Cohabitation

So, are you male or female?

You're gonna find nothing but godless heathens here honey, not the answer you want to hear.

What matters is what you and your boyfriend want.

If you believe in God and want to live as you think the Bible suggests, then you need to consider why you are living with your boyfriend.

If your boyfriend has other beliefs, then you also need to reflect on why you are with him.

You need to do what is right for you. If you truly have strong faith and believe this is wrong then you should move out. It is a personal decision you need to make for yourself.

As far as making things right...would you feel comfortable talking with your minister? From the sounds of it you sound Christian and most Christians believe all you need is to ask for forgiveness of your sins, however, you are supposed to try to really stop your sins. Your minister should be able to guide you much better than me.

My thoughts your boyfriend is being honest with you. He is not ready to get married. He us happy with the way things are. If you are not, then your only option is to move out. You have no idea how long it will .. if ever.. for him to be ready.

You really need to sit and think out what is more important to you...and resolve what your faith is.

Let's be honest here. If you move out, you are almost certainly saying goodbye forever to this relationship (at least that is how most relationships work). Your idea that you can move out until he is ready to marry is just not realistic, people don't work that way.

You want to live a biblical life, that is your decision. You don't have the right to decide how your boyfriend lives his life. If you and your boyfriend aren't in the same place. Part ways respectfully, there are plenty of relationships that don't work out because two people aren't in the same place in life. No big deal.

It sounds to me like you might need to make a decision. You can have this relationship, or you can have this idea of living a biblical life. What do you choose?

Not necessarily. It depends on the couple. If he really loves her, he may respect her faith. He may still not be ready for martiage, but it sounds like he comes from the same background, but just OK with breaking a few rules. I know lots of such people.

You two need to talk it out and decide what is best for both of yoy. If you don't feel what you are doing is right, you are not going to be happy.

Do you Really think a marriage license and a ceremony matter to the creator of this universe?

If you believe this guy is serious about you as his partner, just consider yourself married in the eyes of God and conduct yourself appropriately. If it becomes obvious that he does not consider you to be his partner, you'll know what to do.

As far as theology and God go, you're both married already. Scripturally, there's no ceremonial requirement and marriage is solemnized in one or all of three ways: sex, giving of a low value coin (has come to be a ring, but Scripturally it's a token value coin,) and writing of a marriage contract.

"Mishnah Kiddushin 1:1 specifies that a woman is acquired (i.e., to be a wife) in three ways: through money, a contract, and sexual intercourse. Ordinarily, all three of these conditions are satisfied, although only one is necessary to effect a binding marriage."
http://www.jewfaq.org/marriage.htm

Though you may not be Jewish, if your concern is what God thinks, might wanna go with God's rules.

The rub is that when things are solemnized with sex, if you 'break up' and have sex with others, it's then adultery. The Scriptural process of divorce isn't as easy to do as getting married in the eyes of God.

If you BOTH "love the lord," then he knows that your living situation goes against the teaching that sex is for after marriage. You know that too.

You BOTH chose to move in together and now you want to make it "right" by insisting on getting married. Still, he balks at marriage.

Knowing how you feel and his religious commitment, he has lived with you and had sex with you and he STILL won't marry you? That ought to give a clue about what he thinks. -

If this bothers you so much, then move out. I doubt if he will come running after you. He has already had his fill about what marriage would be with you - and he's not willing to commit to that.

Honestly, all that matters is what you care about more: your boyfriend or your personal morality. If you do what your boyfriend wants, you risk disobeying your own moral standards. If you decide you want to live a moral life and not "commit sins together" anymore as you put it, you risk losing your boyfriend. Which matters more?

In this case, before you consider yourself "married in the eyes of God," consider that the God of the bible takes marriage vows so seriously that divorce is only permitted in a small number of circumstances. The piece of paper and the ceremony are designed as a means to officially commit to someone more or less for the rest of your life in the eyes of God. If you say you're basically married, consistent morality limits your options if you want to break it off.

The great thing about personal morality is that you can change it when it isn't working for you.

If I am given the choice between being moral, or being happy, I choose happy. Fortunately, by changing my moral standards I have been able to have both.

What I'm saying is:
The piece of paper doesn't change anything in the eyes of God for either marriage or divorce.

It isn't God's choice.

If the boyfriend wants a normal adult relationship without the pressure of getting married, there isn't much that God can do about it. If the two people involved can agree on a relationship that they both find meaningful (God or no God) then they should stay together. Otherwise they should break up and hope to find someone with whom they are more compatible.

This story is about two people-- one of whom has to decide if she wants to break up with her boyfriend or not.

God has nothing to do with this.

I disagree. The God of the bible designed marriage not only as a personal commitment to another person but as a public commitment to them as well. You're telling your community that you are bound together. The piece of paper and ceremony are part of God's desire that two people commit to each other for life. If you make no public marriage commitment, you aren't held accountable if you decide to break it off. Do you believe any couple who is dating/living together should be subject to divorce proceedings if they break up?

Who cares what the god of the Bible thinks?

The only thing that matters in a relationship is what the two people involved think. There isn't much god can do about it if two people just ignore Him, and it isn't His business anyway.

If one person in a relationship wants to follow what he or she believes some god wants, that is her business... but she is responsible for what she does in the relationship. It is her decision, not God's. And if the other person doesn't want god butting in their relationship, he has the right to say so.

What god thinks has nothing to do with it. Two people have to make a relationship that is meaningful to them... whether that relationship includes marriage or not.

Sorry I just assumed the God of the bible mattered to the individual who started this conversation. That's where I'm operating from since that's what THEY said. It seems like you're imposing your own morality here instead of considering how they could best be consistent about theirs.

What I understand from the original poster is that she wants to follow her understanding of what God wants her to do, and that her boyfriend doesn't. Since what her understanding of God's will is abstinence of sex followed by marriage, this is a big deal (as it would be to pretty much any adult).

If she isn't willing to compromise on her desire to follow her religion, then she has to accept the consequences. She will probably lose this relationship.

My point is that if she makes this decision though... she should take responsibility for her own actions. She made the decision based on her own beliefs and desires (God really had nothing to do with it).

I do not think there is any place in the bible where it said that you have to have a special ceremony to be married. You are man and wife when you leave your father and mother and become one flesh

If you live together as married everything is on paper in case of a divorce or a death.
I you live together without being married you better see to that you have arranged all the necessary papers in case of one of you wants to move out or in case of death.

I would agree with that, though it would probably be very important to have that conversation. "So, since we're living together I am assuming we're married ok?" Not sure how that would go down with most people lol