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Tue 8 Oct, 2013 03:59 am
I am internet dating and looking for some help on a specific problem.
I have been on three dates in the last week. On the first, we had little in common and no chemistry. Fair enough. That's how it is most of the time with internet dating.
The second was the best date of my life. I've never enjoyed chat on a first date so much. I thought we gelled and had a lot in common. I understood that she liked me by staying out as late as she could (i.e. until last tube (London, UK)) and her body language was all good; she was leaning towards me as she spoke, legs directed towards me, touching a little, hand gestures were towards me, etc. I've never been surer that there would be a second date and I really wanted one. After we exchanged some texts but she didn't want to see me again.
I would put this down as an anomaly, if it weren't for the third date. The third date was two days ago. I knew she wasn't going to be the woman of my life but we got on well and there was chemistry. The date lasted six hours. We kissed a lot. After the date, she didn't respond to my messages at all.
It seems something specific seems is going wrong. I got along with these two girls, there was attraction, everything seemed good, but neither wanted to see me again. Whatever I did wrong needs correctly asap, but I don't know what this is. Any thoughts anyone?
Info: I'm 34 years old, went to university and have a respectable job. My social scene isn't as good as it could be, but is okay. I have interests. The girls were younger than me, 26, 27 and 27. I'm okay looking; receding hairline and some wrinkling, but to be honest nothing that would expect to be a deal breaker. I suppose my main problem in life is lack of social contact. I work alone and live alone and so sometimes go for days with very little talking. As a result I'm perhaps not especially witty or charismatic. Given that I got on with the latter two girls though, I can't quite see why this is the problem. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
You don't say what the content of your text messages was (and i'm not asking for a rehearsal of the messages). It's entirely possible that they both thought you were coming on too strongly. Only you can decide that. Review your messages to them, and give them fair consideration as objectively as you are able to do.
@Setanta,
Hi Setanta, thanks for that. I've just read through the messages. With the second girl who I really liked, I think they were okay. I was perhaps a little assumptive; there was a bit of just chat and then I wrote that it was my turn to come up with an interested date (the first date night was her idea) and was she free on X. If she was interested, this wouldn't have been a problem.
With the third girl, after we kissed I was trying to get her to come back to mine. She took it in her stride. I'm sure she's used to attention. She declined. I think that it's okay to make the suggestion, but I suggested more than once and I shouldn't have; girls don't normally want to home with me after one date and I know that (I'd had a couple of drinks by this point). She could have taken away the impression that I was just interested in sleeping with her. If it weren't for the fact there were two consecutive dates with both girls behaving the same way after the dates, I would be sure it was that.
Maybe with the second girl it was just an anomaly and with the third girl it was because she thought I just wanted to sleep with her. However, I very firmly believe that if a girl and I have some kind of inherent compatibility (e.g. she's not way out of my league) and the girl doesn't want to see me again, it's my fault.
Your sample size is tiny. Try meeting more women as these may very well just be anomalies.
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