Is she that insecure or does she thinks she's just that gorgeous?

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In a few months my wife and I have to go to a formal event. We're both in our early 50s and during the past year or so, like a lot of people, we've put on a few lbs. Several months ago I decided to join a gym to drop a few lbs. No, I'm not trying to get buff or super toned. I just want to lose 15 or 20 lbs., nothing to drastic. I joined a gym and when my wife went with me to tour the facility she decided she wanted to join too. We both joined Fitness connection but since then my wife has been complaining that Planet Fitness is a much better facility because they have more machines and equipment. Since we've been members of F.C. we've never had to wait on a machine. My wife had a membership to P.F. some time ago but never went and just allowed them to keep taking money out of her account month after month until she finally git tired of it. Well,

Here's the problem I'm facing. I'm happy with F.C. Again, I'm not going there to get all buffed and toned. I am totally fine walking on the treadmill for an hour or so just to work on some cardio. My wife on the other hand thinks that since it's a gym you're supposed to try out every piece of equipment. She's mad with me because I don't want to work out on the other machines. As stated before, I'm not there to tone up, just slim down. She wants to go work on the other equipment but since I don't want to use them she's mad with me. They have a large set of weights and things in front of the area where the treadmills and stair climbers are but and she wants to use them but won't because I won't go with her. So now she's saying that since I don't' want to use the other equipment she doesn't understand why I'm even going to the gym. Since we've been working out I've dropped about 10 lbs, so the treadmill is working for me.

I was telling my brother-in-law about this and he made the statement that she wants me to go work out on the other equipment with her so guys won't be hitting on her. This gym is always full of both men and women working out on the various machines and weights and not once have I ever seen a guy try to hit on a woman. Most of the time everyone has there earbuds or headphones in so no one is really trying to talk to anyone else. And if you are of the mindset that you need me to be with you so no one will hit on you then you would never leave the house at all by yourself. And it's not like the weights are in another room of the gym. They are literally across the aisle, maybe 20 feet away. I can be on the treadmill and still se everything she's doing and she can still see me.

Is this a silly reason not to want to go workout because I don't want to use the other machines and equipment along with her? I find myself going to the gym a lot by myself while she sits at home.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 898 • Replies: 42

[+3] - neptuneblue - 07/27/2021Then get a divorce already. You don't like your wife, you cannot stand the person she is. You won't compromise, won't, won't won't. Won't do this, won't do that... You cannot possibly even...

@Pwebster,

It's likely your brother in law is full of it and it has nothing to do with conceit or insecurity.

My thought is that she wants to use some of the equipment but is uncertain how to use it and was hoping you would help her understand it and perhaps be a workout partner. Understanding where to set the limits on the pads and seats and how much weight to use is not something you can just figure out on the fly it you've never done it. Of course it is probably not a reasonable expectation of you to be able to help either. A lot of gyms offer free personal training sessions to new people and one of the first things they do is set up a simple routine and show you how to use the equipment. I suggest you set up a joint appointment or two individual appointments at the same time. If your wife has never done something like this before, she might be nervous about it. You should ask for a trainer with experience with new people. Often older trainers are better than a hardcore, hardbody type.

Finally there are other things to do at the gym. She might want to go to the other gym because she has friends there. Gyms often offer classes where you can get some personal interactions and meet people. Does your gym offer yoga or simple strength training like Body Pump? She might enjoy the structure and camaraderie of a class structure instead of solo work on machines and of course you could work the treadmill while she is in class.

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@Pwebster,

You could just buy or rent a treadmill, bike or rowing machine and do these at home.

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@engineer,

Trust me, yeah, my BIL can be full of it from time to time.

The this is this. Neither of us are gym rats. This is my first time every joining or even going into a gym so it's not likely that I can show my wife how to use a certain piece of equipment. I honestly don't know. But the thing is this. You don't have to start off trying to like 150 lbs. Just watch the others using the equipment and when they're done go put on a smaller weight and do what you saw them do. If it's not beneficial to you then add more weights. But you gotta start somewhere. Yes, they do have gym staff there that I'm sure would love to show her how to use a certain piece of equipment. My wife is just afraid to ask. I'm not responsible for her weight loss and neither is she mine. I workout for me, not her.

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@Pwebster,

Ok, but you are partners in life and my guess is for a woman in her 50's, the gym is not a familiar or comfortable place. That certainly was the case with my wife. You don't need to be her workout partner but encouraging her to work with those who can help her would be a nice spousal move IMO.

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I’d suggest that the two of you approach the staff there and set up a tour of the entire gym where you can be told the benefits and purpose of each machine. You yourself are not getting the benefit of belonging to a gym. You’re getting a cardio workout but not toning up your entire body and that is necessary . You should be working out all parts of your body. So you see that it’s both you and your wife who can benefit from seeing all of the options available to you. Good luck.

