My ex contacted me what to do?

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Hello, my ex recently contacted me on Facebook out of the blue. This guy and I had been together for 4 years and yes he was truly my best best friend. Things ended badly for us but we moved on never to speak to one another again. So life went on and I got married. Now here I am and out of the blue this message comes. "Ashly- life has finally settled down for me, life is good, but I miss you. I'm not talking to the ashly that has moved on in life with someone else or the ashly who resents all the bad we went through. So if that's all that's left stop reading now and enjoy your life without me.
This is for the little bit of ashly in there if any reason still has me in her mind. Life has been so good to me and all I can ever think about is that I want to tell my best friend about this. And she is nowhere around I hurt because I miss my best friend if there's anything in there that misses the friend in me please reach out. So much relief would come. I promise not to ruin you again. I just miss my best friend I would give anything.....well if you want to find me you can always I'm glad things worked out for you, and I hope you are happy everyday of your life....I just want my heart to rest old friend."

....wow....
Not going to lie he lays in my mind all the time as well. Not for anything else but for the same thing sometimes I wish I could just tell him what's going on or call him up to rant..we truly were great friends...my question is should I call him once and only once for that closure?? I want to so badly but there is a piece of my heart that says not to because of respect and love for my husband and I know it would ruin him and he'd be pissed off if be found out and very hurt if I even brought up the topic...what to do...

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 777 • Replies: 15

View best answer, chosen by ash16

@ash16,

You can't have it both ways.

I've had exes contact me. The first person I tell about such things is my husband.

2 Replies

@jespah,

That was my immediate thought! Thank you. I'm just going to ignore it

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@ash16,

I'd also just let it go. Some things out of the past are best left in the past. You ex is still in the past, knows you are married and have moved on (he can see your Facebook), has disregarded your current relationship, and is making a hard attempt at reviving something that died a long time ago.

There is about a 100% change he has recently gotten out of a relationship that left his ego battered and bruised so he's grasping for the familiar.

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The kicker I just found out in all of this is that my best friend, Jon, knew about this! I text him to get his advice on the matter and he just told me! My best friend lives in the same city my ex just moved to and ran into him one day and they have hung out a few times just because my friend, Jonathan, is nice and wanted to show him around town and he said "it looked like he was rly down and I empathized with him" wtffff.
So my ex has not had any relations after me! So he tells Jon. He's just still not over all of this. ..crazy...I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me any of this and has been hanging around my ex without telling me -_-
Also he was blocked on my fb. He went and made a completely separate account just to be able to message me...ughhh what a tangled web. I'm staying out of this

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@ash16,

Please do. This guy is exhibiting some stalkerish type behavior.

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@ash16,

ash16 wrote:

my best friend, Jon

Maybe you should review (a) friend and (b) best, here?

1 Reply

@centrox,

Well obviously haha I didn't know he had done this! Needless to say I'm definitely putting him at a distance now :/ sad sad sad

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@jespah,

I've contacted an ex, back when I ran across a review of a book of his, some fifty years later. We were glad to email back and forth to catch up on our lives. No distress on his or his wife's part about his hearing from me after all this time. And no, I didn't pester them after the fill-you-in letters back and forth, or vice versa.

I'm still in email/phone touch with my ex husband. We broke up more than 20 years ago, after more than 20 years. We don't hate each other, and his wife isn't all worried. We've a history of family and friends together, talk a few times a year.

Sometimes, after a while, lovers who broke up can remain friends, for reasons other than sex. Just maybe they liked each other's brains and friendship will survive.

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@ash16,

You've long ago gotten your closure. Life has gone on and for the better (at least for you). This man is hurting now and quite selfishly behaving.

Let it rest. No need for a reply. In fact, a reply should be avoided at all cost. There'd be a difference if the relationship hadn't ended badly - but it did end badly and you suffered due to it.

Continue enjoying your new life and your husband. Impulses should sometimes be set aside. Your husband appreciates you and this would unsettle him and you know it. He doesn't deserve to have the seeds of doubt placed in his mind.

You have got a best friend (in fact, quite a few) already. If this man was truly thinking of you as his friend, he'd have left you alone.

P.S. FWIW, I've also got an ex with whom I'm in touch regularly but we were never married. We never lost touch after our break-up; however, we met at age 50 and broke up 7 yrs latter with no bitterness.

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@ash16,

It's a little telling that:

a. You are afraid to tell your husband.
b. You are willing to toss aside someone you say was your 'best best friend'.

Are you afraid of wanting more than a friend?

In any case, when fear of husband overrides the value of friendship, it doesn't sound good. Maybe a good time to reflect on the big picture

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

I told my husband that same day no problem ^_^ I couldn't be dishonest with him! It was just a moment of shock and confusion. It's all gone and taken care of didn't respond and not going to Smile

2 Replies

@ash16,

W00t awesome! Good for you.

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@ash16,

OK, You're doing the conservative thing.
And a ship in port is safe.
But is that what ships are for

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@ash16,

My goodness I just checked my fb messenger today...apparently my now ex best friend told my ex boyfriend that I had seen all the messages and since then my ex boyfriend has left about 20 messages on fb, a 10minute voice message, and tried calling me! Wtfffffff blocking everyone. I can't believe this stupidity

My ex contacted me what to do?

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