Mon 19 Sep, 2016 07:15 am
I will try to explain myself as simple as possible here.
We are in our mid-late 20's we have been together for about 4 years married 1.
He hasn't WANT sex for over a year or so. He has not initiated. We have sex because of me. I've initiated to the point where I have forced him to. he doesn't want to more than half the time and a big fight breaks out. I know it isn't correct to pressure someone to. I'm not posting this to be judged. I just want to know how crazy or unhealthy our relationship is. I pressure him only because i know it has been a while so i insist, well once were started its wonderful.
We love each other we are best friends. I even moved to his country for him.
We argue about normal things except one often: sex.
It has become a nightmare for me and I am very emotionally messed up, insecure, and depressed. I even asked if he was gay out of anger. I know he isn't cheating, it can't be porn I'm with him too much for it to be that ...and even if it is its not to the point for him not to want to have sex with me.
When we met the first year it was all lust. He was the one who made me feel addicted towards him sexually. Showed me new things in bed, he was ultra enthusiastic. he would see me and go crazy about me. very expressive and straightforward literally no one in my past wanted me sexually as much as him.
When we were apart he would sext me, he was crazy about me send me pics, everything. We would brag about how good and important our sex was and loved this about our relationship. It was one of the foundations that brought us so close in the first year and half of us together.
We have a lot of things in common and to top it off we were crazy about each other.
Now(since a year or so ) he is a different person sexually. down to nothing. and it gets worse. Its tearing us apart. I know he loves me and wants to be with me, but at times I doubt it. It came to the point where he just says no and I insist or beg and he rolls his eyes and i feel like he hates me. or we break out fighting badly verbally abusive and crying yelling...
On the other hand, during 'it' obviously its good mutually. The minute we begin kissing it is great and his mood after is even better afterwards. After we are a happier couple naturally.
So why is he doing this to us? how wrong am I? how unhealthy is this relationship? he knows I'm depressed he knows that this triggers it. i feel insecure and ugly and pathetic waiting, having to take off lingers awkwardly because he rejected me bluntly. (my weight hasn't changed, physically I'm the same) What is wrong here?
His side is that we spend too much time together, that he doesn't miss me, that we spend the day together...sometimes if the fight escalates he says hurtful things like I'm not even pretending i don't want it. And he's said don't you get the hints...i don't want to just not in the mood.
of course i get the hints I'm an emotional person i get everything, but I'm in denial every single time. Why can't he make a conscious effort to make me happy when it comes to this. Why can't he just do it so we can move on happily instead of stressing about it every freaking time. if he would just try in the slightest way once in a blue i would back off much more and not feel insane.
The point is I'm becoming depressed his solution is for me to leave to my home country, which i'd do and have done for a vacation, but not to stay.
Do I need to be that far to be wanted?
Any input please and thank you!!
Get him in for a physical and at least eliminate that as a cause. Don't frame it in terms of your sex life; frame it in terms of his health.
Couples therapy is also a possibility....
I can also recommend The Great American Sex Diet.
His side is that we spend too much time together, that he doesn't miss me, that we spend the day together."
Yes - you may be suffocating him by spending too much time together.
LISTEN to him! Give him some space. Get a hobby or some friends to hang out with.
It has been shown that a healthy sex life in old age is good for your health. If you want to live long.....
He doesn’t love you anymore. I know because I’ve displayed some of your husbands characteristics in the past for almost 2 years in the relationship with my ex. At the time I just don’t have the balls to say it to her face that everything she does irritates me until I decided that it’s much more cruel to spend her time with me thinking that i still want her. It’s selfishness on my part. ANd then I told her. Yes, I’ve seen her suffer for a almost half a year but right now she’s happily married and I’m happily single. Sometimes a bit of discomfort in the beginning can save a whole lot of pain down the road. I suggest you brace yourself of what’s to come. Or initiate it.