Who should I go for?

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There are currently two people I like but I'm battling myself in my head over what the best choice would be. I recently mentioned I might be getting back with my ex, but I've also been talking to someone who seems pretty cool and I'd like to get to know better. The thing is, my ex is the same age as me and I have a real-life history with her, even though we did first meet online and she did cheat on me and break up with me a couple of times, however this other girl is quite younger than me even though she shares all the same interests as me and seems like a really laid back person.

So I'm 21. The girl I talk to is 15, but by the time I get out of the military she'll be at least 18.

My ex is 21 and with a little financial help, I could bring her to Japan to live with me. Only thing is, I have had some hard times with her and I'm not sure if I fully trust her. But she has shown that she wants to get back into a relationship with me. I've talked to her about getting back together, but I don't really know if I should rush into things.

Any advice? I don't think it would break the other girl's heart if I told her I was getting back with my ex, but at the same time, she has traits I'm interested in.

My ex has an online boyfriend at the moment, but I can see she's not too serious about it because she still flirts with me. I wished her the best with her current relationship, but I don't think it would take effort to sway her and steal her back.

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[+5] - roger - 12/25/2016Ex ain't looking too good from my viewpoint. The 15 year old is, well, 15 years old. She's going to be a different person at 18 and especially at 21. I seriously think you need to broaden your...

@Skeleton ,

Ex ain't looking too good from my viewpoint. The 15 year old is, well, 15 years old. She's going to be a different person at 18 and especially at 21. I seriously think you need to broaden your horizons.

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@roger,

I know. I don't really have any standards. But I'm not a pedophile at least, that's why I'm considering waiting. I could keep talking to people online but I wouldn't have to pay for travels if I met someone in person. But, meeting people in person is hard too. Ugggh.

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@Skeleton ,

From my perspective I think your ex is not good for you. So, don't be hesitate and be happy with your present girl.

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@loardeva,

The thing is I'm not really dating this girl yet. We've talked about dating but I have only met her online. And I can't really date her for a few years so I'm still single.

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For Christ's sake stay away from a 15 year old girl!

Jesus skeleton.

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@chai2,

I already said if I was going to date her I'd wait 3 years because I'm not a pedophile. I've only met her online.

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@Skeleton ,

You think she's going to be around in 3 years, as in available? Has she even indicated she'd like to date you, let alone wait 3 years to do so? One that you have only communicated with online? What? In 3 years you're going to go physically find her?

3 years is a long time. To a 15 year old kid that's incomprehensible. She just a child.

In any event, what could a 15 year old kid have in common with a grown man? What would a grown man have to talk to a child about?

Come on my friend, use your common sense.

Go to things and places without your drinking buddies, things that you like to do, and you'll end up meeting the people there that also like that activity. Some of them will be women. That's what you're looking for skel. A woman, not a girl. Get to know some, and let them get to know you. This is a time tested process. It doesn't work in text time, or snapchat time, or whatever. It works in real people time.

Stop already with this "meeting girls online" stuff.

Set your standards a little higher.

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@chai2,

I just don't know what I'm to do, man. I'm too shy to just approach someone new. I don't know. **** man, I'm sure I'd be fine if I even had just a pet to hug, but I'm in the ******* military, I can't have a ******* pet. I don't even have a lot of free time to work on my hobbies. All I really do is drink and play video games and watch anime. So I associate with people who play video games and watch anime, I.e people younger than myself because I never mentally grew up. **** my life, man.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I mean, I met my ex online, and that worked for a bit. Since I'm in the military I had some sick cash and traveled to meet her in person, and it was sweet. I know I have the ability to meet people because I have money.

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@Skeleton ,

Good, because the young is going to be a different person in a few short years, and the older (ex) is set in her ways and isn't going to change a bit.

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@Skeleton ,

Skeleton wrote:

I never mentally grew up.

Sure, like you're just going to stay with the mental maturity of a kid the rest of your life.

You'll grow up when you have a strong enough reason. Like when you realize that everyone around you that is your age is acting like an adult, and you're still being a little kid. I'd imagine that will get embarrassing enough after awhile that you'll change.

From my experience and memories of 21 year old males, some are still acting like little boys, and others are men. Women prefer the men.

Skel, everyone around you is in exactly in the same boat. Everyone is working hard, and has little time for themselves. You're not unique.

Some of them cope with it by being losers who drink and make fools of themselves. Others play games and watch cartoons. Still others seek and find more fulfilling activities.

Sorry, but you can't tell me on a military base they don't have other forms of recreation available that are more physically and mentally beneficial.

Why not try something new. You may discover you like something other than video games.

You need to get comfortable dealing with people in general in a non-romantic way before rushing into romance.

Also, it's been suggested before you get some counseling. There's no shame in that. Most people need or get it at some time during their lives.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I'm not keen on trying to pretend I'm something I've never learned to be. The whole adult thing would crash and burn immediately. I'd just be an even more awkward weirdo probably. Imagine me trying to be a drone. Ugh. It's like you see in the movies when the manchild attempts to be adult for the first time and gets a job in a cubicle and tries to act really boring but it's awkward and he hates his own life even more. That's me.

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I think that if I ever became something I'm not I would be an abomination to myself. It would have to die

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@Skeleton ,

Sure, but people do change without becoming a different person. Don't force it, but don't get locked in to the exact person you are at 21.

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@roger,

I just don't know what I'd do, how I'd go about it without becoming an abomination to myself.

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Rogers right. No one is asking you to be something you're not. Clearly you don't like the way things are going, so change, slow change is the answer. I think you need more help than anyone here can provide.

It Start with not imagining a 15 year old child is going to somehow be available to you in 3 years.

If you are willing to wait to even date someone for 3 years, don't you think you'd be able to find someone age appropriate and physically present by the time you are 24?

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@Skeleton ,

Skeleton wrote:

I just don't know what I'd do, how I'd go about it without becoming an abomination to myself.

Who should I go for?

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