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Is Lord Ellpus Gustav's long-estranged twin brother?

 
 
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 05:38 pm
One time, while hanging around the swamp, Gus and I were fiddling around with a little bit of hypno-regression therapy for fun. While Gus was under, he related a tale to me that gave me the chills. It was the tale of his birth, and I swore I would never mention it again. He did not seem to recall any of it, and I didn't think it would do any good to tell him the horrifying tale. But now I feel that it is my duty to do so, because I believe it has relevance in light of recent events.

You see, Gus was born with a twin, and I believe that this twin is one Lord Ellpus.

On the day that Gus and his twin brother were born, the first one to pop out was the mystery baby that Gus has never heard from since that day. The child was frail, with a withered look about him. He came out like most babies, crying and covered in placental goo.

Then came Gustav. To the shock of all in the delivery room, he came out with a full beard, and perhaps not so surprisingly, already clothed in his overalls and carrying a miniature version of his trademark pitchfork. He was twice the size of his unfortunate twin. It seems that Gustav, being freakishly quick to develop, had taken most of their mother's nourishment during the pregnancy, and so had almost killed his own brother in the womb.

And he wasn't finished yet. The baby Gustav jumped up, howling like a rabid badger, and attacked his twin. Slippery as he was with placental juices, the doctor could not hold him, and before anyone could stop him, he had wrapped the umbilical cord around his brother's neck, and was now choking the life out of his own brother!

At that moment, their mother screamed in sorrow and agony at the scene which was taking place between her open legs, and it was enough to distract baby Gustav for just the tiniest moment. And in that moment, his little brother somehow slipped free from his umbilical noose, fell off the doctor's table, and smacked down on the cold floor with a wet plop. Baby Gustav felt he had no choice but to run. He quickly chewed through his own umbilical chord, spraying the room with blood and multi-colored viscous fluids, snatched up his little brother, and ran out of the room into the cold dark night.

Once he was outside and safe from his pursuers, he looked down at his little brother. It appeared to baby Gustav that the little one was not breathing, so he callously dropped him on the ground right there, in front of a stately manor in the area, and hopped on a steamship for America soon after, never to return. He looked up at the gate before he abandoned his seemingly dead twin, and there engraved in the iron of the gate, was one word. Ellpus.

Could it be that that frail child was not, in fact, dead? Could the Ellpus family have rescued him from his fate and raised him as their own? And if so, will Gustav welcome him into his arms as a brother, or will his murderous instinct once again take hold of him?

I for one, am very anxious to see how this all turns out.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 3,827 • Replies: 81
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margo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 05:41 pm
Yikes - sounds quite reasonable and in cahracter, though!
0 Replies
 
kirsten
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 05:48 pm
Fascinating Kicky! Keep pursuing this storyline. You could be the next JK Rowling....well maybe a little risque for the kiddies :wink:
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nimh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 05:53 pm
Sounds like a most reasonable conjecture, Kicky
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ConstitutionalGirl
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 06:12 pm
I think it will be Love at First Sight.
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 06:53 pm
Clearly kicky has never seen a live birth.
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Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 06:59 pm
"Is it switched on?"
"Yes Sir, the voice activated keyboard is in operation once again"
"Good, then get him in, so he can do his bit"
"Yes my Lord"
<shuffle shuffle cough>

"OK Penbury, do your stuff, I want this nipped in the bud as quickly as possible"
"Yes, Sir ....I have prepared the statement as you asked..."

"THEN GET ON WITH IT MAN"

<shuffle shuffle> "Ahem........I am here to serve an injunction on Mr Lickypants..."

"KICKYCAN, CANT YOU READ FOR HEAVENS SAKE?"

"Sorry my Lord, its the new secretary...she has been found to be dysle...." "BUGGER THE SECRETARY....GO, MAN GO....time is of the essence here."

"Yes Sir......Ahem........on Mr Kickycan, regarding the piece posted onto A2K re. the casting of aspersions over his Lordships birthright. This article must be cancelled forthwith, upon pain of execution in the Tower......we cant say that Sir, he doesnt fall under our jurisdiction being American."

"Well bloody well warn him about my links with the CIA and the information that they have on him regarding those Bordellos that he owns"

"I think you have just done that Sir, with the V.A.Keyboard"

"Oh...right, well .....that should sort the blighter out then eh Penbury? Jolly good show...and dont forget to include my photo in the post, just to make the point"
"Which Photo is that, Sir?"
"The miserable one.....you know, the one we always send to charities when they ask for money"
"Oh, That photo Sir"
"Yes, now turn that damned machine off.....this'll frighten that Italian Bast <click>....................
.......................................................................................................http://sc.groups.msn.com/tn/9A/10/theravensrealm/121/1faf.jpg
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 07:00 pm
Hahaha...yeah, THAT'S the implausible part of the story.

<edit: This response was for littlek. Lord Ellpus snuck in here before I finished posting.>
0 Replies
 
realjohnboy
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 07:04 pm
hah. This gets wierder and wierder.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 08:07 pm
Lord Ellpus wrote:
"Is it switched on?"
"Yes Sir, the voice activated keyboard is in operation once again"
"Good, then get him in, so he can do his bit"
"Yes my Lord"
<shuffle shuffle cough>

"OK Penbury, do your stuff, I want this nipped in the bud as quickly as possible"
"Yes, Sir ....I have prepared the statement as you asked..."

"THEN GET ON WITH IT MAN"

<shuffle shuffle> "Ahem........I am here to serve an injunction on Mr Lickypants..."

"KICKYCAN, CANT YOU READ FOR HEAVENS SAKE?"

