How big an age difference is OK in sex scenes/creative writing

Well first of all, sex with a minor is illegal.

Yeah. Major cringe man

Cycloptichorn

Well how big of an age disparity is OK then? Because kids have sex too. But doesn't things like that happen in real life, and get reported?

I'm under the impression that it's better if the woman is older, is this true?

What would you say is OK girl 20, boy 14? girl 17, boy 14, girl 16, boy 15? Or what?

It's going to depend on what you're going for with your story.

If you are looking for shock value, then don't even ask. If you are looking for something romantic, however, then the boy in this instance is a minor and would be a major turn-off for a lot of readers.

And another thing: when your character is in her twenties, she's a woman and not a girl.

Language matters when we write.

Maybe it could be justifiable if the theme, as in the well-known novel by Vladimir Nabokov, was how the older person is a revolting self-excusing sleazebag, and how nothing good could come of the nasty business. Great pains would need to be taken to avoid any hint of titillation. Quite frankly, if you need to ask such a question on a site like this, I don't think you would be up to that task.

Well one of the reasons I ask is because I want to know how much I can get away with. In order for my story to work he has to be at least somewhat younger, but maybe I could make him a little bit older. The story is about a woman who has an affair with a boy who finds her sexy, this initially happens without her spouse knowing, yet he has his suspicions.

better than what?

Better than if it's the man that's older, that would be more frowned upon.

I think you are incorrect in that belief.

Abuse of power in relationships is generally frowned upon.

Just looking at pop media, you see more coverage of women going to jail for sexual abuse of younger men/boys than coverage of men abusing boys. That could be a good thing for your book, but in real life those women are scorned.

I had always avoided reading Nabokov, because Lolita was underage. I was unaware, until I googled just now, how young she really was. It's worse than I thought.

So would you say 14 is alright? 15, 16...? Say something that's alright.

Even a couple of years older than the age of consent is uncomfortable for me.

Is the context of the story in any way important for this kind of situation. Does their age impact the story or are you trying to go for some kind of shock value? It seems socially that it doesn't seem to be as extreme for the woman to be older than the male, even though it's still frowned upon. But if it were switched around, it will really offend people.

But I am more curious of the story. It must be related in some way or else why even have it in there? So the context for me is important. I know its taboo of a situation but the context is where the point is. Or at least I hope it's there or you might want to rethink being an author.

Where I live, I think opinion is increasingly seeing all sexual exploitation of kids by adults as wrong and criminal, whatever the sexes.

It's a story about a woman who cheats on her spouse. The boy gets infatuated with her, and she lets things go where they naturally go. It's important to the story that he's younger, because that creates conflicts (with parents...) and contrast (with older spouse...)

Surely if you have to ask people on a web site what is OK to write about, you aren't really a writer?

Are you sure you're writing a book? It sounds more like you are fishing for pervs.

Wait. Okay conflicts of parents needs to be explained a bit more. Because is she trying to cause the problems? That is her motive? If it is her motive why is it her motive? What is her goal by causing this conflict?

Part of story telling should involve the reader. If the reader doesn't relate in some way or find their own life experiences as having a tie in to the character, the reader will reject the character. I'm not saying that they need to be identical. What I am saying is if the reader doesn't understand the characters motivation they can't identify with that character and will refuse to sympathize with the character. If the story requires that the reader sympathize with that character then your story will be tossed in the garbage can. All stories are a play on psychology. If you break those rules then your readers will refuse to play along.