Should I move out?

Reply Wed 9 Sep, 2020 10:17 pm
I'm currently a senior in high school, and I'm considering moving out once I turn 18. I know that it's very risky, and there are a lot of potential financial issues and problems, but my family is very toxic and my house has become a very unhealthy environment for me. My dad and my step mom never support me and they always bring me down. For example, I recently took my senior portraits and upon getting them back, both my dad and my step mom immediately proceeded to badmouth my photos behind my back, saying things like, "It looks strange, why did she smile like that," and, "They look bad, she shouldn't have smiled like that. Why didn't she do this? She looks bad." They never support me, whether it's verbally, emotionally, or mentally, and they constantly bring me down. They constantly make me feel insecure, stupid, and unwanted.

Several years ago, my biological mom passed away, and I entered a state of depression for a few years. My dad did nothing to help me. He saw me distancing myself, becoming more quiet, and not practicing good hygiene, yet he labeled it as me going through "a phase," and he often reprimanded me for acting so "emo" and "sad." I often cried myself to sleep, or I would cry for hours at night by myself because of how alone and lost I felt. When I was younger, my dad would excessively yell at me and "spank" me (that's what he called it, but he would hit me on my hands, arms, and bottom) as a form of reprimanding me, and I've now become scared of him. Whenever he reaches his hand out towards me, I flinch away. I don't feel comfortable talking to him about anything and I just constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells around both him and my step mom.

In general, my dad never supports me; he always questions me, pressures me, talks badly about me behind my back to my step mom and younger sister, and he has the mindset of "you're lucky I'm only punishing you like this, I had it worse with my own dad." My step mom judges me and doesn't support me, either. I feel trapped in my own house, and I constantly just feel put down by them. I've tried talking to my dad about a few of these issues, but nothing has changed (and I won't even bother trying with my step mom).

I would be significantly happier and healthier (mentally and emotionally) if I was able to move out, but I'm not sure where to start. I currently have a job, but because of the current pandemic, I haven't earned money in months. I'm slowly saving up, and I've considered moving in with roommates in order to lessen the cost of an apartment. My parents pay for my car and my phone, so I'm not sure how I'll be able to support myself in those terms. Paying for university is also a significant factor, as I plan on applying to well known universities.

Is this a good idea for me? I constantly feel put down, anxious, and afraid in my own house, and I don't even feel like I have parental figures I can go to whenever I need help. Am I overreacting? Is it not even worth it to leave?
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Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2020 05:46 am
It's not a good idea to move out right now.

Before you do anything, you need to make a budget. Do some research on your area.

Here are some questions that you need answers to:
  • What are average rents in your area?
  • Is it possible to get safe roommates?
  • Will you need a car to get around?
  • Will you have expenses like parking or parking tickets or a bus pass?
  • Are there other jobs in the area where you will actually be paid?
  • Are there any people you can depend on for money if you need it in a crisis? Even a little bit?
  • Do you have savings?
  • Do you have health insurance?
  • Do you have plans to continue your education? People who have Bachelors degrees make a lot more on average than people who don't
Once you know these things, you will get a much better sense of what is possible, and what you need to do.
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Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2020 10:56 am
My parents pay for my car and my phone

Well, they obviously don't like you then. (Sarcasm)

Have you ever considered your father went through his own issues when your birth mother died? The world does not revolve around you matey. People do not have to fit into the boxes you prepare for them.

You have issues; that is for sure. You need professional counselling.

As for moving out: you have no money of note, no income of note and seem to have little in the way of chutzpah .

Every year many hundreds of thousands of teenage kids end up on the street around the globe ... taking drugs and getting abused physically and sexually .... Don't be one of them.
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Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2020 05:51 am
I think that before making a decision, you need to think about all the pros and cons. You need to think about all the possible scenarios if you decide to leave your parents.
Calculate how much you need for the next six months to live. Will you be able to earn it?
If so, you can think about moving.
If not, you need to think about how to make money.
Start looking for additional ways to earn.
There is no need to hurry in this situation. Because then you will be very ashamed to return home if you will not have enough money to live alone.
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