my tribute to cavfancier

and my moment

janet jackson and cav
stuck together in my head now
sorry cav

tiny video link

i'm disabling the links, so i can resume my album profile in the music and lyrics forum, i'm sure that cav wants us to get on with the really important things, especially exposing people to new music

Thanks for the hosting, djjd.

Please forgive me for resurrecting this thread. I was at an A2K meeting in London today when Diane told me that Cav had died.

We'd emailed a few times and I knew he was hoping to become a TV chef. We had a lot in common as I also write poetry and have a Cavalier.

I'm still in shock. He was a lovely, bright young man, very much in love with his wife.

Like so many of you, I'll miss him.

while this thread is bumped, i have a story to tell involving cav, about two weeks ago i lost my wallet (or so i thought, it had gotten stuck under the car seat), and as bummed a si was about having to replace my identification and cancel credit cards, i was the most disturbed by the loss of two items, a laminated souvenir ticket from a tour of the united states capital (i didn't take the tour, i found it in a used book i bought one time) and cav's obituary from the toronto star, i'm still not sure why i felt so upset, but i'm glad i found the wallet and all is as it was

There are posts that get bumped every so often and they have cavs mark on them or were of his creation. Its like SInclair Lewis said that we create a heaven for our friends everytime they are remembered.

with apologies to Warren Zevon

"When were busy posting things into a thread

We often will think of him and wel smile

we still remember all the crazy things that he said

well keep him in our hearts for awhile"

I don't become involved in such threads as this because I grieve alone. But I do have to say, I miss Cav as much as anybody else.

Those are lovely thoughts, farmerman

Remembering Cavfancier(long post)
Hello everyone,

I apologize in advance, if I'm scratching open scabs and/or creating fresh wounds...I just don't know who to talk to about Cav's passing, and I'm mourning, though I realize, incredulously, that he's been gone almost 3 years now.

This is going to be difficult to write, but I'll try my best. I know I'm among many of Cav's friends and admirers. He was a gem of a man, and I miss him so much. Often has he strolled through my mind, and for a good long time, he rented a sweet space in my head and heart. I was just too young, foolish and daft to realize what I had.

All these years, I have held onto a trove of love letters he penned to me, pictures, cards and poems of Cav's, and I still pour over them lovingly. I realized too late I threw a gem into the ocean, being 37 now. Youth, youth! What idiots it makes of us all....

I was 19 when I first met Cav, in Monterey, in December, as I was having dinner with my family at the Monterey Hotel, and he was on Holiday with his parents. It was love at first sight, and he followed me around the Hotel that night, and where we each cast longing glances across the room at each other in the lounge, while a piano man clicked out Christmas classics on his baby grand. He asked me for my phone number, and called me later that night. I adored the fact that he didn't adhere to the silly date rule of waiting a few days to contact someone whom you just acquired their number, and from there, we began our correspondence and friendship, which lead to so much more...

Cav(or Paul, as I knew him)walked through my mind, as he often does, early this evening, and so, wondering where he was and how he was doing, I googled his name. My stomach lurched and I read the horrible news that he'd passed in 2005! "Oh my god" are the only words I have now, and I can only imagine how his wife is doing. Paul loved everyone close to him in his life with a passion, and before I've read how much in love with his wife he was, I assumed that he showered her with love. He gave me so much, but I rejected it, being an idiotic young 20 year old. We reconnected and tried again a few years later, but driven by my insecurities and confusion, we broke it off completely a year later. I had hurt him badly before, and not wanting to reblock ACT 2 from our previous affair, he stepped out of my life.

I just want you all to know that I'm glad he was surrounded by so much love, and became a smashing success in his cooking career. He was a true artist, not only in the kitchen, but he was a poet, a brilliant musician who introduced me to new musicians, especially Irish musicians, as I'm Irish, and insanely brilliant new genres of music I'd never heard of...The Cowboy Junkies, Sarah McLachlin, Save Ferris, and on and on.

I know that when we were together, he spoke at length about his dreams for his cooking career. He longed to have a personal chef business or a catering company, and when he was starting out, when I was with him, he was already booking small events, and building on the momentum. His passion for cooking, and for all the things he loved in his life, was humbling and inspiring.

If anything, I wish he were with us today, so I could apologize for my youthful idiocy, and for my foolish stupidity. I treated him horribly, and I hate myself for such a horrendous mistake. I regret letting him go, and know that, if I had the chance to time-travel, I'd of never let him go.

