Addressing emails, cards, notes, etc.

Maybe your husband would rather that the friend address to you only. ;-)

Your last paragraph pretty well sums up what most people I know do. The husband puts the wife's name first and the wife puts the husbands name first. The exception may be when the other person does not know the spouse at all... then the known party would be first.

In addressing, most people seem to put the person that they know best first.

Sorry, but your husband is a bit behind the times. women are almost equal now. :-D

Ha, Ha Intrepid! That is what I told him - that I am equal to him. But he simply responded that it is proper similar to saying Mr. and Mrs. - you don't say Mrs. and Mr.

But I look at it that this is an informal situation so proper reference really doesn't matter. I never really thought of it before. But at least my friend gets his name correctly. His friend addressed me by the wrong name in a Christmas card!

I always put my name first when sending to someone I knew first and his name first when sending to someone he knew first.

I always put my name first...as I have usually bought the bloody card AND present

<LOL, smorgs!>

I'm the writer in my family, and I always sign us "His & Her Lastname." Whoever gets listed first doesn't get a surname next to their first name, and it looks like they're an add-on. It's enough that I gave up my given surname, let him do without his for awhile!

I guess I have no personal rule on this. I tend to put the person I know first, on non-formal envelope addresses, if the missive is to both partners. I won't even put Mr. and Mrs. or Ms.
That probably is an offshoot of a certain vestigial resentment I used to have re getting high school reunion invitations from "Mrs. Ronald Colman". Who dat?

As to signing holiday cards, my extended family tends to have one person buy a card, usually but not always Mom, and each family member sign.
My ex and I would do that too, most of the time, on individual cards such as birthday or graduation cards, but would just write J and J on holiday cards.

How would your husband handle Mrs. & Mrs. or Mr. & Mr. ?

Once in a fit of monumental absentmindedness I addressed a wedding-gift-check to the happy couple as, "Mr. and Mrs. Elaine Smith.

Both newlyweds found it funny--and they cashed the check.

Intrepid you are opening another whole can of worms there. My husband is not really open to that sort of thing - one a proponent of same-sexed marriages. While, again I could care less. I guess little bothers me.

Love it Noddy. I would get a good kick out of that too. My first birthday following my marriage, my brother sent a card addressed to me with my maiden name on it. I thought it a hoot and told my mom. When my mom mentioned it to my brother he was surprised that I changed my name - don't know why he would think I would keep my maiden name. For whatever reason he just assumed or probably always thought of me that way.

I personally do not have an opinion on this one way or the other. Just another avenue that your hubby should look at since he is being rather stringent on the male domination thing with his name coming first ;-)

Since I 'know' Linkat and not her husband - something I sent to their home would be addressed only to Linkat.

Linkat Smith
address unknown
city
zipcode

A letter to my friend Linkat would have ONLY her name on it. I'm not writing to him.

A Christmas card would either be to "the Smith Family" or Linkat and X Smith, and family.

Never Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms

If I met Linkat's husband, the addressee would likely be Linkat and X Smith on a letter or card.

He gets no special treatment for having a dingle.

Intrepid - my husband is not that much into male domiance as he has no problem with me earning significantly more than him.

He is also great at cleaning the bathrooms, doing laundry, ironing and cooking. He can just be a bit backwards on certain types of proper behavior.

There is a great aunt on my wifes side who I have met a total of one time. Whenever she sends us a card, she addresses it to Mr. and Mrs. jp Lastname

I chuckle at it everytime.

Don't chuckle that is the way I typically address cards when sent to a couple - then I always write their first names inside. But when I write their first names inside I typically will put the name of the person I am closest too (usually I know one of the couple well and the other I met as a result of them getting married).

For those with a family, I typically address the envelope with Smith Family and inside again, list the names with the couple first (depending on who I know better) and then the children according to age (oldest first). Don't know why - just the way I naturally write it.

I wonder if my husband addresses his sister first when writing cards to his family? Wait a minute - for family type cards, I usually write them! And I usually write her name first.

Well, maybe it should be ladies first!

Linkat
Linkat, decades ago (in the 60s), I stopped using titles in my mail. I felt it a hold over from previous centuries of unnecessary status formality. I use a person's first and last name. As to couples, I don't pay attention to any particular order.

I also stopped sending Christmas cards to reduce the burden on the postal service and an unnecessary expense that conveys little real news. Prolific card sending benefits the manufacturers more than the recipients. If I wanted to keep someone informed about me, I telephoned or sent them a letter. If I want news about someone, I called or wrote and asked about them---year-round, not just at the holidays. Now, I usually use e-mails instead of letters. The tremor in my writing hand makes writing difficult.

We continue so many outdated traditions. For example, why do brides continue the expensive practice of elaborate wedding gowns and especially veils. If you stop and think about the history behind the costume, it's is strange that we continue it today. Is it possible that the wedding industry manipulates us to continue the practice because so much money accrues to them? Add to that all the additional traditions associated with weddings that run up the bill---and for what?

Huge formal weddings benefit the wedding industry and create so much preparation exhaustion and costs stress on the families. Parents go into debt for years to put on a big show as if they were trying to emulate the snobbish practices of the very wealthy. The money would be better spent on getting the couple set up, perhaps with a home and furniture, or continuing education for themselves or their future children, etc. I can think of so many better uses for the thousands of dollars in wedding costs.

I know I seem to be a wet blanket on such traditions. I'm just too practical to engage in such meaningless show of wealth that most of us don't have.

BBB (the grump)

Not a grump... just practical.

And another thing
And another thing...having just watched the excesses of another high school graduation, when and why did it get out of hand?

High school proms were once about having some reasonably inexpensive fun. Now we have lots of money spent on gowns and tuxedos. And many hire limos for transportation. What is it with kids trying to emulate the snobbish practices of the very wealthy? What can the parents be thinking to support such crazy practices? Far too many grads are killed or injured in auto accidents resulting from too much alcohol at grad parties. Is all this worth the price?

The only ones who benefit from such practices are the industries that supply the goods and services. When did we lose our values perspective?

Would the money spent on such silly events be better spent on continuing education? I think so.

BBB (getting grumpier)

Good morning, grump, nice to see you. Well, that makes three of us that don't use titles. Except that I suppose I have used them at some point in business in the last thirty years (not for my clients, so who else, can't think of anyone at the moment). I even have trouble picking a title when I fill out forms... I think I've been known to say none of the above.

Tangent -
On weddings, I mostly agree, at least re very extravagant ones, but not entirely. If the couple, or bride's parents, have gobs of money, and the bride and groom are personally particularly delighted with a sense of the theater of life, I can enjoy a wedding like that without frowning. What I see more often though is people putting intense planning and money that could be used way more effectively - even if they can scrape the funds together - into a container of a few hours time, potentially packed with stress, when the marriage itself looms long. I sometimes think it is partly a way not to think about the marriage unknowns.

I'll be the counter-grump, I think traditions have their place and are important. We have so few shared traditions and experiences these days, and I think that is to our detriment as a society. See Joseph Campbell on this.

In terms of forms of address, I think part of it is whether it has been personally experienced as a form of oppression. To me, it has no particular baggage. When my husband got his Ph.D, my grandma started addressing letters to "Dr. and Mrs. Eegee Lastname." I thought it was sweet, he absolutely loved it.