How do I tell me wife she is overweight?

I don't know how to approach the subject either, but you better make sure she understands that first sentence before you start.

Since you are overweight, too, why not go on a diet together?

Go to a nutritionist or weight loss clinic and get into a formal program.

Make this a couples project to get yourself ready for your vacation.

Good luck!

You don't.

She knows damned well that she's overweight. She feels it every single day in her knees (I know this from personal experience). She doesn't need you to tell her.

What you do need to do is make this a couples thing. You go out walking together every evening, for maybe 20 minutes. Surely you both have that kind of time to spare, yes? And it's not a race or a fitness walk. You stroll and you chat and you reconnect. You make it a pleasant experience that both of you want to duplicate.

For more exercise, you swim together if there's a place to do that. Ask her doctor for a referral to a physical therapist to help her with her knee. And yeah, I've got personal experience with that as well. PT has helped me tremendously, and I still do the exercises even though it's been coming up on 2 years since I last saw my physical therapist.

You also work on it from the food angle (talk to your doctor first, please, as you are a diabetic). It's a helluva lot easier to say no once to an item in the grocery cart by putting it back than it is to say no multiple times when it's in the house. So put back the cookies and also the heavily salted and processed stuff. If she's been the only one doing the grocery shopping, then it's high time you pitched in and did it with her. Again, this is a pleasant experience. "Hey, let's get strawberries!" versus "Put back the donuts. How many times have I told you?" etc. you get the idea.

Shop almost exclusively the perimeter of the store: produce, meat, dairy, fish. Buy traditional oats (they can be fast-cook) for breakfast and ditch the sugary stuff. Make sure the bread you buy is 3-4 g of fiber per serving or more. "Lite" food is often terrible for you, because salt and/or sugar is added in order to mask that there's less fat. You can have full-fat foods so long as you don't have too much of them. Skim milk, though, is fine.

Don't go out to eat nearly as much. Restaurant food is larded up with sugar, fat, and salt. You can make much better foods at home. If neither of you are cooks or you don't have time to cook, buy a slow cooker and Google recipes. Don't use premixed slow cooker sauces; they're nearly always salty trash.

Instead, slice about three pounds of skinless chicken breast (trim and discard any visible fat), carrots (they can just be the baby carrots in a bag), celery, and chop onions. The vegetables should be around another pound. If your slow cooker's too full, cut back. If it's too empty, add vegetables. Full with water or with low sodium chicken or vegetable broth (that can be commercially prepared). Run for four hours and that's dinner for a few nights. Serve with salad and a couple of slices of toasted wheat (not white) or rye bread.

Substitute beef, etc if you prefer. For another recipe, soak beans overnight in water, discard the water and add to the slow cooker with low sodium chicken or vegetable broth, plus chopped onions and tomatoes. Run for four hours. If it's soupy, it's bean soup. If not, then it's filling for tacos.

Always have dinner with a big salad and always have that first. Drink water or skim milk instead of soda.

More cooking? Consider taking a class together, or following recipes. Even recipes that aren't reduced calorie, unless they're for desserts, are still going to be a lot better for you than restaurant food.

And, hang in there. I've lost 150+ pounds before, and this time around I'm at about 55+ off but have another 75 or so to go. My weight loss is maddeningly slow -- about 2 pounds per month -- but it's coming off. And I can attest personally to how much better my knees feel.

Oh, and a trip to her doctor is a must. Have her tested for thyroid function and have the doctor take a history to see if she's got PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Both of those make it a lot harder to lose weight but they are both treatable with medication.

Ever.

You don't. She is highly likely well aware she is overweight and if you say so it could cause her to stress about it causing more an issue with weight.

You could though tell her you are concerned about her health as you are the love of my life and I want us to be together for many years. And then speak to your own personal health concerns and what you are doing to improve.

She may open up then about what she wants to do and then simply offer your help.

When I had gained weight my father said that I look like a statue of the Greek Goddess Aphrodite or if we lived in the 50s I would be crowned Miss World ....

One meal a day... is the only sure way to lose weight.

Not every day but at least three to four days a week.

Forget exercise, if you are overweight then exercise is too strenuous on your joints and muscles. Caloric reduction is the only way.

The best way to help is "together" to both fast and have only one meal a day together. Weight loss by example.

If you lose weight it is reasonable to ask her to do the same but it is more helpful to work together on this problem which you both seem to be suffering from.

One meal and you lose weight that day, two meals and you maintain your weight and three meals and you are in danger of gaining and exacerbating your diabetes. If you get a headache with only one meal then when the headache sets in, take a short nap together and after you wake up it is woo hoo time.

I'm obese and I exercise every single day. It's not strenuous on me -- it's helping me get the weight off that is straining my joints.

Oh, and another thing. Diabetics are often counseled to eat several small meals in a day in order to keep their blood sugar on an even keel.

