Unhappy neighbor / smoking in duplex

You certainly should be able to take a break just like a smoker.

I didn't indicate I am ready to quit, just ready to use gum if I cannot get outside for some reason.

Boyfriend has indicated he would quit, if I did or if he didn't have to smell my smoking while trying to quit, so maybe he will.

You are right about the smell and the nicotine residue.

Already my space feels nicer, so I do have some compensation for my efforts.

Also, I was just ready to shampoo the carpet anyway today, so now it's all clean and I love that.

I don't know what to say about the insurance. I haven't been to a doctor in years and years. Perhaps decades. I am very healthy and active and eat very well.

I resent having to pay premiums for services I haven't used in decades.

I'm one of the lucky ones, for sure.

I didn't think you could do that, using both at the same time. Maybe that's old info.

Yeah well.

We both know it doesn't work that way in real life.

Sure non smokers take breaks. Sometimes one just needs to clear their head.

But it's not like smokers do.

It's not that often where you want to talk to someone and ask "Where's chai" and the answer is "out on a break" A break ususally involves going to the restroom, maybe chatting someone in there for a minute or two, needing to run out to your car to get something you forgot, maybe sitting down in someone elses office to share something. You won't generally find a non-smoker sitting in the conference or break room just sitting, and doing nothing else, just looking off.

However, when someone asks "where's dupre?" No one is surprised if the answer is "out back taking a smoke break"

Sure smokers stand around and talk to other smokers, but they also go out and just....stand there.....it's really kind of funny to see.

Then, when they're done with their 1, 2 or 3 cigarettes, they too go to the restroom and chat with someone there, sit in someone's office to share something.

I get what you're saying that everyone is "entitled" to a break, but, if a bell rang that mean certain people could stop what they're doing and take a break, I'm confident most of the time the non-smoker would just keep working because to stop and start would be too disruptive, they might think "I'm not pavlov's dog, I'm working". But the smoker....out the door.....

Ha!

I just remembered something.

I did have a job where all these nurses, plus the DON (all smokers) would all go out en masse to "talk about an issue at work", but for some reason, that always involved lighting up.

They had this really nice patio area, and there was a window there, so you could always look to see who was out there. If you needed to find someone, that was the first place to look.

One day I went out there to ask the DON a question, and then sat for a few minutes listening to some gossip.

Every so often when it was slow, I would go out there and plop down and say "I'm taking a non-smoke break" Funny. I'd be there 2 minutes and have to leave, too boring.

I, on the other hand have known many smokers who are or were brilliant, not boring.

There's was an old Friend's episode about that. Very funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRH_DhiKaeQ

The smoking section is usually a very friendly place to be.

Piano is now sparkling. I'm going outside for a smoke break with my Mr. Buddy propane heater and long john's.

So, I guess this will blow over (pun absolutely intended) after a bit when neighbors experience the change.

I am sorry I said what I said. I am also sorry she seemed to take an attitude with me.

I did reach out to the Realtor who is on my side in this thing, but happy for it to be resolved.

My guess is that Realtor has had numerous histrionic requests from neighbor who is in constant need of something. I'm the neighbor. I hear about her requests and complaints directly from her.

The last thing she got was a new dishwasher because hers wouldn't drain. I suspect neighbor put something in there that she shouldn't and that they couldn't fix.

Still, I remember when I was 19 with my first apartment. Newlywed. I didn't know you couldn't just fill up the disposal with everything and then turn it on. The maintenance guy had to fix it and explain it to me. Neighbor isn't 19, but she might be off a bit. Who knows. Her husband always looks tired to the bone, and since she is home all the time, I know he doesn't have to do anything but work.

I, on the other hand, was working 73 hours a week, and since my boyfriend refuses to acknowledge he is partially disabled and so continues to go to work every day, everything in this household is done by yours truly.

So, at the time, my only time to do my chores was Sundays from 3 pm to 10 pm, and neighbor asks if I might teach her little one piano during that time.

I don't know how that relates. I just wanted to fuss.

I got laid off recently, but definitely saw it coming. I saved up a bit, so can take this time now to re-organize after our big move-in and spruce up the place.

It's awesome. I'm also in school full-time now for a certificate to get ready for grad school. I'm going for a masters in technical communication.

I am very lucky and life is so good.

I should not have responded to my perception of the neighbor's smug attitude when she "got her way."

I've got so much, and they so little.

Where was my generosity?

So here's the latest. I checked with our local tenant's council. The remedy is that if neighbor's family has a health issue due to her living conditions she may be either relocated to another unit and if one is not available she may be released from her lease.

Thoughts?

I know smoking may not be acceptable to many people for many reasons; however, it is legal and within my legal rights to do so. And in my home where I live, it is legal for me to smoke in my home.

And neighbor has a legal remedy. I might be willing to contribute financially to her relocation; although I am in no way responsible for that.

In my experience, moving one person away from the other was the only solution that calmed everyone down.

Thank you for your wisdom.

I just talked to the Realtor, and she might have another unit available in this duplex complex.

However, Realtor sounded like she would rather the tenant move on, because neighbor has been an expensive, demanding, argumentative, and unreasonable tenant. And she provided some examples.

