URGENT!!!

Hello everyone. I am sorry about the "urgent" sign, but this is something I have to finish due tomorrow.
This is an essay that I got back from my teacher few days ago. I got a B on it, but she never explained why.
I would really appreciate it if someone could help me understand what I am doing wrong.
Thank you.

ESPERANZA'S WRITING
Speaking of Esperanza’s writing abilities, it is obvious that the author makes her a less capable writer to emphasize her lack of education and bilingual ability she inherited from her parents. However, this does not mean that the reader should underestimate the meaning and deep thoughts that can be found in the sentences of the young girl. Esperanza makes many obvious writing and grammatical errors, but that also emphasizes her young age and gives the reader the opportunity to meet her character as a child, for whom it is normal to have a simple vocabulary that consists of a few overly repeated words and a modest sentence structure. The most visible writing flaw is definitely the lack of quotation marks that doesn’t indicate a conversation between the characters, as it is found in the line “Where do you live? she asked” (5). This writing error is followed by inappropriate use of adjectives instead of adverbs, as it can be seen in the line “Runs the same way his owner does, clumsy and wild” (21). The sentence “If you give me five dollars I will be your friend forever” (14) is an example of the lack of punctuation, while a sentence fragment appears in “Since she is too beautiful to look at” (79). The line “Yes that’s Mexico all right” (18) is clearly an example of a run-on sentence.

Through the entire novel, the elements of poetic writing are constant. Sentences are full of imagery, metaphors and word games. Esperanza's natural, clear and simple language induces this effect. By listening to her phrases, one can tell that they sound as if they were written as verses in a song. This can be noticed in the chapter entitled “Meme Ortiz” in which she uses personification that is visible in the line "Our house with its feet tucked under like a cat” (22). The sentence from the same chapter saying “The dog is big, like a man dressed in a dog suit” (22) is embellished with simile, whereas metaphor appears in “All lopsided and jutting like crooked teeth” (22). However, such elements are present in the most selections. The best examples of poetic elements and diction can be found in the lines “There was a family. All were little. Their arms were little, and their hands were little, and their height was not tall, and their feet very small” (17) and in the line “Only a house quiet as snow, a space for myself to go, clean as paper before the poem” (43). The first line is marked with repeating words and rhymes, which are usually the elements of children’s songs. Despite that, it carries Esperanza’s deep emotions of longing for being loved, for being a part of a family. A real family, in which everyone are alike, not only in a physical sense - having small feet or tall height, but also in terms of togetherness and mutual understanding. The second line is rich with many different literary elements - from personification to metaphor. They form together beautifully and express Esperanza’s strong hope and faith in finding her way out of the poverty and loneliness through education and writing. But that line doesn’t only represent Esperanza, it represents Sandra Cisneros herself. More than anything else, it represents the moment when Sandra realizes that writing is her path to happiness and the opportunity to use her gifts and leave a mark in the lives of others. And she did that in a way no one else could - brilliantly.