but they have not. She could just as easily log in after the cheer event and do her OT. I actually have a grandson who is playing football later in the day and yes, I'll be at that one too. Yes, it's about priorities for me. Just because you want your afternoon free shouldn't mean you can't reschedule something to go see your grandbaby cheer. 52 Saturdays in a year and you can't sacrifice a few for your grandkids sometime? Am I wrong here?

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Quote:

I just think you need to adjust your schedule according to priorities.

You are correct about that - it appears though that your wife has different priorities than you. Seems she is adjusting her schedule to fit her priorities.

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@Linkat,

I just have a problem with how she views and processes things. Our pastor and first lady have been trying to have kids for a number of years and have had at least 6 miscarriages that they have made known. You think that as busy as they are they wouldn't love the opportunity to go see their child cheer or play football one Sat morning or afternoon? Me and my wife are blessed enough to not only have kids but now grandkids. I'm sure they'd change places with us any day. Who wouldn't want to do that for their grandkids? Push OT off for a few hours. And, it's not even mandatory OT.

I sometimes think my wife feels that everything must accommodate her schedule and she shouldn't change anything to suit anyone.

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@Barry2021,

You're not listening.

Linkat's right. If your wife wanted to go, she would. Sounds like she does what she wants all the time. Maybe she's just not that interested. Do her interest have to align with yours?

You could consider dropping your expectations then you won't be disappointed.

And your pastor and his wife's situation has nothing to do with this whatsoever.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame,

I'm listening. I agreed with everything Link said. I was just giving additional input. No, my wife's priorities don't always have to align with mine but I'm not cheering and want her to come see me. This is our 5 year old granddaughter. Make it a priority for her. And the reason I mentioned our pastor and first lady was simply put. They are trying to have kids to do these things with whereas, my wife has kids and grandkids but apparently they aren't enough of a priority to go see a 5 year old cheer or a 9 year old play football on a Sat. Things that other people would cherish my wife brushes off or takes for granted.

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@Barry2021,

Quote:

Who wouldn't want to do that for their grandkids

Your wife. And there are plenty of other grandparents and parents that feel the same way. I am not saying I agree one way or another - everyone is different. Having kids that are now young adults - I did attend every sporting or other event that I could, but I saw other families where a parent never attended or rarely - for whatever reason and I saw the other extreme where the parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles were overly involved and everything in between.

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@Barry2021,

Quote:

Things that other people would cherish my wife brushes off or takes for granted.

Again - yes some people cherish this and others do not. So what?

I've been to so many kids events in my life - to be honest some I attended simply out of obligation. For instance I remember going to these music play like things at my daughters' school when they were very young - they attended a small Christian elementary school and they would put on about 3 a year and the whole school was to participate. They were boring as h*ll --- now granted when they were in preschool it was cute because they did something at the very beginning with their call - but in elementary school it was the school besides maybe a dozen older kids lined up in the back just singing with hands and arm motions in the background while the older kids did some sort of play and songs - I even had another mother catch me dozing off at one of them.

So what - it may seem boring to her. A waste of time. Others love it - if your granddaughter has enough family to watch her and coo and so forth over her then who cares?

Think of something that is really boring for you - would you want to go?

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Perhaps your wife shows the granddaughter love in other ways and doesn't finding watching her cheering very meaningful. Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go, OT or no OT? Or maybe just drop it.

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@Linkat,

I want my grandkids to grow up and say, "my granddaddy came to all my events." What I'm trying to avoid is them saying, "my grandma never came to anything I was involved in." My own grandmother passed away a number of years ago and what I wouldn't give the be able to spend another day with her.

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@Linkat,

"Again - yes some people cherish this and others do not. So what?"

Why are you always so negative when I say or give my opinion or thought? We all go to kids events that are boring. Dance recitals, school plays, etc. That's just part of being a parent. Again, I'm not trying to make her think like me but this isn't about me. It's about my / our granddaughter. Give that baby some memories so later on in life she can say "my grandparents came to my events."

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@Mame,

She's not going because of the OT, which she stated she likes her afternoons free. But Sunday is OT too and she's choosing to go to church first then take her afternoon and do the OT. Again, if it were me, I'd switch things around. Go see my grandbaby cheer Sat morning and do my OT Sat afternoon. Then stay home on Sun to to OT in the morning and watch our services online so, again, I'd still get my afternoon free. But again, that's just me.

Thanks everyone for your input.

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@Barry2021,

Let me ask you again - surely there's some things she does with her granddaughter that she enjoys.

And I don't see that Linkat is being negative. She is giving you another point of view, as am I. Both in how to look at your wife's decisions and on your own position. Isn't that why you come here - to get another viewpoint? Or do you just want us to say you're right?

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@Barry2021,

Quote:

What I'm trying to avoid is them saying, "my grandma never came to anything I was involved in

Yep and that very well may happen. I still to this day remember an aunt who would give excuses about not bringing a gift to my birthday parties.

