@centrox,
In my lifetime, the shame on the family thing has gotten a lot thinner, but I do remember it, luckily not from my own immediate small family - except maybe the Boston cousins, somewhat older than me... with a lot of set ways. Not that they were bad people, I don't mean that, but the primary cousin I talked to was pretty set on the roles of men and women re who was family important. Me, even back then I was off course on all that stuff.