I still want my ex

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I still want my ex and want to reach out to him via facebook but I am scared. He is married. Please don't lecture me , i know i know...you all think it is wrong. But I have loved him for ten years and he wanted me back and i rejected him. I consider it one of my largest mistakes. I really want to just say hi to him and apologize and see what he says. He may be cold and distant. He may ignore me completely. I have no idea what he will do, but I feel like if I never reach out, I will always wonder. I am in a very lonely long term relationship. I have tried everything to fix it, but my partner is uncooperative. He ignores me ALWAYS, but claims he loves me. It only makes me miss my ex more and more. Should I reach out to him? If so, what should I say? I do not have terrible intentions. If he seems happy, I will back off. But I just don't think he is. He looks miserable in all his pics. His wife is super frumpy (it may be neither here nor there, but he is a highly sexual person, and I know it bothers him). I just can't stand the thought of him being stuck in a bad marriage, when I am still in love with him and he doesn't even know it. Shouldn't he at least know someone loves him this much? I would want to know.

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@misslny,

10 years sweet, you truly have to get out of both relationships.

10 years and yet, he never left his wife I am not lecturing you just want you to open your eyes, then your heart.

You aren't happy where you are, you won't be happy sleeping with a married man again that can't be yours, you deserve to find love, you want it, you yearn for it, yet you just go for " safety".

Time to love you and see who you are and who you can become and find someone you love that loves you

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

i appreciate what you said..but he doesn't know how i feel. that is the issue. he hasn't left his wife...because many people try to work marriages out. it is not as if i am sleeping with him or trying to. i haven't spoken to him at all. it is funny ...people say love is undying, that it never goes away..then once we feel that way--they tell us to move on. lol to get over it...well how can i get over something that won't go away. i know he doesn't really love her. i feel like you think im in a relationship with the married man..i am not. i have just never gotten over him. i had him when he was mine and no one elses

1 Reply

@misslny,

I would recommend some counseling to look at your own situation and why you are stuck on this guy after all these years. It is not your place to "rescue" him from (what you perceive as) a bad marriage. You may be unhappy, but you need to address you without taking on the role of home-wrecker.

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@misslny,

Quote:

i know he doesn't really love her

You do not "know" that he doesn't love her. Maybe you hope he doesn't. But you do not know.

Quote:

I am in a very lonely long term relationship.

This says it all. You are unhappy so rather than "fixing" your life by ending an unhappy relationship and living for yourself, you seek to return to a relationship that you effectively ended once before, maybe because you are simply afraid of being alone.

Quote:

If he seems happy, I will back off. But I just don't think he is.

You have absolutely no way of knowing this.

Quote:

His wife is super frumpy (it may be neither here nor there, but he is a highly sexual person, and I know it bothers him).

You do not know anything of the sort. Just because she appears to be "super frumpy" to you does not mean that she is not a highly sexual person also.

Quote:

I just can't stand the thought of him being stuck in a bad marriage,

Who says he is stuck in a bad marriage? Oh, yeah, you say it.

Bottom line, you are unhappy so you have created this fantasy in your mind that he is unhappy and that all will be well if you contact him and tell him you love him and want him back. Please leave this man alone. He has moved on from you long ago. It is time you move on from him. If you are not happy with your partner, leave him and work on being yourself and then find someone new (who is unattached.)

1 Reply

@misslny,

Time for you to grow up.

Really.

End the relationship you are in.

Get counselling to figure out why you are hung up on someone who moved on from you years ago. He has a life that does not include you. It does not matter how you feel about him. His life does NOT include you.

Figure out why you are selfish enough to want to do something that could harm someone else's relationship.

Do NOT look at your ex's social media. Get a friend to come over and block all his accounts for you if you are not strong enough to do it.

Grow up.

2 Replies

@misslny,

misslny wrote:

I still want my ex

don't lecture me ,

I really want

I will always wonder.

I am still in love with him

I would want to know.

this is not about how your ex feels/might feel/should feel

Break up. Get counselling. Get on with your life.

___

as for being in love with him - you don't actually know him anymore. he has a life, a wife. He made decisions that didn't involve you.

I think you're considering being mean to him and his wife. You don't do that to people you love. If you love them, you want them to be happy in the lives they have. Wish him well and leave him alone.

1 Reply

@CoastalRat,

Coastal Rat...best post ever.

To the OP, whenever you yet again question/think any of this, reread his post.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

wow ...you are extremely rude. i was looking for advice and you told me to grow up. TWICE. you can reply in whatever rude way you want..you surely will

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

yeeeeaaaahhh---you don't get to tell me who i love.

0 Replies

@chai2,

look---i posted this **** for advice..not judgement. but that is what i have received. i'll take your comment with a grain of salt.

1 Reply

@misslny,

You just posted.

"I still want my ex"

"Don't judge me"

Regardless that you didn't want to hear "grow up, he's not yours" you spat and spat from hearing it.

I therefore think that you will do what every you want, regardless, through selfishness, your own desire, wants, needs, no care in the world for anyone else.

Consequently E-Beth's comment was spot on...

3 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

you are just a common person who thinks in common ways. good luck to you

0 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

also--you are jumping to conclusions. i came here for advice. not to be told to "grow up" --i mean --cmon! i haven't acted on this and have wanted to do it for a long time..so you do not know what i will do. just please go harass someone else. i literally came here for a little advice not to be called names like homewrecker and so on--it is laughable. in this world if someone says they want to even speak to a married man everyone shutters. maybe i am not the one who needs to grow up. he is still a person and so am i and we have a shared history --so if i simply want to contact him and see how he is--frankly, i will

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

if their marriage is worth anything--he will only be cordial--no harm, no foul

0 Replies

@tibbleinparadise,

the term "homewrecker" makes you lose all credibility. no one can wreck someone's home.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

ps ---if i have the ability to hurt his relationship, then it isn't very solid to begin with. this post is simply about me reaching out to him. if i am met with coldness (if i ever do reach out) --i walk. no biggie. in this day and age people reach out to their exs on social media--for closure, just to catch up. it isn't the end of the world. and being hung up on someone for years is pretty normal. google it if you don't believe me. the world is filled with people hung up on exs--current s.o. s just don't want to believe it

0 Replies

You've been given nothing but advice.

The advice has been to grow up, leave him alone, get on with your life. That's not judging, it's advising what you could do.

1 Reply

@chai2,

shut up

0 Replies

@misslny,

You received advice but you didn't like it.

You didn't come for it either, I mean I've never seen so many replies by an OP, that simply, states, I WILL...

So you didn't need advice at all.. I think you were hoping for "aweee, such history yes contact him" but instead got, nup, leave it alone, he is married to someone, let it be.

One thing I note, is nowhere at all do you feel "guilty" for even thinking that way, about his wife and how she would feel, knowing your "plans".. Rather put her down over weight as if you are better, can entice him, she's plain fat.

Well honestly? Grow up.

2 Replies

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