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What Should I Do?

 
 
Reply Sat 1 Nov, 2014 07:39 pm
I met this girl in class about 2 months ago. We always talk in class and I eventually got her number. We occasionally text (I always have to start), and recently we just got something to eat together. It wasn't a date, just hanging out and we just got to know each other a bit more. BUT, two or three times she mentioned her current view on relationships and how she isn't looking for one. I didn't ask her out, or say we should date, it sort of just came out as we were talking. She didn't say it directly to me, it was sort of just a general statement. I can't tell if this is her subtle way of telling me that I shouldn't be trying to start one with her, or just her telling me what her view is in the present. Should I see if I could become "the one" to change her stance on relationships or should I get over it?
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 1 Nov, 2014 08:06 pm
@rangers23,
There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not want a relationship. Maybe she just got out of one. Maybe she thinks taking it to the next level will ruin your friendship. Maybe she doesn't go for your gender. Maybe she doesn't like you that way.

Or it's something else.

Without giving her the third degree, probably the main thing is to assure that it's not that there's no chance whatsoever. E. g. if she's a lesbian, and you're a guy (can't tell from your post), then you're most likely SOL and you'll just have to deal. If it's not like that, then for God's sake don't pressure her (we see a lot of guys here in similar situations, and a lot of them can get pretty heavy-handed). Be kind. Be friendly. Listen to what she's saying.

You might end up saying something like this to her, "I know you don't want to date anyone right now, and I respect that. But when you're ready, I hope you'll give me a chance to change your mind."

Don't persist if you say something like that. It's said, it's on the table, and it doesn't need to be reiterated or repeated.

In the meantime, live your life. Don't pine, don't wait, don't put things on hold. Be friendly to all sorts of people – including other women. Date a few if it comes to that. Not to get her jealous, but to live your life. If she wants to become a part of the good time that your life is, then it'll happen. If not, then maybe you'll be with someone who's better suited to you, and you won't feel like you wasted your time for nothing.
rangers23
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Nov, 2014 08:14 pm
@jespah,
This is was really good advice, and not to sound like a know-it-all, my approach was going to be similar to what you suggest. I am in fact a guy and she told me the reasons why she isn't currently looking to be in a relationship. Anyways, thanks for your input jespah, it will go a long way with my situation.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 09:06 am
@rangers23,
Oh, good. Now be awesome!!
0 Replies
 
rangers23
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 11:17 pm
Anyone else have any helpful opinions on my situation? Any different perspective is always useful!
imimpatientforanswer
 
  0  
Reply Sun 9 Nov, 2014 06:20 pm
@rangers23,
You Either Feel You Can Dominate her Or you Dont. Cant Then Walk Away.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Dec, 2014 09:52 am
@rangers23,
Is this the girl you're now planning to cut contact with?

If so, you don't need to tell her why you're no longer going to be in contact.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Sat 13 Dec, 2014 02:46 pm
What are the REASONS she doesn't want to be in a "relationship."

Maybe she was waiting for you to say, "Wow, I would have never done that."

You left out some vital information, here, buddy.
0 Replies
 
 

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