Toxic friend won't leave me alone?!

Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 02:35 pm
Hello. Before I state my problem I want to inform any readers that english isn't my irst language so excuse any spelling mistakes. Also sorry if I sound angry, well, I am. I have a big problem with my "best friend" who lives a 5 min walk away from me (you might be able to see how THAT'S a problem...)
She (we're both girls) wrote me a letter a few minutes ago in which she said some pretty bad things but I didn't wanted to write her an even worse letter back so I am writing this now, but more to the letter later. More about her and our "friendship"... I could say she's kind of a bad friend... She doesn't listen to what I say even if I had told her a few minutes ago (for example doing things she knows I HATE and similiar), behaves very childish all the time but when we're in an argument she acts like she's 5 years older, constantly tries to push me into social situations I don't want to be in (I'm an introvert and she is an extrovert, I've tried explaining to her that I can't go out as often as she can because of that but she didn't listen), is often just really mean etc...
Now she wrote me a letter in which she tells me that she is angry because I am so often ill??!! And yes I am often sick but I can't control it and I've been sick very often for my whole life now (we know each other since 1st grade so she should know that...)... I have tried to stop meeting her multiple times now, but every time she gets me to meet her again (our locations may be another factor so I can't avoid her for months while also being socially active) and acts like not meeting anymore is something we both don't want and actually wants me to say sorry and promise I won't "leave her" again for so long...
One time while I was sick (again...) she went to our home and talked to my mom that she has no friends (which isn't true) and how her parents are oh so mean to her... a lot of the things she told my mom wasn't true. I have no idea how to get away from her mostly because we live so near each other and also because I don't know how to tell her something without her being REALLY angry and making other people angry at me (again)... please, help me and tell me what I should tell her because I am sick of both her, but also my lies.
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Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 02:50 pm
Tell her something like -

I'm sorry but being friends with you is just too stressful. I appreciate the good times we've had but I need to concentrate on my health now, so I really need to ease up on hanging out with you. Thank you for understanding.

Even if you know she won't understand, say it anyway. It softens the blow and it gives her a chance to feel like she's a better person than she truly seems to be. It also tells her the truth about what's going on. If she connects being friends and giving you stress with harming your health, well, that's not exactly what you'd be saying here. But I, personally, wouldn't disabuse someone like her of that notion. If she can't figure out any other reason to lay off, that can be one, and she can blame an amorphous illness rather than you - and she can't honestly fall back on her poor, poor pitiful me routine.
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Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:17 pm
You need to learn how to handle this now because there will be similar situations in your life when you need to distance yourself from others who suffocate, sabotage or use you. So learn how to detach.

Stop arguing or expressing your frustration with her. She is not getting it - or she likes the challenge of trying to control or manipulate you. ( She's already showing she can do that with your mother)

Simply be busy so there's no time for her. Just don't be home; don't answer the door; walk another route. Do this not with anger but with the idea that you are off on your own adventure. Get another friend.

Let your mom know that you need a breather from her. It really sounds like this girl has stressed you and held you back socially. Time to fly away from her.
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