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Tue 29 Jun, 2004 03:52 pm
Hi,
This is my first poem ... i need your comments about it so please do ...
A body without soul
Thats what i feel
A heart without beats
Thats what i feel
A life without air
Thats what i feel
A day without light
Thats what i feel
Since you went away
Since you fade away
Thats what i felt
When you were away ........
hope you like it ...
Hello, it's not too shabby! Original poems go in the original writing forum though, so remember that for next time. Keep it up!!
Thats what i felt
Very neat!
I do suggest one thing: keeping the tense consistent when saying what the other person did, i.e. "faded", not "fade".
Keep on writing.
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