For those who Really want to help

This isn't a rant, it's not really a vent. Well, maybe 3% vent.

As for the rest, I know after many years many/most people really don't know what to do/say in certain situations, and how you can really make yourself useful.

If you know people that are regularly in an out of the hospital, most of the time because of a semi-emergency, or emergency situations, here are some ways you can really show your concern.

In no particular order....

If someone asks you to come over and help get a person in a mentally confused, uncooperative, and physically weak state into the car, follow that persons directions.

Please don't think you can come into someones home and pychologically access the situation. You won't be able to say the magic word, and get someone who can't stand on their own, and arguing they don't need to go anywhere to suddenly agree they need help, and the hospital is the place to be. What the caregiver needs is someone who will help you lift on the count of three, and get them down the 5 steps outside the front door, and into the car. Hours from now when the person needing help is stablized, they will apologize saying they're glad you took charge.

No I don't need to call 911, because I can get this person to the ER in the same amount of time, or sooner, that if the ambulance shows up. There's no heart attack going on, so I'm not going to need to give CPR on the 5 minute ride. If by chance they send the person home, we're going to have to pay for that ambulance, which ain't cheap. I know when to call 911.

Don't tell me later that "He hasn't looked so good for the last 2 days, and I was really worried." If he hasn't looked so good, why haven't you said something?! If you are living with someone, it's often easy to miss signs of things going off the rails, and someone saying this to you would have been a tremendous help. You are not butting in, you're not going to hurt anyones feelings, you're helping when you do that.

Keep in mind that is someone is older, and/or has health problems, a small thing can produce a domino effect, and very quickly, like a day or 2, the wheels can come off the bus. Don't think because someone was fine one day, or a little off, it's not going to be a disaster the next day. If someone in compromised health gets dehydrated, things go bad quickly. Really quickly.

Even if you are, or know the other person is religious, now is not the time to fall back on this "I'll pray for you" stuff. Prayers aren't needed. Concrete help is. Ditto for posting little hearts and hugs and Hallmark crap online. Honestly? It's annoying as ****. If you do that, it's really for your own benefit. The rest of the world doesn't need to know you're being supportive. This isn't about you at the moment.

Don't talk to the caregiver like whatever is going on has made their IQ drop by 20 points. Talk to me in a normal voice. Not some sad, halting way because you think that indicates your concern.

If you want to bring me something, ask what I need.

If you want to help, say the words "What do you need?"

The answer isn't going to be flowers, or balloons or a stuffed animal.

It will be "could you take my trash cans down to the curb? If you're coming back could you pick me up a sub?

You can be a huge help to a friend or neighbor. You can be that person that your friend or neighbor is grateful for. Words are important, but sometimes actions are what is needed.