I've been crying like a baby, reading his posts and reading about one of the poems posted here, that I have a copy of, from WAYYY back. Wow. My head is spinning.....

I'm thrilled to hear that he married a lovely woman, whom he showered with love, and I'm even more heartened to see all the wonderful people here, from a2k, who love and care about him.

Thank you for allowing me to share my memories of Cav. Again, I'm sorry if I opened any wounds, but please know that Cav was a blessing in my life, though I was too young and stupid to realize the gift I had.

Le Anne in San Francisco

sfmuse - Welcome to A2K!

I hope that it is a comfort for you to know that Cav's "wonderfulness" (for want of a better word" was quickly recognized by the members of A2K. He had loads of friends here from around the world, who loved him, as you did.

Cav was one of those people who leave an impression on the people that he meets. It is always sad when someone so young dies. But he accomplished in life what eludes many who live for a far greater time. He has left a legacy of joy that lives on in the hearts and minds of those who came in contact with him. He has left the world a better place for him having been in it!

Sfmuse--

Your post reminded me that Cav is still alive in the people he influenced and loved.

Welcome to A2K.

Hello Le Anne,

That was a lovely tribute. Welcome.

Le Anne, that was a fine tribute. I'm sure we all understand. And, yes, there is still great love here for him.

Recently, JPB resurrected a sammich thread to which Cav had contributed. It made me sad.

Le Anne - Cav is still thought of often. He was a one of a kind gem. I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to live with any regrets. You were doubley blessed to have known him in real life.

The gift of Cavfancier(Paul)
Hi Phoenix,

Thank you for what you wrote, as it's terribly sad and tragic when a young life is taken, especially a force of nature that Cav was. His spirit is still with me, as his love for me and the goodness he brought to my young life dictated and influenced the relationships I had after him.

I may never be able to go back, but I will continue to hold the love I have for him in my heart, and let is shine like the incandescent brilliance that was and is Cav.

This song punctuates how I'm feeling right now...I can't stop crying, and I miss him more than my tongue has words or meaning. Mind you, I'm not an Eddie Money fan(help me, no!), but this song is so appropo:

I was listening to the radio
I heard a song reminded me of long ago
Back then I thought that things were never gonna change
It used to be that I never had to feel the pain
I know that things will never be the same now
I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know
I recall hanging out on Friday night
The first slow dance
Hoping that I'll get it right
Back then I thought I'd never ever stand alone
It used to be that a lonely heart was never shown
I know that things will never be the same
I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know
Can't go back
I can't go back
I know now that things will never be the same
I said
I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know
No, No
And do it all over

Thank you
to this wonderful community of a2k. I feel very welcomed...again, Cav continues to influence me, as he lead me to you :-)

Again, my apologies if I'm asking too much or scratching scabs open, but does ANYONE here have a copy of Cav's obituary? Does anyone know where he's buried? I'd like to travel, to wherever his body is deposed, and say my goodbyes to him. Until I see where he is, it won't feel truly real. I know, it sounds silly, because intellectually I KNOW he's gone, but to actually see where he is, will help me greatly with closure.

When he and I parted, we didn't have a real goodbye, as there was always a sense that the door was left slightly ajar, which again, if I could go back just 10 years, I would make SO many different choices, Cav being one of them. Cav is truly the great love of my life, and as I said, I continue to be inspired by him.

I'm sorry if I'm coming on strong here, and upsetting anyone. I'm happy to show anyone my Facebook profile, to prove I'm not some strange stalker of Cav. :-)

Many MANY thank yous, dear a2k friends of Cav!

Le Anne in San Francisco

Looks like the obits have been archived off the newspaper sites where they were posted, but I did find this:

http://www.ogs.on.ca/ogspi/200om/05mes001.htm

The location of the cemetary is posted in the wake thread.

The Poetry of Cavfancier
Hi everyone!

Thank you for making me feel SO welcome to a2k!

As I mentioned, I have some of the "lost" poems that Cav/Paul penned 12-15 years ago(I can't believe that much time has past since he wrote them!). I would post some now, but I'm staying at my office in San Francisco tonight, as the storm pummeling San Francisco and the howling wind battering the North Bay is too heinous to drive in. Cav's poems are at my home in Marin, safely tucked away, but when I'm up there tomorrow night, I'll pick them up, if the electricity is back on. I'll be happy to post some of my favorites, if you'd like to see them?

Let me be the first to say, his poems that I have are just as brilliant as anything he penned over the last few years, before his passing :-)

Thanks again, everyone.....

LeAnne in San Francisco