Please get professional help today.
Discuss your situation with your parents or a trusted adult.
tell your crush or a boyfriend. They're too young and/or inexperienced and that sort discussion can be way beyond most young person's ability to help. Besides, that would be manipulative and counter-productive as it would probably send that crush running for the hills.
You're not thinking and feeling clearly or in a way that is safe. Teen-aged emotions and issues can be and are
overwhelming to many. You're not alone.
There is no such thing as self-harm without pain. You are calling attention to others to the fact that you're suffering... which is an indication you need professional help.
Posting such comments here online to strangers is not going to get you the kind of help you really need with your pain. You have our attention but now get help in the real world.