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@engineer,

That's the thing, she's not mad because I don't want to be her workout partner. She's mad because I don't want to do anything other than the treadmill. She wants to try the other equipment but won't even go to them because I only want to use the treadmill. I'm fine on the treadmill. She wants to lift weights to work on her arms. I don't. So she won't because I don't want to. That's like us going to a restaurant and she's mad because she ordered the steak and I didn't also order the steak. I didn't want steak, I'm fine with the chicken but you can't get mad because I didn't order steak just like you can't get mad that I don't want to lift weights and you do.

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@Pwebster,

Quote:

But the thing is this. You don't have to start off trying to like 150 lbs. Just watch the others using the equipment and when they're done go put on a smaller weight and do what you saw them do. If it's not beneficial to you then add more weights. But you gotta start somewhere. Yes, they do have gym staff there that I'm sure would love to show her how to use a certain piece of equipment. My wife is just afraid to ask. I'm not responsible for her weight loss and neither is she mine. I workout for me, not her.

What the heck? You do not seem to be very compromising at all. Did you read this response?

First off - standing there watching others working out to see how to use the equipment would be creepy --- would you want someone standing there watching you work out? And it is not as simple as that - you need to use the equipment correctly or you may hurt yourself...not all the equipment is easy to use and you should know a bit so you do not strain yourself or hurt your back or any number of things that can cause one injury especially someone who is not a 20 year old and has not been working out regularly.

It can be intimidating for someone that has not used these machines before - it can be intimidating for someone that is not naturally physical. I do not understand why you would not want to help her? If you do not know how to use the machines at the very least suggest she call the gym and see if she can set up an appointment to meet with a trainer. Why not help her out and encourage her rather than just say " I'm not responsible for her weight loss and neither is she mine. I workout for me, not her." That is not kind or thoughtful or loving.

Either that or perhaps she should have a membership at the gym she is more comfortable at and you stay there.

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@PUNKEY,

I am getting the benefits of the gym without using every piece of equipment. Since we've joined a few months ago I've lost 10 lbs which is on par for what I wanted to do. We've toured the gym and got the full rundown. My wife wants to lift weights but she doesn't want to do them because I don't want to lift. I'm not there to lift. I am honestly not. And it's not about getting the "full experience" of the gym. Like I said, I'm not there to tone up or get sculptured. I'm just there to drop a few lbs. So for me, working out on the treadmill is 100% fine with me. It is giving me everything I am looking for.

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@Pwebster,

You seem to be really angry at/contemptuous of your wife. Maybe this gym thing is a symptom of other issues. It could be she was hoping you would do something together. Maybe you could look for other avenues to do that.

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@Linkat,

And what you're not understanding is that I'm not there to lift weights. I'm there to simply use the treadmill. When I'm ready to move to another piece of equipment then I will. But I don't want my wife to not use a piece of equipment simply because I don't want to use it. And nobody is saying you're staring at someone with a stalkerish look on your face. While you're on the treadmill just be observant. Think to yourself. "Ok, he put that weight on that pole then he sat down and did his arms like he's doing push ups." OR, here's a novel idea, she can go ask a staff member how to use a certain piece of equipment. It's not that I don't want to help her but you are assuming that I know how to use the equipment and I'm just not willing to tell her. Not the case. Again, this is my first time in a gym and I also have NO DESIRE TO USE THE OTHER EQUIPMENT. I'm fine on the treadmill. She is the one who wants to use the other pieces and she's mad that I don't want to use them. Should I do all the talking for a 50 year old woman? "Excuse me, my wife wants to know how to use that piece of equipment. Can you show her?" Yes, it can be very intimidating but if you don't know you ask.

And as you say, she should find a gym she's more comfortable with, that has been one of our issues. She is constantly saying how Planet Fitness is so much better than Fitness Connection. I keep asking her, "then why did you join Fitness Connection?" I've never been inside a Planet Fitness before so I can't say which one is better. But if you don't put in the work, having a gym membership alone isn't gonna drop the weight off you. You have to go, workout, and be consistent. We don't have to be working out side by side on every piece of equipment just because we're married. Go do your thang and we'll meet back up when it's time to go. You can still see me right here and I can still see you over there.

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@engineer,

No, I'm not angry or contemptuous at my wife. I'm just getting tired of her getting mad at me because I don't want to use a certain piece of equipment simply because she wants to use it.

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@Pwebster,

Pwebster wrote:

I workout for me, not her.

Contrary to others here, I agree with this. Too bad for her that you won't follow her dictates. Do you eat all the same foods, like all the same bands, love the same authors?

Something else is going on here.

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@Mame,

I think you 're the only one who gets it. I'm not stopping her from going to try the other equipment. She's a grown woman not a child. If she wants to go workout on another piece of equipment then go right ahead. I'll be right here on the treadmill watching you. If another guy walks up to you and I can see that he's trying to get too close then I'll come over and step in. But I've never seen any guy try to hit on a woman at the gym. Maybe it happens and I just didn't notice it because I was not that observant. Her problem is that she doesn't want to try a new piece of equipment simply because I don't want to try it. She wants to lift weights so I must lift weights.

