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Can someone please check my grammar?

 
 
bbynes
 
Reply Thu 26 May, 2016 06:32 pm
My grammar is absolutely terrible. Could someone please review this for me?

"Every month an athlete is selected for ‘Zico Coconut Water Athlete of the Month’ honors. We believe that Hunter Livingston best exemplifies what Bommarito Performance Systems is all about! Dedication, hard work, and commitment to the program.
After his senior season of football at Tarvella High School, where he was named First Team All-County, Hunter wanted to prepare himself for his freshman season at Florida Tech and has been consistently coming in and giving his all each session. His work ethic and attention to detail speaks for itself as he made improvements across the board! We are proud to have him as a representative of the BPS Family!"
 
View best answer, chosen by bbynes
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2016 06:43 pm
@bbynes,
Your grammar is fine, BB

Just one thing: Not sure how Hunter comes in
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2016 06:51 pm
@dalehileman,
Why thank you BB
0 Replies
 
Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 06:45 am
Sure sounds like the sun shines out of this guy's ass.
timur
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 08:44 am
@bbynes,
bbynes wrote:
His work ethic and attention to detail speaks for itself...

Out of pure curiosity, what do you think, fellow grammarians, of the quoted sentence?
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 10:49 am
@timur,
Quote:
the quoted sentence
Forgive me Tim but which one
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 10:50 am
@Tes yeux noirs,
Quote:
this guy's ass
Forgive me Tes but which one
Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 11:41 am
@dalehileman,
How many asses can a man have?
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 01:32 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,
No no Tes, sorry, it's
which guy not which ass
Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 03:04 pm
@dalehileman,
The Coconut Water Athlete Of The Month
InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 03:48 pm
@timur,
timur wrote:

bbynes wrote:
His work ethic and attention to detail speaks for itself...

Out of pure curiosity, what do you think, fellow grammarians, of the quoted sentence?


Good catch. It can be better written, "his work ethic and attention to detail speak for themselves."
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2016 03:50 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,
Quote:
Coconut Water Athlete
Actually the effect of the oil is much more pronounced, might require mutiple asses
0 Replies
 
timur
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2016 05:44 am
@InfraBlue,
InfraBlue wrote:

timur wrote:

bbynes wrote:
His work ethic and attention to detail speaks for itself...

Out of pure curiosity, what do you think, fellow grammarians, of the quoted sentence?


Good catch. It can be better written, "his work ethic and attention to detail speak for themselves."

Thank you, Infrablue.

I just wanted the confirmation that A2K is not yet overwhelmed by some superficial, chaotic knowledge of people that would be better enjoying their garden.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
  Selected Answer
 
  3  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2016 11:37 am
@bbynes,
bbynes wrote:

We believe that Hunter Livingston best exemplifies what Bommarito Performance Systems is all about! Dedication, hard work, and commitment to the program.


In this form of writing, ( I assume it's for a brochure or a prospectus of some sort, ) I would avoid using the exclamation mark.

Going with the rule that a sentence makes sense on its own I would change the punctuation. "Dedication, hard work, and commitment to the program." is not a sentence in its own right because it doesn't make sense on its own. I'd write it like this.


We believe that Hunter Livingston best exemplifies what Bommarito Performance Systems is all about; dedication, hard work, and commitment to the program.
Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2016 02:45 pm
@izzythepush,
Suggest a full colon after 'about', since a list is being introduced.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2016 03:14 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,
I agree with Tes on this one.
0 Replies
 
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