It IS okay to ask a mate to lose weight...

WTF? You have to make love to that body just as you offer your body for them to satisfy their own desires.

Just as it is okay to ask a lazy man to go out and provide for a family or to ask a partner to at least bathe once in a while. Just as it is okay to leave an abusive spouse.

I have left lazy partners who would not bathe and began getting fat. A relationship takes two people to make it work.

It is up to you, for better or for worse and you draw the line on what is "worse".

Be honest for if you mask your true feelings than you are living a lie and what is worse living a lie or telling her (and yourself) you both need to go on a diet?

If you are fat also then you are living in denial yourself and that could be the side effects of living a lie.

Get honest and get the elephant out of the living room and then figure out a plan.

One meal a day (a few days a week) is the only way to lose weight in your situation.

Hiding your feelings is not a plan... It is a proven way towards failure for both of you.

Face the issue and work to defeat it. This weight problem is killing you both and it is not being inconsiderate to try and remedy it.

When you love someone and you see them about to step in front of an approaching train you reach out and grab them and yank them in the clear.

You might be rough with them and you may startle them but why do you do it?

Because you love...

Well, then you are the exception not the rule.

Most people who have excess weight also experience joint pain from the strain it puts on their skeletal frame.

So running or fast walking is not an option.

Many obese people already have compromised their body in some way which limits movement.

The only way they can lose weight is caloric reduction.

Once they lose weight that way they may have a shot at exercise.

Besides the strain it puts on the heart...

Telling an obese person to exercise is sometimes tantamount to a death sentence.

When I was 20 lbs heavier I would go the the gym and walk fast on the treadmill for an hour and my hips would hurt for an entire week.

Wearing out the cartilage in your hips is not a good idea.

Is this person for real?

I listen to my doctor, who tells me to work out. Between the two of you, there's one MD degree.

Well that is the problem - you don't go from coach potato to walking fast for an hour - you build up. You walk more slowly for 15 minutes and then over time you increase the time and speed of your walking.

Anyone with a little common sense should realize this - everyone needs some sort of exercise just to be healthy.

She didn't like exercise.


Such people tend to get fatter with age.

swimming, walking on a beach or along a stream and in a forest. Sidewalks and roads are a no no for long life of joint cartilage .

I assume you think a wife should stay with her husband who beats on her. What're a few light slams here and there? (cynical)

Are you for real?

Obesity is a form of self abuse, and if one will abuse themselves then what kind of love do they have to offer others?

If you are into obese people then fine...

So what if it brings on early heart disease, diabetes and a whole slew of other ailments as long as you do not hurt someone's "feelings".... (again cynical)

The liver and kidneys can only deal with so much fat and then it can no longer filter impurities from the blood. Those impurities if left in the blood can lead to sudden death...

If you feel good giving someone wrong advice and insulting others who give it to people straight then you have more problems than being overweight.

And those who pile on here and support poor health and hygiene decisions, then you have no business on a site that is trying to impart "knowledge".

Honesty is the best policy... Those who would suggest living a lie need to get real with themselves and others...

The medical profession is full to the brim of people who recognize that overeating is a disorder that needs to be treated. Or else, a person can die from the problems that arise from neglecting treatment.

Are you suggesting he just let his wife die prematurely from this rather than try and help her?

She is already exhibiting the symptoms of what too much weight can do to a person's body over time.

He is asking for help not philosophy and appeasement.

It is not whether obese people look sexy in Victoria's Secret lingerie... It is whether if you love someone enough, you SHOULD help them to overcome a life threatening habit...

How do you tell her?

In the most loving and caring way you can...

She already knows... but, you can come with solutions rather than criticism and a plan rather than simply stating the obvious...

The only plan that works is caloric reduction over a long period of time.

(possibly) stomach surgery and definitely diet.

Now that is the pure and unadulterated TRUTH.

If you can work out then, fine, that is until your hips start hurting and your joints begin to wear out prematurely...

Then all you have left is caloric reduction... (which actually works) That is all I am saying. It is not that most people don't have enough muscle it is that they have too much fat. If you need more muscle then by all means exercise.

Muscle is good because it does speed up metabolism but adding muscle while one is severely obese is not always an option. But caloric reduction is an option (even if one had diabetes)... Weight reduction is the greatest way to alleviate the symptoms of diabetes brought on by obesity.

Any doctor who asks you to work out on an injury is a quack no matter how many degrees they have... Not working out on an injury is something you learn in high school gym class.

I have had a gym membership for almost 10 years and I still can only walk for short intervals...

The first thing is to lower my weight through caloric dieting then walking is not so much of a strain on my heart and joints... Make sense?

It is not because I was walking too long it was because I weighed too much.

Do you really know how few calories you burn walking for only 15 minutes? Less than 20 calories.

But you can lose a whole pound by eating one "healthy and nutritious" meal a day for only a couple days...