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@Pwebster,

As I asked before, do you eat, read, watch, like all the same things? Probably not. If I like parsnips, I would not insist my husband eat them.

So what is really going on, do you think?

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@Mame,

To answer your question, no we do not like all the same things. We're two individuals so we have different tastes. My wife has this theory that we should be so connected on such a higher level that we should just want to always do that same thing. I should be a mind reader. She should cough or clear her throat and I should know her throat is dry and she needs something to drink. The other night we were laying in bed and there's a ceiling fan right over the bed. She made this statement, "I sure am chilly." I was suppose to take that to mean I needed to get up and turn down the fan. In my mind I'm thinking, "well if you're cold get up and turn the fan down." Again, the ceiling fan is right over our bed with a chain hanging down. She thinks we should always do everything together and that includes working out.

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@Pwebster,

Actually I did not make the assumption you knew what you were doing - I suggested that you talk with her and have her set up an appointment with a trainer.

You are also simplifying what you need to do with the equipment - the machines in a typical gym are not all that simple to use. And just observing someone (that may even be using the equipment incorrectly) will not teach you the correct way to use it; which weight would be appropriate for your abilities (no it is not so simple of - oh it is too heavy put lighter weight) you need to know how many reps are most effective, which weight is best, how often to use it, the right posture, etc. You can get hurt or injured if you do not properly use this equipment and some you do need a spotter with you.

Quote:

I'm just there to drop a few lbs. So for me, working out on the treadmill is 100% fine with me. It is giving me everything I am looking for.

Sorry but this sounds very selfish - and most of what you are saying does. Great it works for you but at least from your comments, it sounds as if great it works for me - too bad it doesn't work for you - leave me alone and deal with it.

A caring husband would at least make some suggestions - I see no reason that you need to do the same routine she does but at least listen to her and be open - I am thinking this is sort of your alone time - but she is seeing it differently. Maybe explain to her - I love her but at the gym I like to work out alone with my earbuds in and just go on the treadmill. It is my down time and stress reliever. Maybe we could go out to dinner and be a couple there or is there some other way we can do something together.

The thing is - she is not getting what she needs, but you are. As a couple there should be a way to work it out so you both get what you need.

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@Pwebster,

Pwebster wrote:

To answer your question, no we do not like all the same things. We're two individuals so we have different tastes. My wife has this theory that we should be so connected on such a higher level that we should just want to always do that same thing. I should be a mind reader. She should cough or clear her throat and I should know her throat is dry and she needs something to drink. The other night we were laying in bed and there's a ceiling fan right over the bed. She made this statement, "I sure am chilly." I was suppose to take that to mean I needed to get up and turn down the fan. In my mind I'm thinking, "well if you're cold get up and turn the fan down." Again, the ceiling fan is right over our bed with a chain hanging down. She thinks we should always do everything together and that includes working out.

Then why don't you tell her this?

You can do it in a nice way - say honey, I am an idiot and need things spelled out for me (I am serious sometimes poking fun at yourself helps to prevent this from becoming an issue - which it shouldn't) - please just ask me to turn the fan down - rather than you saying "I'm not a mind reader just tell me what you want!"

Yeah it takes more patience and thought on your side - but just think how much easier and nicer your life would be if you did that instead of getting all heated about it.

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@Linkat,

Sorry, but I completely disagree with this. If I thought it was too chilly, I'd get up and turn the fan off, after asking my husband if he was okay with this.

She's not a baby. She's 50+.

Why should HE be the patient one? Why can't she act her age? My God - she sounds like a princess.

Ditto with others' suggestions that he show her how the gym works - no. I would NEVER ask my husband to do that (unless he was working on it) - I'd get one of the instructors to show me while my husband worked out on something else.

I do not ask my husband to paint; he does not ask me to play guitar.

Simple as that. She needs to grow the hell up.

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@Linkat,

"You can do it in a nice way - say honey, I am an idiot and need things spelled out for me"

So in your world a man must make himself look stupid and even confess it simply because the woman won't speak in a clear sentence. You are either a woman who expects her man to be beneath her or you're a man who has been "trained" to stay beneath his woman. Get a grip. If you're cold you get up and adjust the AC or turn down the fan. If you're hungry you don't sit there and starve waiting on your man to figure out you want something to eat. If you want to lose weight you don't get mad at your husband and refuse to go to the gym anymore simply because he won't use the same piece of equipment you want to use. I've told her on several occasions that if she doesn't know how to do something you go ask someone. Like I mentioned in my OP, this is my first time in a gym myself so it's not like I've been a gym rat all my life.

Do women really want to be treated like they are helpless and clueless all the time? Their men have to do everything for them. However, as you mentioned, we have to dumb ourselves down so they can be elevated. "I'm an idiot and need things spelled out for me."

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