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Sexless marriage

 
 
Milla
 
Reply Fri 22 Feb, 2019 07:01 am
I would just like peoples thoughts. If you were me what would u do? How would you react and how would u feel? I have been married for 1 1/2 yr haven't had sex in 6 months. Last year we had sex 3 times. So our wedding night I wore lingerie and was feeling excited and sexy. He told me he was tired and we will do it tomorrow and we did...then honeymoon wore lingerie again laying in bed, he came and kissed me, said ill be right back...waited 20 min, go out to the other room wondering where he is and he is watcging t.v.,
Smoking. I said what are u doing been in bed waiting for u? He says oh thought u fell asleep...um ok. Anyway we got back deciding we are trying to get pregnant so I was scheduling our sex night's and thankfully we did get pregnant right away. Through out my pregnancy barley touched me. I kept asking whats the problem and his response was there is no problem, u worry about sex too much. So I figured maybe he is weirded out about me being pregnant as some men are... Then months later I find he is watching porn every night and confronted him. It was a huge blow out, but he said he won't do it again and we moved passed it with Still no sex. Had the baby and when 2 months after I was cleared for sex we had it. That was in Aug. No sex since. we even went on a nice romantic trip just the 2 of us for 5 days and no sex. I have been turned down a few times of initing and i just wont initiate anymore. Im sure he is still watching porn but i feel so unattracrive and now even uncomfortable changing in front of him, thinking he must be disgusted of my body. He keeps assuring me that he loves me so much and he is so attracted to me but his actions dont show it and when i doubt him he gets so upset saying im overthinking it and sex is not that serious in a marriage. Am i over thinking this? Would other women begin to feel insecure? I would also love to hear a man's point of view. I just can't get answers from him and I'm feeling so down about myself lately. I feel like I have a roommate, not a husband.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Feb, 2019 09:22 pm
What were things like when you were dating?

Is this an arranged marriage?

What kind of porn is he watching?

Your ages?

HAve you gone to counseling?
Milla
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Feb, 2019 10:08 pm
@PUNKEY,
We were great while dating... it began to slowly change after we got engaged.
No arranged marriage, we dated 10 yrs ago, split up because he wasn't ready to commit and 4 years later we reunited and got back together.
From what I saw just regular porn, noting to crazy
We r in our mid 30's
No counseling. I don't even think he would be open to the idea. He doesn't think We have a problem.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Feb, 2019 09:57 am
You need to sit down with this guy and tell him he’s not fulfilling his marriage vows by withholding intimacy from his wife.

Tell him you are sexually frustrated and things need to change.

He either is not feeling well ( physically) OR psychologically ( has there been a death, job change, move, depression, financial pressure, family issue lately?) OR he has a lover on the side (male or female).

He needs a physical, first. Insist on this. Then tell him YOU are going to counseling - with or without him. Then do this!

This sexless marriage is unacceptable.
Milla
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Feb, 2019 04:34 pm
@PUNKEY,
Thank you for your advice! We are in a financial rut right now, but I wouldn't think that would affect his sex drive.
It's not even sexual frustration than it is wondering what is wrong with me?!? He is not attracted to me? Does he not love me? Am i too boring? I just want an explanation.
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 23 Feb, 2019 06:06 pm
@Milla,
Milla wrote:

Thank you for your advice! We are in a financial rut right now, but I wouldn't think that would affect his sex drive.
It's not even sexual frustration than it is wondering what is wrong with me?!? He is not attracted to me? Does he not love me? Am i too boring? I just want an explanation.


Why the hell are you blaming yourself over this problem?

I agree with the other posters here in that you need to be firm and take the steps needed to find the reason or reasons for the changes repeat the changes in his sexual behaviors of late.
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dungsauhanhphuc
 
  0  
Reply Sun 24 Feb, 2019 09:32 pm
@Milla,
I think you should have a conversation with him seriously. You ask him the reason why he acted to you.
If he has any problems with himself, you can help him to solve it quickly. The marriage is not a ending, it a beginning of a new relationship that two people have to try. Of course, sex is a key part in this relationship mantigames. If he doesn't say anything, you can divorce immediately. No regret.
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