I offered to help with the unit's make ready if tenant can be relocated.

I suggested that our smoking outside may not work out as a permanent solution, but that we could try it for a few months while a more permanent solution can be found.

Having neighbor's spouse knock on my door in the middle of the night and threatening us with legal action and then have neighbor act smug and sanctimonious after our generous offer, and to walk passed me on the porch without even a comment or nod in my direction are just too much to engender continued sacrifices on our part.

edgarb knows his beeswax re apartment complexes over the years. Maybe you remember that, but in case you don't, a guy to listen to.

I don't think it was very professional of the Realtor to gossip about your neighbor.

She was selective and only responded to a little I already knew and we both stopped.

Neighbor came to me today and said she doesn't want to stay mad and I apologized for treading on the sanctity of motherhood and assured her I think she is a wonderful mother.

I did mention that my boyfriend is not entirely on board with the current solution, to leave the door open for further options.

In the meantime, I am sprucing up the back yard to make it more pleasant for him. He needs to soak in a hot bathtub or hot tub for his injuries and really enjoys being able to smoke while doing so, so I am trying to get the hot tub back on line for him.

In truth, he smokes a lot and so I would prefer him to not smoke in the house as much as he does.

I need a laptop anyway for my courses, so that may resolve most of my inconvenience.

We are trying, and since neighbor was so kind as to extend the first olive branch, she might get what she wants.

She did say something holier-than-thou about it, though, but I was able to bite my tongue better this time.

Older, wiser.

Boyfriend and I are smoking outside. AC and Heater are completely off. I feel we should ensure that we are in no way the culprits to any additional issues and to continue to work the problem, which may be multiple and which may stem from her own home.

So, today, I get this note:

"Happy Holidays. Can you please stop spraying whatever chemicals are [sic] spraying for this smoke. It is not improving the situation. Now there is smoke and chemicals over here and the chemicals are strong. We are leaving for the day so it can air out. I thank you for your effort in this matter."

I promptly invited neighbor into my home to inspect every inch and identify the odor or chemical. She could not.

I advised of each and every cleaning chemical I have used in the last few days. And where. I showed her my cleaning supplies and we inspected every container to ensure there are no leaks. She could not find anything.

I advised her she may inspect my home any hour of the day any day at any time.

I also told her that she might consider continuing to work the problem to see if she might find out what is causing the situation.

She thought I was being disingenuous, I think.

I am not.

I think something else is afoot here, like maybe she is trying to get a reduced rent or something.

Or perhaps because of her potpourri home she cannot determine where odors in her own home might be coming from.

Also, before she moved in years ago there had been a fire in her place. I'm wondering if whatever solutions they had for that might be giving way with time. In other words, that the old fire damage that was dealt with thoroughly before might be cropping up somehow.

What strong chemicals might she be facing? I used a tad of Windex on my piano.

I told her tonight I am polishing silver and conditioning our leather furniture. But that's now, not earlier.

Like I say, she could not route out any strong chemicals when she inspected my home.

What's up with this?

Thoughts?

I think she's being hyper sensitive to everything around her.

It's possible. It also seems that when she has time to process things--or perhaps check with others like I get feedback from you guys--that she settles down.

So, she came to me tonight. I assured her that I am being honest and that she and I will work the problem together anytime and that I am not being defensive, etc.

Seems this situation this early morning may have had to do with her new dishwasher and perhaps an item falling to the bottom of it and a burning-like hose or something. She will be checking out that option.

So, I think the thing that really has been bothering me about all this, is first of all, I didn't want to change my habits, but now I like all the benefits of smoking outside.

But also, just the way she and he were acting. It even seemed that she might be trying to turn the whole street against us.

At any rate, I think she and I are now on the same page and will continue to work any future issues out together.

I did suggest that due to her child's health, that the fire department or health department might be willing to get give an inspection with their opinion, if it comes to that.

So, just a lot of angst that needed to be addressed, I think, and I hope we are all going to be better off over here.

Good. Personally, I think you've been way over accommodating, but as I say, that's a personal opinion.

I am posting this from a screen shelter on 20 blissful people-free acres in the woods.

Why?

Neighbor's kid insists on conversation before I am lucid with coffee and smoke. She will not be disuaded from determined engagement despite my best efforts.

So I went to backyard haven and same neighbor with other child were doing some intermittent loud pounding on fence. Not even rhymic, so one would know when the next jolt would come.

So, I opened two doors and smoked inside with much-needed coffee. Later another kid called to me from front porch gate. I ignored him, because he could not see me. So, he comes through gate and walks right into my living room. He just wanted to talk. I was busy researching grad school programs.

Kids are out from school now. And will be out again over summer.

I'm not a misanthrop.

And I'm 20 years too young to play Mr. Wilson to neighbor's angelic Dennis the Menace.

But this little neighbor kid is REAL needy.

Ideas?

I'm thinking of telling neighbor that I will be treating porch daily for fleas and that might not be good for athsma.

Personally, I think you have been way to accommodating from the get go. Maybe if you had gotten all aggressive from the beginning, they might all be happily minding their own business. The more some people get, the more they try to take.

How do you get the files to chew the nicotine gum?