How can i get over my paranoid mind

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I found out in july that my husband of 24 years had been chatting to women on a well know rip off web site. He had spent lots of money doing this. When confronted he confessed and we talked and decided to work at our marriage. The intimacy had gone which i was just as much to blame for this. things have been fantastic both in and out of bed but i am still checking his phone emails etc and just don't seem to be able to get past this. It is almost like i want to try and catch him out but i cannot get this out of my head. I love him and he loves me very much but i need to move past this

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 559 • Replies: 9

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View best answer, chosen by loopyfrank

@loopyfrank,

Quote:

It is almost like i want to try and catch him out

I can understand this urge. If you don't catch him out, you'll never "know" if he cheats. But if you catch him, that painful and haunting uncertainty disappears.

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No wonder you are angry. He spent household money on this. He took time and attention away from you.

But you both didn't communicate about your needs. After this long, you two should be taking vacations and finding things to do together to make these last years full of good memories. Somehow you two drifted apart. Both of you are co- responsible.

How are you spending your days?

Perhaps marriage counseling is in order. Your anger and his shame are toxic to the marriage.

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@PUNKEY,

I would add - if this is not the only time household money has been coopted, check finances closely. That is, this could be the tip of the iceberg to a gambling or spending problem. If the wife doesn't have charge of the finances, she'd best get it or at least share it, as big spends can run everyone's credit rating through the gutter and that can be hard to recover from.

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@PUNKEY,

we got married young so hopefully lots of years left! i just need a way to move on because it is making me ill and i am going out of my mind x

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@loopyfrank,

What is he actively doing to try and regain your trust?

Not just what isn't he doing.

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@loopyfrank,

keep in mind that it's not that long since July.

Expecting a relationship to recover this quickly is very very optimistic.

have you talked to a counsellor or minister/priest/rabbi about the situation?

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@ehBeth,

i know, maybe i am expecting too much too soon. He has openly left all passwords unchanged and told me i can check anything i want whenever i want i am beginning to believe it is my paranoid mind and i am worried i will take things too far and drive him away Sad

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@loopyfrank,

You are having obsessive thoughts, not paranoia.

Forgive, but don't trust. That has to be earned back.

Forgive, but no one is asking you to forget.

In years to come I hope you can just laugh at this for him being a foolish old man.

How can i get over my paranoid mind

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