These are actual clippings from church newspapers.

These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
> little proof-reading would prevent:
>
> Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary
> Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way
> from Africa.
>
> Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
> Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
> includes meals."
>
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>
> Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
> pleasure to the congregation.
>
> "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
> things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
>
> Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your
> own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
>
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> conflict.
>
> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
> "Searching for Jesus."
>
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
> they can get.
>
> Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
> transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
> Pastor Jack's sermons.
>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing
> "Break Forth into Joy."
>
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone
> who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
you.
>
> Don't let worry kill you-let the Church help.
>
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So
> ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
> new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning
to
> join the choir.
>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
> downstairs.
>
> Please place you donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person(s)
> you want remembered.
>
> Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
> gracious hostility.
>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
> seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> This evening at 7 P.M. there will be hymn sing in the park across from the
> Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
> invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend
> him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back
door.
>
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's's Hamlet in the Church
> basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
> use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> Mrs.. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
> last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours."