I am living in a friggin' nightmare!

I woke up one morning with George W. Bush's face. I nearly committed suicide but then I realized I could take his place and change the world! I was prepared to end the war, give free health care, reduce the size of government, promote stem call research and give my blessing to gay marraige. But the minute I stepped outside an angry mob smashed me repeatedly in the face. Now I'm back to normal. Damn!

*Laughs out loud at everything*

Ernie was lying, though.

Maybe you'll change back to W if you stay here long enough, Nick. The problem is, you could just change to John Ashford, and that would be way too traumatic.

Ernie, if that's his real name, is about to be kicked out. He's planning a crystal meth party and I'm the one who's nasty and 'dual'?

I knew he was a drug-addict, what with his singing chansons to rubber ducks. I'd watch out, though, Cav. You never know what his friends might do henceforth to get their 'growing ground' back.

Well, as soon as I find my costume and sign, and shotgun, if they do come around, they'll get the message. As they say in Britain, what do you do when you see a bleeding scouser crawling up your lawn? Laugh and shoot him again.

I'm becoming concerned about Gus! Where is he? You don't suppose he actually went ahead with his pitchfork plan, do you?

I'm concerned about both gus and o'bill. I can't change my avatar until they pipe in.

Wanna trade?

! Poor Scousers, though. They did nothing wrong apart from a robbery or fifty, and a tendency to say 'ca'm down, mate' every second.

You and Suzy could try to mutate, I guess. And you're right; Gus has not talked all day. Perhaps we should venture down to the swamp to see whether he's there.

Nah, Bert might be ugly, but you fugly.

Cav; that's incredibly un-PC. The man-thing avatar is not 'fugly' but 'fugizontally-challenged.' Thank you.

Hmmpph!
Cav, you big meanie!
Drom, um... thanks?

This whole thing is driving me crazy. Wearing this damn hideous face of Bill's all day is turning me into a monster. I am compelled to do things I have never done before. I was walking through town about an hour ago (people still throwing things at me and calling me hateful names) and I glanced into a window of a sporting goods store and saw one of those grotesque cheesehead things. I actually went into the store and bought it!

Seventeen dollars for a piece of friggin plastic! How stupid are these people? And now.... I'm turning into one of them!

The face is doing it to me! Arrrrrrrrgh!

As my arm slowly raised to put the cheese on my head, my other arm grabbed it and forced it back. It threw the cheesehead into the street where a passing truck demolished it. Thank God there's still a good amount of Ratzenhofer in me.

But still, the forces of Bill and his revolting, evil face are strong. I found myself attaching a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker to my tractor and now I am finding myself attracted to men.

When will this friggin' nightmare end?

Something must needs be done, and quickly, otherwise you are a lost cause. Not to mention, the object of Kicky's affection.

Any time! I like to uphold standards ;D.

Yes, you are correct, my apologies to the frightening reincarnation of Suzy.

However, nothing is more offensive to me than identity theft, gustav.

Kicky doesn't seem so bad anymore. He....he.... he's almost good-looking.


OH GOD!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! PLEASE!!!!

Tell that to Bert.

hahahaha!
Actually, Gus, you're lookin kinda hot
But then, you always were a babe!