Do I need to get CPS involved?

Yeah, I would call them.

Is your father in the picture? Can he or any other relatives, friends, or neighbors take in your younger siblings, even briefly? Because if it comes to a situation where your mother is separated from your siblings (which may or may not happen), the kids will need to live somewhere.

You don't need to have that all squared away before calling. But it is something to think about.

My dad is in the picture, yes; but as he has often stated he got started parenting late. He was gone a lot when I was younger and now that he’s around he has kind of started picking up on my mom’s habits. It’s a toxic environment for them. And we do have an aunt they could go to.

Another question I did have, since I am nearing the age of the majority would I need to be placed in custody with my aunt, or would I be able to live on my own?

When you are 18, you are able to live on your own in most states. I don´t think you have to worry about your own custody. You are basically independent. I agree that you should talk to CPS.

I am wondering if you could talk to a therapist. Therapists understand CPS and could tell you exactly what your options are, and therapists are confidential. A therapist would also be able to help you work through your own feelings.

That would be my first piece of advice. Your doctor may be able to help you with a confidential therapists... and when you are 18, your medical records are private from your parents. You may also be able to talk to the counselor at school who can also connect you. There are likely resources available to you for free.

In general, in most places within the U.S.A., any person under the age of 18 is subject to being placed in foster care. There are exceptions, including declaring yourself emancipated.

For all of these things, you would be better served by legal counsel. There are free legal aid services in all states. Start there.

Speak with a school counselor and a member of the clergy. You might not need to be a church member to set up an appointment with a minister.

Additionally, speak with your aunt about taking you and your siblings in as soon as possible. If your father is behaving similarly to your mother, this could turn very bad.

However, by law a therapist will have to report abuse -they are legally obligated to do so.

Anything else you discuss with them will remain confidential.

My teenage daughter sees a therapist. When she started it was clearly explained to me that all their conversations are held in confidence even a minor - I would not know what they talked about - unless both agreed and then they would pull me in.

However, any sort of abuse - because of their position - they are required by law to report this.

That's useful information.

Would a school counselor be required by law to report it?

I unfortunately don’t have the funds to be able to afford it. However, if choosing to do so, do I need my parent’s approval still to become envisaged, or will it be considered an exception due to the situation?

Yes. But that might make it easier on you and the counselor could help you

Just thinking this out. ... there is a possibility this could be different by state. In Massachusetts for sure a therapist or school counselor is required to report this.

I'm fairly sure that's as close to universal as possible. Might be best to ask the individual counselor. I doubt they are allowed to lie, but who knows?

You are in a shitty position.

I have never seen CPS make anything better. You are better off taking care the issues at home yourself. Go to the gym, take some self defense classes, learn to protect yourself and your family (siblings).

Explain to your mom that if she continues with her behavior you will start kicking the **** out of her.

Seriously though, think long and hard about bringing any authority into your family issues. The state may end up separating you from all your siblings and then they end up who knows where.

I am sorry you are in such a tough spot.

Well not to expand on this - but yes I ended up reporting an abuse to a school counselor. My daughter told me about it and I let her know if I report it to the school they are under a legal obligation to report it. When she thought it was really bad and I read her texts - I thought it was a situation that should be reported. It is tough because you know sometimes kids do this to get attention.

Any way - I knew this counselor because my own daughter had emotional issues at the school so she met with her quite a bit. I also got to know her and trusted her. She told me when I started before I even went into anything - if I say anything about abuse she legally had to report it. I think most good counselors will be open and honest about it.

That is not fair to someone so young.
To put her in that position.

Best thing overall is to find an adult you trust - a responsible adult. You are too young to carry this burden and should not.

Thank you, but he is right in a way. It is my responsibility to make sure that the outcome is what is best for them. Maybe that’s talking to CPS, maybe it’s standing up to my mom and saying enough is enough. I think both would have its consequences. It’s not any burden on me except for the fact I should have to put up with it at all. That in itself is a burden. And it’s not just a burden because of my age. However, I am starting to believe talking to CPS would be the best solution. Thank you.

Well I am almost 18, and we have an aunt that my siblings can go to if I do end up bringing in authorities. I’ve lived almost 18 years in this house and I’ve hated most of it. My youngest brother isn’t quite 9; so when I’m not there anymore to protect him? I am leaning towards calling authorities, cause I don’t want to be worrying every second of every day for 9 more years whether he’s getting a belt taken to him just for saying the wrong thing. It’s not an easy decision, believe me. The last thing I want is to call CPS. But if they can go to our aunt and get out of that situation so that they can grow up safe and secure in themselves, rather than constant belittling and humiliation, then I think I’ve done my job as a big sister. That being said, I will look into some self defense classes. Thank you for sharing your view. It really did clear some internal questions.

I'd talk to your aunt and give her the full scoop on what's going. See if she would be willing to take in your siblings. If you get CPS involved there is no promise they will do anything. They may break your family apart sending everyone to separate foster homes. They may speak with your Mom who will deny everything and call you a liar.

The only one you can count on is yourself. Like I said, you are in a tough spot with this.

Do you think your aunt is willing to take the other kids in?

CPS typically wants children to stay with family - so if your aunt is responsible and she is willing that is the best case.

My reasoning is it should not be your burden in a sense to beat up your mother if she abuses your siblings. You should not have to be their defender - that does not mean you should not report her if you feel comfortable doing so.

I would side on talking with a school counselor. Most are very good. Do you know one that you trust? That is the ideal situation. S/he would be able to guide you and help you as well on your options and in many cases someone outside of school that can help you - like a lawyer or a social case worker.

The one good thing your siblings have is you - and even if for some reason your aunt is not able to care for them, you will be able to keep an eye out if whoever CPS would place your sibling with you can make sure they are in a good place. There are many good families that take in children like this situation. I personally know one local family here that had taken in a little girl and then later her brother. They are both teachers, there other children had all just graduated high school and they were in the perfect position to do this. They have since adopted these children.

Yeah there is bad there - and CPS is often times overworked. But if they have someone like you to speak up for them - it could be a good thing.

On the flip side - if your mom and dad have issues, CPS could possibly help them as well. If your mom and dad really want to have their children, there is likely counseling and other services that could help them and teach them why what they are doing is wrong and hurtful.

But if they stay where they are now - they are almost guaranteed to have continued abuse.