"Sorry my Lord, its the new secretary...she has been found to be dysle...." "BUGGER THE SECRETARY....GO, MAN GO....time is of the essence here."

"Yes Sir......Ahem........on Mr Kickycan, regarding the piece posted onto A2K re. the casting of aspersions over his Lordships birthright. This article must be cancelled forthwith, upon pain of execution in the Tower......we cant say that Sir, he doesnt fall under our jurisdiction being American."

"Well bloody well warn him about my links with the CIA and the information that they have on him regarding those Bordellos that he owns"

"I think you have just done that Sir, with the V.A.Keyboard"

"Oh...right, well .....that should sort the blighter out then eh Penbury? Jolly good show...and dont forget to include my photo in the post, just to make the point"
"Which Photo is that, Sir?"
"The miserable one.....you know, the one we always send to charities when they ask for money"
"Oh, That photo Sir"
"Yes, now turn that damned machine off.....this'll frighten that Italian Bast <click>....................
.......................................................................................................http://sc.groups.msn.com/tn/9A/10/theravensrealm/121/1faf.jpg


I am unphased by your hostile demeanor, sir. In fact, I am a little confused as to why you would take offense at my attempt to reunite you with your own flesh and blood. I was expecting more of a greatful response from you. I had even held out the small hope that you might include me in your will, and leave me a piece of your sizeable fortune.

And another thing! I am quite offended at your use of the knowledge I so selflessly provided to you regarding the posting of an image in order to threaten and intimidate me. You, sir, are no gentleman!
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 09:00 pm
The grinding wheel turns in its rapid fashion and sparks fill the air as the tines of a pithfork, one by one, are pressed against the stone and honed to razor-sharp, dangerous looking points. Gustav turns the fork in his hand and examines the deadly points. In the background a rat scurries across the floor and disappears into hole in the wall.

"So, he survived." whispers Gustav as he reaches up and pull the chain on the single overhead bulb. The barn is plunged into darkness. A shuffling is heard. And then a raspy voice.....

"Not for long........ not for long."
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 09:04 pm
Shocked Oh my god, what have I done!!!???
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 09:11 pm
Oh boy. May Lord Helpus!
0 Replies
 
colorbook
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 09:35 pm
realjohnboy wrote:
hah. This gets wierder and wierder.


<nodding yes>

...I can hear the faint sound of dogs howling in the distance.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 09:37 pm
colorbook wrote:
realjohnboy wrote:
hah. This gets wierder and wierder.


<nodding yes>

...I can hear the faint sound of dogs howling in the distance.


and the scratching sound of skeletal fingers on the window ledge ...
0 Replies
 
paulaj
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 12:17 am
Gus...have you taken into consideration that Lord Ellpus is a generous chap,...and that he has a squillion dollar fortune, and a castle in Dorkwitch, (Dorkwitch; a witch that ain't to bright, but must be one heck of a gal if she has a castle for an IUD.)

<Gustavratzenhofer' conscience>

"Noone has to get hurt.........put the pitchfork...down-down-down.........put it down-down-down.........way down upon the swaney riverrrrr <PAY ATTENTION SELF!>_____________flatline_______________.....

Base camp to old man in the mountain DO YOU READ ME?"....
0 Replies
 
paulaj
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 12:18 am
I sure wish I knew what was going on here!
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Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 12:41 am
"Good grief Penbury, is that the best you could do?"

"It is very late, Sir"

"Never mind, they wont notice.....get the photo done and lets get on with it"

<FLASH>........"It came out rather well, Sir"

"Now my dear, sit over there and read this as clearly as...." "Its switched on again,Sir"

"OK Penbury....as clearly as possible "

<shuffle shuffle rustle shuffle>

"Ahem, My name is Agnes, and I hereby confirm that I was present at the birth of Lord Ellpus, in 1932. I was the midwife in attendance at Droitwich Manor......'ere are you the geezer wot lives there are ya?"

"Stick to the statement my dear, we'll talk later"

"Ahem....Droitwich Manor, where the late Lady Ellpus, gave birth to a single, yes I repeat ..single, meaning there was only one, and definitely not twins.....male child. He was healthy, strong and rather handsome in a dashing sort of way, compared to most babies."

"Sign off dear...that bit at the bottom"

"Oh yeah........I hereby certify that what I have just stated is the truth......Agnes Wartscratcher...
............Midwife of this parish, aged 107."

"OK Penbury, get that off....and dont forget the picture.......now my dear, fancy a small Cognac back at my Place?..........................
http://sc.groups.msn.com/tn/9A/10/TheRavensRealm/121/1fb1.jpg
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 12:54 am
"Wait a minute my Lord, I seem to have made a mistake"

"What?.....lets have a look.....GOOD GRIEF!...you've just posted a picture of the delectable Teri Hatcher !"

"Sorry, Sir"

"Well, bally well delete it for gods sake"

"I cant, Sir....the delete button doesnt seem to do anything"

"We'll just have to post the nurse picture again then, wont we"

"Yes. my Lord"

"Go on then, and you'd better introduce the photo again, otherwise it may lose credibility"

"Yes, Sir......Ahem, this is a photo of Agnes Wartscratcher, midwife of this parish, aged 107"
..http://sc.groups.msn.com/tn/9A/10/TheRavensRealm/121/1fb2.jpg



"Has it worked?"

"It seems that way, Sir"

"Very well.....now where were we my dear......I was thinking about a little Fois Gras, a bottle of Champers and a romantic song.....are you familiar with "Is this the way to Amarillo", my dear?, that normally sets the right mood..........................
0 Replies
 
paulaj
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 02:00 am
Lord Ellpus, how is you fanny, your personal cook that is?
0 Replies
 
 

 
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