Is sexual relationship worse than emotional relationship when it comes to cheating??

Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2017 06:04 pm
So my husband of 14yrs had an emotional and sexual relationship with someone 10yrs younger than me. I am 33. He says she definately wasn't anything special in bed...it was just something "new". Is it bad that I'm more jealous and insecure about the sex than the emotional connection they had??? It all hurts...but I find myself obsessing over the sexual details ect. He told her he loved her, was gonna move in with her and had unprotected sex knowing she wanted to get pregnant. In the end he chose me....but I don't know if I should believe that's what he really wanted. I think there are other affairs he won't admit too. For instance he said he had a one night stand about 2 yrs ago.....that would be the first person other than me that he had sex with. I clearly remeber about 6 months after that he searched on the computer "can u have an allergic reaction to a condom" and said if he had an STD it was from me smh. Should I assume that was another affair or he was still worrying about the one night stand from 6mo prior????! Don't know what to do and hare bronging it up bc I don't want him thinking about those girls. He said he blocked it out of his mind....should I believe that?
Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2017 06:18 pm
" ...in the end he chose me...." This sounds like you're a consolation price to him. This is so wrong on so many levels, if it were me, I had given him the boot with the first infidelity.
I am not sure what you're asking here? He's been cheating on you for quite some time and it looks like he wants out of the marriage, he just hasn't found a woman who'll take him. I think any woman in her right mind won't take him, so he'll stay put with you.

If you can, please go to counseling, you seem to have low self esteem. You don't have to take being second fiddle to this man who will have unprotected sex with other women and is jeopardizing your health along the way.

Toss his sorry ass out the door and get yourself a good therapist!
Good luck!
Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2017 06:42 pm
We have been together for 16yrs....we are high school sweet hearts. We have 2 children. I love him very much and it's so hard for me to let him go. This younger women was going to take him, but he chose to stay with me and work on our marriage. He could've easily moved in with her....that was his plan. We did go to counseling for a few months after it just happened. I kind of feel like it was a marriage re-boot and it made a spark to new chapter together....I am now 8 moths later having terrible depression and jealousy. I've just been thinking about it a lot. I don't know how to get the other women out of my head! And I can't help but to constantly compare every little thing to her😔
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Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2017 06:44 pm
Also, he didn't come clean about he first infidelity untill the most recent one happened. He said the first one was a one night stand...a curiousity to see what another women was like(since at that time he was only with me). It wasn't emotional at all. Idk....it's all so overwhelming and has made my self-esteem hit an all time low.
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Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2017 09:41 pm
Not unusual to have a delayed reaction to all this. You now have time to process it.

Betrayal is not easy to get over but you must work thru it whether you stay or end the marriage.

Go back to counseling by yourself and work this out.
Reply Fri 7 Jul, 2017 12:49 pm
Do you think I should ask him to go back to counseling with me?? I did feel like it was easier to talk to him about these feeling while in counseling....also, the counselor could help explain to him that how I'm feeling is normal. My husband just keeps saying that everytime we talk about it, it just re-hashes the affair and he doesn't like thinking about it. Should I care if it re-hashed things? I mean he is the one that caused all this pain.....shouldn't he have to feel it too?
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Wife cheated. Should I forgive her - Question by mannythedog123
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