Do women worship money?

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My older brother committed suicide 5 months ago. I've been having a very hard time dealing with it. I'm having an even harder time dealing with the circumstances surrounding his death. His wife of 4 years left him 1 month before he took his life. She ran off with a wealthy man whom she had been cheating on my brother with. My brother worked in a job that didn't pay much, but he loved what he did. It gave him a sense of purpose and joy. He went to school and worked hard to get his job, but unfortunately it didn't pay very well. He had had trouble keeping up with his loan payments and life expenses. I knew his wife well; she would constantly put him down about his job. Often belittling him in front of others. Yet she never went to college, or did anything extraordinary with her life. My brother wasn't extremely poor by any means, he just had a hard time getting by financially which is something I think a lot of people can relate to. My brother was a kind hearted and loving person who did the best he could his whole life. He brought laughter and happiness to everybody he knew. He talked to me a lot after he found out about the affair. He was afraid he wouldn't ever find another woman at his age (late 30s), and especially since his wife had put him down so much about his financial situation. I just don't think that nasty woman deserves any happiness in her life, especially because she never did anything to work hard to deserve it. I never liked her, but I just wanted my brother to be happy. But I don't understand why so many women put such a burden on the men in their lives and worship at the pit of money. Although money is a necessity in life, it seems women lust after it more than men do.

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[+3] - vikorr - 07/11/2013I think perhaps you've carried it one step further than the intention - which was purely talking about what men and women are attracted to. As the flip side of your first sentence - Why are so...

@soundsighted,

Quote:

Although money is a necessity in life, it seems women lust after it more than men do.

I wouldn't bet on that if i were you.

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@soundsighted,

Some women, especially those without an education or job, would primarily look for a bread winner. The bigger the winner, the better. I think it's hard-wired in the species. As more and more women get better jobs, hopefully that will change.

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@soundsighted,

I just really love my brother and i miss him. And I just wish I could tell him that there was NOTHING wrong with him, and that everybody always told me that he was the funniest guy they ever met.

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@soundsighted,

Hey, don't you think he knew that...?

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@soundsighted,

I understand your grief and i empathize. That you've lost your brother and agonize over the loss is not a good reason to condemn half the human race as heartless gold-diggers. Believe me when i say that there just as many men who lust after money, and don't care about anything but money or anyone but themselves.

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I don't mean to be dismissive of your grief but people don't commit suicide over ONE thing. I think if you looked closely, there were other things in his life that became overwhelming for him. Some people just can't tolerate life and all that it gives them. Perhaps his wife leaving him was the last straw.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

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@PUNKEY,

Of course i don't know what he was thinking in his head, but he wasn't a depressive person. He loved his friends, he loved his job. He didn't ever complain about anything. myself and others looked to him for advice. After he found out about the affair it was a 180 degree personality change. It was like he was another person I'd never known. I'm no expert, but I know what happened destroyed him. And when you look at society, you don't very often hear about men going after women because of their money, but it's very common place for women to want a man with security. I just don't understand why they can't take that more of that responsibility on themselves. It's no wonder my brother felt so lost after after being betrayed. He felt as though he would be viewed as not being a provider. And he told me he was scared of going it alone into his 40s, not being able to start over. I have female friends who've even made lists of requirements of what men they date must have. Finances is always right in there at the top.

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@soundsighted,

Hi soundsighted. It sounds like your brother was a fine man, and it makes me sad to hear of his, and your loss.

I read a book once that stated that all our reasons for attraction to the opposite sex can be put down to genetics, dating back to caveman days.

It said men were attracted to women who had the best chance of passing their genes on. These were the most attractive women, and also younger women (for as women age their reproductive systems become, ah, less effective).

Women on the other hand, were attracted to males who could provide for, and protect their young, and provide security (security is really an extension of the first two)

So men who were :

- strong, were better able to work hard, and better able to protect
- ambitious / go getters / leaders, were better providers
- and in modern terms - having money leads to better providing, etc
- and just about any male attribute women are attracted to can be related to those two terms (provide and protect).

