Will the pastors family and I ever reconcile?

What are the ages of all persons involved?

It seems that the girl did not want your attention and the Pastor carried that message to you to back off on the contact. End of discussion. Accept this and move on. It has nothing to do with the church or your attendance there.

The girl does not need to give you a reason why she does not want your attention. A gentleman will take the hint and fade away.

Be a gentleman.

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@shyguygamer1,

shyguygamer1 wrote:

Well his exact words were "give her the space she needs to process." I'm just very confused about what the end goal is here. ((((. I suspect there is no end goal, perhaps you are intense and you frighten her))))

He said they talked as a family and it was very emotional (((It sounds as if she’s frightened and her family is distressed))))

. but when he talks of it it's like he plants this hope that maybe in the future her feelings will change, (((I think it’s more likely that in the future this young woman will understand why you make her uncomfortable......it doesn’t mean at some point she will want a friendship))))

it's like I dont want to have this false hope that maybe we would work it out someday. ((((I’m not sure there is anything to work out, if you make her uncomfortable no one can pressure her to become comfortable....it just doesn’t work that way)))))

Because honestly if they ever do try to reconcile I'm going to tear them a new one verbally. (((This comment worries me, it sounds like you’re a little tightly wound......this young women may be fragile for reasons you don’t know...it’s possible that a prior experience makes it difficult to make new friends....it could be anything, including losing a childhood friend to a fatal illness or accident...or perhaps she has emotional issues.......)))

It’s best to follow everyone’s else’s advice and just move one. Her family may like your posts on Facebook but are unable to explain what’s happening with the daughter. The daughter is entitled to privacy, let it go and assume it really has nothing to do with you. It probably doesn’t have anything to do with you, but if having you close triggers anxiety it’s best for everyone to stay away.

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@glitterbag,

well I can't speak for the girl...I really don't know. The father said he doesn't see me as a threat. So I don't think it's a matter of them being frightened...I really don't know what it is.
And if they wanted me to stay away, they should have said that very directly. In fact, I even e-mailed the pastor and said if his family would like me to never contact them again, I'd be willing to respect that...and then he offered coffee....soooo I'm really confused. Like either cut me off completely or not at all...don't keep me hanging on a thread.

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@shyguygamer1,

I can’t speak for the girl either. I think it’s just uncomfortable for everybody. I don’t know if this helps, but my first husband ride to kill me back in 1976.....my parents were distressed but they treated my ex with a certain amount of respect because he was the father of my son. You have to remember that 1976 is nothing like 2018, and back then unless the police were sitting in your living room when your husband fired an automatic weapon....you were **** out of luck....my word versus his word...

What I’m trying to tell you is it doesn’t matter what or even if it ‘s valid why the daughter wants to avoid you, I’m saying that her father is trying to allow her to feel safe while also trying to tell you to back off from his family but also telling you it’s ok to worship with him.

I’m not saying you threatened this young woman, I’m just telling you you need to back off......unless you are so absorbed by your own ego you feel entitled to cause a man and his daughter distress. Think about that. You might be wonderful but his daughter is uncomfortable....what do you think should happen? You think he should send his daughter off to prison so you can feel better? It won’t happen, my Dad might have been courteous to my ex but he protected me over my ex. It doesn’t mean that a minister must choose you, he’s not denying you worship or fellowship, he just wants his daughter to feel safe. Don’t make him choose or ‘rip him a new one’ because he loves his children.

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@shyguygamer1,

He is not keeping you "hanging on a thread", he is being polite. He is also a pastor and his vocation leads him not to cut you off completely. There is no reason to be confused. You are never going to be as close as you were. People drift apart all the time and toss in the occasional Facebook like as they are going through their feed. Wave when you see them on the street, say "let's get together for coffee" and understand that there isn't going to be any coffee.

One question: when you turned yourself into the police, exactly what did you tell them? It had to be more than " a girl is mad at me and I don't know why".

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Did you skin your knee 2 weeks before your 4th birthday?

Of course you don't remember, and it doesn't matter anymore.

Same with this.

Sing along with Elsa and Let. It. Go.

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@engineer,

Well I was afraid because I knew the children when they were minors. They're all college age now but when they reacted that way I had a panic attack because they could have said anything. I also have a tendency to joke around and was worried I said something wrong. But the main thing is when they called me barely tolerable it started triggering schizo bipolar and depression and I started trying to figure out if I had done anything wrong. I came across information about emotional abuse and thought maybe that's what the problem was.

The reason I feel like he's giving me false hope is because he used the story of the prodigal son. He said how the son wanted to leave and the father let him go and when the son returned the father embraced him.

One thing though. The pastor has actually threatened to call the police on other people showing up to church. So if he was really uncomfortable with me he would ask me to leave.

I've known the family for 5 years and there was never a problem. This all came way out of left field.

