Woman I've dated twice is confusing me

Reply Sun 22 Nov, 2015 04:25 am
Hi I'm 26 yr old fairly new to lesbian dating. A little background on me.... I was in an 8 yr relationship with a guy, realised I was gay and met a woman who was bi sexual by chance and I fell in love with her. Unfortunately she emotionally abused me to the worst degree and it completely broke me up as a person. That finally all ended earlier this year and since then I've had counselling for ptsd after all her abuse..blahdeedah it's fine I'm over her now but I do still think I am vulnerable at times because I put up with a lot of bad behaviour which became normal for me. When I started to feel better and back to me again I did some online dating and I really enjoyed talking to people and getting used to the online dating scene which is a place I had never visited before. It was really helpful as part of my journey to better relationship function to see how normal people talk to each other! So there were two women in particular I got quite chatty with. for sale of reference I will call them K and T. So I really liked T we had so much in common and I was attracted to her. K was more forwards and in a way she chased me a lot but I let her do it because I did like her and was keen to meet her too to see if there was any chemistry but I can't lie I was initially more interested in T. So K went a bit quiet on me and I wasn't bothered, me and T arranged a date. At this point everything was going how it should be, texting lots, I felt excited when my phone buzzed and she told me she was nervous of meeting me and that she thought I was rally pretty etc etc. I felt positive about it. We met and it was quite nerve wracking but the date went really well in my mind, we had loads to talk about, we laughed a lot. I'm not the best at picking up signals but I could tell she liked me/was attracted to me. I explained on my date with her that in three days I was going away with work for two weeks (I'm a nanny) we both said what a shame that was as date went well but agreed to stay in touch and meet up when I come home. After the date she messaged to say hope o got to my car safely and now home etc, she wasI she felt she would have been tempted to give me a kiss had she have walked me to my car! I thought that was sweet and I had butterflies (I know pathetic aren't I!) so I assumed it was a big thumbs up. I told her a kiss would have been great so she knew I was interest too. So in Spain we started off messaging each other everyday and it kept me excited about meeting her. After a few days though she went very quiet on me. She would take sometimes a whole day and night to reply to my messages. I was disappointed but I went with it and backed off (the first hint of rejection and I have huge self-preservation) so it went like this and I just assumed she had met someone else but still politely continued the messages back and forth even though she would take ages to reply and sometimes they were short with no questions! Randomly K messaged me and I had another week to pass on this working holiday. We got quiet frequent but as I said before she was very forward with me and did most of the work. she was very sweet and kind when talking to me so I thought I would give this girl my best shot. During my last week we arranged to meet on my return home. The day before I was due to fly home T messaged me asking if I had enjoyed my week and if I was looking forwards to coming home! I was shocked to hear from her again after such an absence. I kept putting off replying to this as now I felt guilty with all of K's hopefulness at meeting me. I felt slightly annoyed with T and just thought you snooze you loose (I was secretly kicking myself though cos I really liked T) I got home and the next morning I had another message from T asking if I had arrived he safe, followed by another text stating that she was worried she hadn't heard from me. At this point I really didn't know what to do. I felt bad on K to pick up with T when I fact T had been pretty lousy! So I made an excuse with T saying that it had been lovely speaking with her and I had been looking forwards to a second date but also that I felt I needed to be single and work on my life for a few more months. She understood and said perhaps she needed to do the same and we agreed to stay in touch but we didn't. I met K and she was in fact lovely but quite neurotic! Looking back now if I simply wasn't feeling it I should have called it off but there was no reason why I shouldn't like her. On paper she was an ideal GF but something didn't feel right. We dated/started seeing each other and this lasted about two months. She became quite needy and clingy with me and I started to feel anxious like I couldn't breathe. I desperately tried analysing this as I didn't want it to fail, but after a short time of this desperate behaviour from her I just knew that for whatever reason it wasn't going to work out so I called it a day. I let awful she was quite upset but it's done now and I can't go back. After a few weeks I plucked up some courage and messaged T asking how she was doing, all very friendly and I was curious to see what she was up to to clear my mind on her inconsistency. I was sure I would be told by her that she was now hooked up with someone and that it would explain her on off chat with me. She was pleased to hear from me and said it was funny because she was going to message me this week. So I was armed with lots of self-preservation and I initiated nothing. We just kind of caught up over messaging and that was that. This is very out of character of me but I put myself out there and asked if she fancied doing a drink again sometime. She was keen but said she was v busy this week. So I left the ball in her court and about a week later she asked when I might be free for a drink. I replied with two available evenings but to my surprise I heard nothing back!!! At this point I just thought yep she's obv got something going on and I tried to forget about it. Another week passed and I had a message from her saying she was so sorry she hadn't got back to me she had been super busy at work and had a crazy week with something unexpected at work etc. she also has tow young kids so in my mind I justified it and my interest perked back up. She asked when I was free for a drink next week. I was properly cagey by this point and thought I had nearly reached my limit. I said thur Eve I was free. So it was all on again. I was looking forwards to the drink but on the Thursday afternoon she messaged to say she was so so sorry but her youngest one (3 yr old) had come home sick from her dads and that she couldn't leave her with sitter tonight. She was quite apologetic and stated that if I wasn't too fed up with her at this point could we re schedule for Friday or Saturday. I suppose because of the excuse and her apologise my limit was stretched and I agreed on Friday. All was looking positive. We finally met up on the Friday night and we had some drinks and then food in a restaurant close to my house. Once again it went really well and we laughed a lot and I had positive vibes that she liked me etc. she insisted to pay for the food to make it up to me for cancelling which I thought was sweet. We went back to my place for a coffee after the meal and I showed her my new place as I had recently moved in. We sat and chatted for about 20 mins. Had I not had all the inconsistency perhaps I would have given her some stronger signals to make a move but like i said I have this self-preservation going on..I've been hurt badly in the past and I don't detest the fact I am like this! I hoped she would attempt to break down this wall that she in a way had created but she swiftly left with no kiss or anything and just a hug that I initiated! After she left I messaged to say I had a great time but that I was disappointed that didn't get that kiss! Her response was that she felt she couldn't quite read me and wasn't sure I wanted it or not. I said definitely yes but that I felt a bit nervous. The next day I heard nothing so I text first asking if she had a good day. Messages followed from there until the evening (last night) by this point I had a few drinks at the bar with some friends. She told me she was watching something on the TV and that her lodger had fallen asleep on sofa, and I joked that I hated that show and she could have done with some company tonight (you know just doing some work/giving her the opportunity to say she would have wanted me there) she said company would have been good tonight so I followed it up saying that I would have put up with watching it tonight if it meant I could be sitting with her. It was nearly midnight when I sent this and I have since had no reply! I am now at my limit! I have put myself out there which was dating of me and like I said not my style usually but I liked her and kept telling myself to give it/her a chance. I assume I will hear back though but it will probably be later today or tomorrow as per! I am confused now and just think I should knock it on the head?! Sorry that's a very long question but wanted to be precise with this one so I might get some answers based on the ins and outs of it all as I have had advice from friend who don't really know the whole picture saying 'oh give her a chance, she has kids and it super busy' whilst my brother has said 'don't waste your time on her she clearly has no time for you' soo I am in complete two minds to just nip it in the bud or hold in there and wait for her to do some work! Help please...I think I really like her and I don't want to get hurt. Any opinions would be really great xxx
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