And we are also evolved enough to admire many other traits (humour, art, self knowledge, genuineness, love of life etc)

--------------
Perhaps there is a partial answer in that for you.

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@vikorr,

so if my brother wasn't a provider, was it right for him to kill himself??? I mean since he didn't fit the ideal that someone else (a woman) wanted him to.

We're not living in caveman times anymore, why should women shoulder so much burden on men? Why shouldn't they adapt and provide for themselves more instead of expecting someone else to do it for them? Men can't expect women to provide for them. My brother certainly couldn't.

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@soundsighted,

I think perhaps you've carried it one step further than the intention - which was purely talking about what men and women are attracted to.

As the flip side of your first sentence - Why are so many older men attracted to younger women? Is that fair to women their own age? Does it mean older women should kill themselves? (the obvious answer - of course not)

There is too, in the genetic attraction 'theory', that there are many attributes of guys, other than money, that women can be attracted to. That your brothers wife focused on money should tell you some things about her, rather than about your brother.

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@vikorr,

Quote:

Why are so many older men attracted to younger women? Is that fair to women their own age? Does it mean older women should kill themselves? (the obvious answer - of course not)

That's a good point, but if a man stayed with a woman unable to bear children, and if he would constantly reproach her infertility, and then left with another woman able to bear child, don't you think she might commit suicide? Don't you think that man would be a terminal asshole?

A woman who reproaches her man of not being strong or rich enough is the same kind of person. Disgusting and despicable.

Leave your partner if you don't get what you need, that's okay, but don't torture your partner by comparing him or her with stereotypes that date indeed from another era.

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@Olivier5,

Attraction & behaviour are two different things - of course you should not emotionally torture your partner (I had thought it implicit in 'that your brothers wife focused on money' when relating that phrase to his post). This too is worth our OP considering.

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@vikorr,

I'm female, and providing for me and children if we had them was never particularly high on my list. The other traits Vikorr mentioned towards the end of his post were much much higher.

Your view of women is a generalization and I've a solution. Be around and talk with more women.

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@ossobuco,

Yep - it's an absolute generalisation. Every person is different in some way to any generalisation.

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@vikorr,

No disagreement, really - I was just expanding on your argument. In summary, the fact that we are hardwired to have certain "needs" or "tropisms" doesn't mean we have a free pass to abuse those who do not fit these.

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@ossobuco,

Oops, wrong 'your view'. That suggestion will help too.

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@vikorr,

I don't understand you, and I'm at my least level of getting stuff.

Be plain, I'm feeling bereft and stupid.

But anyway, the generalization that women worship money points to some guys who have no clue at all, in my opinion.

I'll also guess there are some women who are all for that.

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@ossobuco,

I didn't say I had all the answers. This thread is titled in the form of a question. I want to think that not ALL women worship money. I just can't think of ANY examples where a man desired to be with a woman because of her financial status, whereas the world is littered with the inverse. So much that the goldigging female is somewhat an accepted part of culture. I know many men desire beautiful women, but genetically speaking it makes more sense if you want your offspring to have certain physical traits. I understand that. What I don't understand is in this day and age women are just as, if not more capable of being assertive and being providers for themselves and others. Yet it seems so many women still fall back on this old way of thinking that someone else should provide their security for them. I don't think that's fair to the other person in the equation, as that person then needs to provide for them self AND their partner (effectively shouldering all the responsibility or at least most of the responsibility). In this sense women are being sexist against themselves, setting themselves back.

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@soundsighted,

soundsighted wrote:

I just can't think of ANY examples where a man desired to be with a woman because of her financial status

I could give you dozens of examples in my real-life work and social circles. It may be a generational thing or the women I run with - but they are the money-makers in their relationships. I suspect it has to do with the women I know - who have done extraordinarily well in their careers. For three of my four closest friends, their husbands stayed home to care for their children as their wives out-earned them so significantly. In two of those cases, it was always obvious that the attraction in the couple was the woman's earning power.

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