You've been putting up with this crap for 7 years? And now, oh boy, welcome to the tween years.
Please note, I am not a parent, but it sounds like this kid could use counseling. And, frankly, so could your boyfriend. His guilt at not being around is just spoiling the hell out of her. Spoiling a child isn't doing them any good; it just makes it that much harder for them to get on in the world. Further, you need a means of communicating your stress and displeasure (because I assume hinting, nagging, asking nicely, the silent treatment, or anything else you've tried has gotten you squat). Often the backing from an authority (like a family therapist) can be helpful, that he would see it's not just you saying this.
But also, talk. As in saying to him, "It really hurts me when I'm not invited to ____'s birthday party every year. I work hard to help you parent her, and I want to be able to enjoy the positive experiences, and not just be stuck with the negative ones all the time."