So yes your grandchild may think that - but that is on your wife not you. Unfortunately for you - you can control another person - what the like, what the want, what they feel is a good choice, a good priority. You can stress yourself out to death on trying to change her - or simply accept that is what she is and go on.

She will be dealt the repercussions of how your grandchildren will view her.

I do know some of my daughters' friends who did not want their parents attending some of their events. I even asked my daughter when she a bit older, do you want me at your basketball games? I told her I won't be hurt if she doesn't - I am jus the type that if you tell me nicely I won't take offense. (although to be honest if she said no she didn't - I would sneak in and watch where she wouldn't see me).

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@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

"Again - yes some people cherish this and others do not. So what?"

Why are you always so negative when I say or give my opinion or thought?

Because you are trying to change someone - and it ain't going work.

I am more like you in this perspective - I loved going to my kids things even when I did fall asleep a little - I still wanted to be there for them even though it was boring as h*ll.

But you are not going to change your wife - so even stress yourself about it or accept it. People are different and have different values - it isn't up to you to change someone else's values.

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@Mame,

He sounds to be a control freak that wants things his way and wants us to agree.

I, honestly, would not want to miss out on the grandkids things (not that I have any)- but I understand that people feel differently and have different perspectives. I wouldn't force things on someone else.

My husband, although he attended many things of our children, did not as much as me - I would move my work stuff to make sure I could attend everything I could - but that was me. My husband did not - now granted it was easier for me, but he could have done a bit more. He certainly was there for anything big - senior nights and stuff like that - but not almost every game. But he did do other things - he coached them for certain sports and at certain ages for example.

But I did not force him to move his schedule around - or even make him feel bad about it. My kids had a parent (and when my dad was around) often times both grandmom and grandpa around - so they were happy they had family there. They are not devastated that daddy was not at every little event. They know we both cared --

1 Reply

@Mame,

No, I'm not here just for someone to say I'm right. However, just as you state Link was giving another view of things when I give my view of things then I'm coming across as being combative. Ok, if she doesn't want to switch things around to go see her 5 year old g-baby cheer that's is totally her decision. But I know her. I'll be sitting there and she'll text me to send her pics. Or, don't wait till the end of the season and they are possibly doing an awards banquet or something like that. Don't stand up and clap when your g-baby gets her little participation trophy. To me it's about making the effort. These moments are only here for a short window of time. Don't miss out because you decided to get OT one Sat. And to answer the other question. My wife doesn't really do much with her / our granddaughter. She thinks kids should be seen and not heard. I couldn't tell you how many times I've stood up in out living room and danced with my g-baby because she wanted to dance. Or the number of pics I've taken because she wanted to do my makeup. Yes, I have a ton of pics with a face full of make up or bows in my hair. I like to use the term "my wife wants her to be a little Catherine Hepburn sitting prim and proper on the sofa with her legs crossed at the ankles and her hands nicely placed on her lap." She's 5, she's into toys, dolls, kiddie makeup. And if I can do nothing more than allow here to have those moments with me then so be it. That's what I'll do. If my g-baby brings out more than 2 toys then my wife goes to fussing.

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@Barry2021,

Is it just A2K, or are you pissed off with everyone on the internet?

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@Linkat,

Here we go again. I'm not a control freak. I'm not trying to force her to change her schedule just to attend a bunch of kids cheering off rhythm, which is cute in itself. I just want her to be more attentive to these things. It's not like Sat is her regularly scheduled day to work and I'm asking her to take off the whole day to go watch her cheer. OT is optional and can be done at any time during the day. Hell, she could do it at night after we've put the girl down to sleep. The house is nice and quiet and she can get those few hours in. Have the whole day to yourself and even enjoy your afternoon. Block off a few hours from say 7 to 10 PM and get that work done. By then our g-baby has had a bath and she and I are usually sitting on the sofa talking or watching some kiddie show anyway or she's in her room playing on her tablet. Link, I'm with you 1000%, I wouldn't want to miss these events no matter what. Be there to show the kids you do love them and support them even if it's the most boring event you had to go to. They only last an hour or so. At the end give her a big hug and tell her how great she did. Take her to McDonalds for lunch, share her french fries. It's about those memories.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

I like the way you grandparent. You sound very involved and relaxed and a lot of fun. I think it's lovely that you want to know and be with your grandkids, and share their lives. I can't say that enough.

I don't think think you're combative - I think you're just deaf. You just defend your position and don't seem to be hearing us. We're offering you some ways, opinions, and positions for you to not get annoyed or be disappointed in your wife not being like you. And we've been doing that for some time now.

You know what she is. You know how she is. Can you two just accept each other the way you are? She is what she is. Acceptance is the only way to live with her, don't you think?

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You had mentioned that she doesn’t like crowds. So going to a game to see five-year-old cheerleaders AND the game AND the people involves a lot more than just the cheerleading. There’s the ride, the crowd, uninteresting game, - maybe that’s not her thing or how she’d like to spend her time and she’d rather get her work done.

Don’t make this about level of her appreciating granddaughter or grandson. You are off the mark on this one.

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