You gotta turn this thread into a speaking only thread. Writing these are no challenge but speaking and deciphering them is tough and it gives insights into the workings of the brain.
the tenter of ascension...
I've always leant to the oral spoonerisms - Ronnie Barker was king - you're too titty to be a preacher.
Miss crass: the season for the reason.
Bennett Cerf requotes this gentleman:
"My wife says I've had tee many martoonis, but I am not so much under the alfluence of incohol as some pinkle theep. I mean tinkle peep."