Relationship issue cheat?nosex,drama

Reply Mon 3 Apr, 2017 12:05 pm
Hey guys I don't know where to start but I hope someone can give me some advice to help in this situation of ours.

So my partner and I have been dating for upcoming 4 years we are both 23 and we have both had a hard ass time at the moment, I'm not to sure what is going on in both of our heads but something is off,
I'll start by confessing my own actions I'm contributing to our problem we have,
I seem to get very jealous of who he hangs out with and who he talks to, idk why and it just seems to dig inside me that he's cheating on me, I'm hoping he isn't I'm about 91% he isn't cheating but the other percentage is still there saying he is. That's why I get so jealous and moody as I think he is all the time but I just have to take his word for it that is isn't but it's still in my head that he could be.

But saying that we haven't had sex for around 8 months neither of us, I'm more of the top and he bottom but pretty vers really and he hates to bottom cause of how "big" I am.
he doesn't indicate anything, mostly I hardly get foreplay as often as I do to him, I try and start stuff which just leads to him getting most of everything all the time, I'm left there hung up with nothing to show for it,
I ask to start stuff with me but it's always "I'm to tired" and "it's late, I'm sore"
Or the main one is that he's ripped, always ripped, always.
Constantly, if I'm lucky I might get something that he'll only put 30 or so seconds into it.
We fight a lot though, I've lost my job and we are struggling hard but we were kinda sexless before all this happened so I'm wondering why this is going on, I have asked what have I done what can I do to change this and he says that "I find you unattractive like not looks but just unattractive sex wise"
I don't know what to make out of that it's so confusing.

There was this time we had a huge fight over how we aren't having sex and that he isn't doing anything about it or even trying so I said to him go hook up go find out what u want, so he did we talked about it, I acted out all fine (but nervous) just to see if this will help things as I felt bad to that he isn't getting any and also he wanted to do a bit more "hook ups" cause he missed out when he was single, I had a few hook ups back in the day when I was single so he thinks this could be fair. I did say to him "fine if your hooking up I wanna to" he didn't want me to so I didn't bother arguing over it,
I said to him record anything that happens etc love to see it etc, (would like to see something like that but would hate it to)

They started talking again since he messaged him while ago and started to sext him a bit to before all this happened, anyway He went to the guys house (bf and I have known of him for years, was my old flat mates "friend" who used to come over)
And all I got told is that he got a golden shower and that was it, oh jerked of by each other to, no recordings nothing.
I was a bit iffy about the whole thing, in thinking you had the chance to have asx do all this **** and you don't? Apparently the guy didn't want anything done.

So what I did next, I had to cause I was just not dealing with it at all, I messaged the hook up, I asked what you both did and all he said is that he just did piss play and that's all, but apparently my bf was suggesting him to **** him? So that's that story and I was thinking, "so he wanted to get fucked by a random yet a few days ago you were 'ripped' and a week before that" etc etc.......
I'm like sure I'm to believe that? I'm a person who wants to know the truth I hate to be lied to, lieing would hurt me even more than truth.

After that all happened it just went downhill for me, I can't trust him even though he might be telling the truth, he's comes home which looks like a hiccie on his ass twice now and just seems stand offish and doesn't like me touching he very much, definitely around the ass. NO GO zone constantly, he goes to his mates place once a week (who's a girl) and randomly goes to his other friends to, idk if he is actually doing that or if he is doing something else,
I hate this feeling I can't trust him and it's showing thru everything. Every time he goes out or to the gym or something I just think he's having sex somewhere.

---(This Is a bit sad in my behalf, this is how my head is at this moment this is how bad I'm thinking)
We had a wedding we went to weeks ago and we went with his "gf" who was invited also to go, first time for both of us all good thought it would be romantic etc, first thing he does is leave me and walks to the wedding area shoulder to shoulder with her with be strolling behind, people thought they were the couple which is embarrassing to me as this is a wedding yes? Invole your partner more.
When the groom and bride were doing the speech he put his arm around her waist to "hold her up cause she was slipping" he saw me see it after awhile and did exact same to me.
I felt so distant from him and I literally was as they pretty much looked like love birds. I hated it I hated it so much, I wanted to just drive off and leave. --

It's like I'm here and I'm not getting used, lying here for months and my body only being lightly dusted is all it feels like to me.
He gets polished he gets to feel something.

We have had lots of issues in the past, I had major anger problems from events in my past which are getting dealt with,
He's quite smart mouthed and knows how to push and push,
I do think he isn't attacted to me because of how I was for the bad times we have had but I have and am trying to prove myself to him everyday but just doesn't seem to be fair anymore, I give and give without any hesitation but nothing really is returned back to me, I've lost that connection with him I think?

Lately I think both of us are a bit depressed and lost, he's working hard for us and with only one income at this moment it's not easy so I'm not asking for a miracle just need answers and suggestions for both of us.
The things I've mentioned are the main ones at the time and pretty big deal or for me it is.

ive known him since I was 19 and I want to keep saying that for years to come. I just don't know what is wrong with us, why is this happening, we were perfect before and we were happy and outgoing.

We do have our good times but the bad is hovering over a bit more.

What should I do?

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Reply Mon 3 Apr, 2017 12:24 pm
He wanted to appear, at the wedding, to be in a relationship with someone other than you.

He's pushed to have sex with someone other than you, too.

See where I'm going with this? You are both awfully young to settle down. I think you need time apart, possibly for good.

Find yourself. Build a life that doesn't have him in it (you'll be a lot less jealous of anyone in the future if you have hobbies and interests and things which are not relationship-centric).
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