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@shyguygamer1,

I think you did say something wrong. Exactly what did you say?

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@shyguygamer1,

Schizo bipolar and depression means you check in with your case worker, not a police department. What would you have done if they arrested you on the spot?

I don't think you're being honest about any of this. You knew you crossed the line. Why didn't you seek treatment?

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@neptuneblue,

ok...so first of all I did seek treatment...after the police incident. This is the first time anything like this happened. I was really confused and didn't know what was happening to me. In fact, the therapist I had said after a long time to try to reach out to the family and explain my feelings...which is WHY I said I didn't think he was a good therapist. The only thing I can think of was his daughter and I talking online...right before everything I sort of poked fun at her celebrity crush, was just joking around but meant nothing serious...but like I said I wasn't sure if that was it or not and I had asked if I said something to hurt someone and he said no. I think what's really bothering me is not knowing what was bothering her in the first place when her entire family and I had always been on good terms.

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@engineer,

as far as what I said, I said I wasn't sure if I had done something illegal regarding a girl. They began asking a bunch of questions like, if I threatened her, which I didn't so I said no. if I had ever enticed her, asked her to hang out outside of church, teased her...I said no to all of these but later on thought maybe the teasing part was true but I wasn't really sure, certainly not in any romantic way, but I never asked her to hang out or enticed her in any way.
They also asked why I kept going back to the police instead of mental health (I had gone back 3 times between there and mental health). At first they asked if it was because I wanted another ride up, I said I don't know, then they asked if it was because I cared about her, and I didn't say anything because I didn't know if that was it. Then they asked if I could let her go, I said yes. Then if I would give up everything for her, and I said yes (because I felt guilty). Then they asked if she said she was leaving and never coming back, would I let her...I said it would be hard but yes. Then they asked me what her middle name and birthday were, which I only knew her birthmonth...which i didn't know why this was relevant. I showed the police our conversation on facebook and they looked at it and they said I haven't said anything wrong and that I haven't crossed a line.

Basically, I think the whole police thing probably just made things far worse than they were.

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@shyguygamer1,

This isn't the first time you've dealt with your symtoms though. You're disregarding your IEP plan. Why are you doing that?

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@shyguygamer1,

Quote:

Then they asked if I could let her go, I said yes.

Then do it.

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@neptuneblue,

actually yes, this was quite literally the very first time I've dealt with the symptoms. I've never had delusions or hallucinations before this, never had suicidal thoughts before this, and never had any symptoms since the incident. My family has experienced it, but not me personally. What do you mean by IEP plan? You talking about the thing where you can identify your triggers? Kind of hard since I've literally had only one incident.

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@shyguygamer1,

Schizo bipolar and depression are very serious illnessness. And now you're saying you've never had symtoms until now....

I call troll.

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@neptuneblue,

Well technically I wasn't diagnosed, but the symptoms were very similar. They put me on risperidone and zoloft. But I promise I'm not trolling. My story is 100% true. And trust me I know they're serious. My mom hallucinates on a regular basis and is diagnosed but she was also diagnosed later in life.

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@shyguygamer1,

It's been eight months and you're still holding anger. What have you done to alleviate this? What advise has your care specialist given?

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@neptuneblue,

That's just it...they really havent given me much advice and what advice they have didn't seem appropriate. They put me on meds. The therapist said he thought it was good going back to work. He said he understands I feel ostracized at church even though I'm allowed there, and said after some time had passed to write an email to try to talk about things, and it just made everything worse. I'm more confused than angry really. The therapist and psychiatrist can't seem to figure out what's actually wrong with me. When I told him what the pastor told me, how it's hard to love my neighbor when I dont love myself, he didnt know what that meant, and asked me what it meant, and I didn't know either.

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@shyguygamer1,

I can’t stress strongly enough to seek additional therapy before something catastrophic happens. Less than 2 months ago, my neighborhood was locked down as police looke for shooters at the local newspaper newsroom. Five people were murdered by a man holding a grudge against a girl. She accepted a friend request from him but became alarmed over his email and Facebook posting. She had to move out of State and keep her location a secret for the last 13 years.

I’m not saying you want to hurt anyone, but you do seem angry and that might be what this young woman senses about you. Please get help and tell you
therapist everything. You can climb out of this situation now if you get help.
I truly hope for the best for you.

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@glitterbag,

One thing I do think is a possibility...but it's really hard to tell...is maybe I could be a narcissist? I mean...if they told me I was then at least I'd have a starting point. But in my past there have definitely been instances where people have called me out for being self-centered. I think it's kind of hypocritical because I think everyone is self-centered, and it isn't like I don't do things for other people, but I do think at least with emotions and communication I can definitely come across as all about me. I guess what the real issue here is that it's hard to get help when I'm not exactly sure what help it is that I need.

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Will the pastors family and I ever reconcile?

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