Your Thoughts on this, please

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We were going to have just 4 people over for New Year's dinner, then it "morphed" into 20 and my friend and another person came up with the menu - seafood chowder, salad, lobster tail and filet mignon, twice baked potato, veggie, dessert and coffee. BYBO for drinks. They decided that $25 per person would cover all costs for the food. My friend and I will do all the cooking and host the evening at his house.

Yesterday, I notified one couple I invited at the beginning of Dec. that it would now be $25 per person for the dinner. ( She knew that the dinner had grown to 20 people. )

She just called and said that she and her date were "caught off guard" and said they would not be coming. He has lots of money, she's able to party when she wants, so it's not the money.

Your thoughts, please. I can't believe that they can get a New Year's dinner for $25 per person so I'm wondering what happened.

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Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 1,731 • Replies: 23

@PUNKEY,

If you invited them when it was still free, it's conceivable that they could be annoyed.

1 Reply

@Brandon9000,

It's possible that happened.

Like I said, it "morphed" into a fancy dinner party, but certainly, she wouldn't think that one couple would foot the bill for a huge dinner party with that menu. (at least our group) She has been to our parties when we did serve burgers for everyone at no cost.

2 Replies

Here in England, if you invite people over for a meal you definitely DON'T charge them for it or it'd be considered a "very bad show indeed".. Wink

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@Romeo Fabulini,

Same in New Mexico.

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@PUNKEY,

Were they told to expect to pay for dinner when they were originally invited?

If not, I'd say it was reasonable to expect them to be pissed off.

If I thought I was being invited to a friend's home for a meal, I would NOT expect to pay for the meal.

Yeah. I'd be pissed off.

If I'm expected to pay for a meal (other than at a wedding where the $gift is really paying for my meal) I want input into that meal. I'm not a fan of the chef's table approach to dining out.

Doesn't matter if I'm paying $5 or $100, if I'm paying I'm choosing my menu.

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

She has been to our parties when we did serve burgers for everyone at no cost.

errr the normal thing is to not pay for meals at friends' homes.

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

They decided that $25 per person would cover all costs for the food. My friend and I will do all the cooking and host the evening at his house.

Yesterday, I notified one couple I invited at the beginning of Dec. that it would now be $25 per person for the dinner.

The standard is to serve what you can afford.

The alternative could be to host a potluck.

Developing a menu after inviting people for a meal and then expecting them to pay is tacky.

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@PUNKEY,

Did I hear you say you were coming down with the flu?

1 Reply

@neologist,

(No, I had a flu shot 2 weeks ago. )

This "kicking in" for the dinner was decided by one of the organizers. The cook is a professional and he specially ordered the filets and tails. All side dishes are even being provided. I have $50 invested in just the chowder myself.

None of us is in the position to pay for a meal like this for 20. Thus, the $25.

****, we just should have made sloppy joes and potato salad!

1 Reply

In for a penny, in for a pound.

If you were willing to pay for 4 guests, you have to be willing to pay for 20.

You should have thought about this before you let it morph.

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I see two issues.

First, they accepted an invitation to a small intimate gathering that morphed into a large dinner party. We would have cancelled on that fact alone. Some people simply prefer smaller events.

Second, the small intimate gathering that is no longer small or intimate now comes with an entry fee. Not at all what they'd originally accepted as an invite. It really doesn't matter if they can afford the fee or not, it's that fact that it was sprung on them at the last minute.

1 Reply

@JPB,

JPB wrote:

First, they accepted an invitation to a small intimate gathering that morphed into a large dinner party. We would have cancelled on that fact alone. Some people simply prefer smaller events.

True

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

It's possible that happened.

Like I said, it "morphed" into a fancy dinner party, but certainly, she wouldn't think that one couple would foot the bill for a huge dinner party with that menu. (at least our group) She has been to our parties when we did serve burgers for everyone at no cost.

Try and not be too cynical.

It's quite possible that they were first skeptical about going to a large fancy dinner and were more comfortable with going to something more casual and more intimate. Maybe they figure that they'd not know most of these extra 16 people and wouldn't be comfortable with them. So when they found out it was also going to cost them that extra burden was the deciding factor.

Maybe they discovered better New Year's Eve plans? ((shrugs))

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@Romeo Fabulini,

Romeo Fabulini wrote:

Here in England, if you invite people over for a meal you definitely DON'T charge them for it or it'd be considered a "very bad show indeed"..

Ditto this.

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@PUNKEY,

Quote:

We were going to have just 4 people over for New Year's dinner, then it "morphed" into 20 and my friend and another person came up with the menu - seafood chowder, salad, lobster tail and filet mignon, twice baked potato, veggie, dessert and coffee. BYBO for drinks. They decided that $25 per person would cover all costs for the food. My friend and I will do all the cooking and host the evening at his house.

Question:
What are you going to do if another couple or two flakes out tonight and not show up? Charge extra to the guests who show up to recover the costs?

Either way, you and your friend are really Martha Stewartesque ambitious. I hope you a successful and fun New Year's Eve party.

3 Replies

@tsarstepan,

Actually, this is quite common in our lakes area social scene. Someone will have a clam bake or cook ribs for a large group, with everyone pitching in some $$, bringing a dish to pass, plus their own booze. Happens all the time here.

I think her comment that they were "taken off guard" tells me that she was more upset about being asked to chip in on the cost of the lobster and filet per person than anything else when I called her to tell her the time.

I honor her decision and don't have any feelings about it one way or another.

END OF THREAD ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

I think the limit for asking guest to pay for the party is to BYOB, which according to Punkey, had already been done.

That's understandable, as alcohol is expensive, some will choose to drink more than others, their tastes are different, etc.

When I go to dinner at someone's home, I bring a host/hostess gift, preferably something that will be enjoyed by all during the dinner, not necessarily food. I generally bring a small desert type thing (secondary to what may be served), a wine I know the host enjoys, flowers, nuts, cheese, etc.

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@PUNKEY,

So, you didn't like the thoughts of the people here, so announce the thread is closed?

Why did you bother to ask?

0 Replies

@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

****, we just should have made sloppy joes and potato salad!

and left it at 4 people

1 Reply

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