Did they have sex on that day?

Reply Wed 17 Apr, 2013 05:23 am
We are married for the last 15 yrs and reasonably enjoying our life. My wife's cousin sister who is of the same age and married also live in the same city. Both the the families are quite close to each other and meet frequently. I feel attracted towards my sis in law ever since they shifted to this city about 7 yrs back. But have never gone beyond the soft touches and flirty jokes and a long lip kiss once. I know that my wife and her jiju (cousin's husband) like each other and flirt as well. Infact me and my wife fatasise a lot about this couple during sex and we both enjoy this a lot.

3 months back, we had a family function coming and the invitations were to be given to close ones. I was on a business tour, hence my wife was doing the invitation part. Her sister had to to go out for a night at the relatives place and she told my wife that they don't need a formal invitation as she had invited them over phone.

My wife still decided to extend the invitation personally (told me also on the phone) and went their place the day her cousin was not there. She spent about 3 hrs there when her jiju was alone in the evening after he returned from office.

On my return, I felt that my wife was a little uncomfortable. I have a feeling that something happened between them that day. Did they have sex? How should I handle this?
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Reply Wed 17 Apr, 2013 08:39 am
Why do you jump to conclusions? How do you know their meeting has anything to do with her seeming "uncomfortable"?

Sit down with your wife and gently ask her if everything is OK. Do not mention his name. This may have nothing to do with him or them.

Your insecure, jealous mind has overtaken your ability to find out what has happened between you and your wife (if there was anything at all. This all may be in your head)
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Reply Thu 18 Apr, 2013 07:59 am
Accept the possibility of this.

However, if this is true, do you love your wife any less? I would hope not.

Your insecurity and inquisition play a roll in this theatre: as you question your wife, you are more likely to commit acts against her that you would consider equal and justifiable to the presumed transgression. What you are experiencing now is called cognitive dissonance. You are considering making a move on your wife's cousin. You are having conflicting points of view on your own identity and that of your partner.

Does your wife know about your long kiss with her cousin? If she felt that she was unfairly treated by your own indulgences, she is more predisposed to seeking to settle the score in some way.

Does it matter if she slept with someone else? Especially if it were discreet and no one else knows? The answer will come down to how comfortable you are revealing your own secrets. Just as much as someone is drawn to settling the score after an unfair interaction, people are drawn to return kindness and genuineness when it is perceived.

Spinning the topic slightly, this is part of the reason why no one should be 100% good in a relationship. Most people won't trust it and they will assume you are satisfying your inherent natures (sexual and otherwise) behind a facade of spoken intentions. You will find that some people are more at ease when you feel comfortable saying whatever is on your mind, good or bad. If someone is going to leave you for doing something in accordance to your nature, are they really right for you?

Your mutually shared fantasies of the couple were an exploration of that facet of your comfort. You made each other feel more comfortable by admitting to internal desire. Right now, you may just be trying to reconfirm that the relationship has continued to be fair. You want a "piece of the cake" too if she has done something.

It's not a bad thing; it's human nature. Show her the love she deserves as your wife, and follow what your heart feels. If you feel angry, let yourself be angry. Just don't do anything you feel you would regret (look into epicureanism versus hedonism).

There is a tit-for-tat rule when it comes to cheaters. If you want to learn something negative that someone has done against you, admit to something you have done against them. The moment they feel that you won't have the highground after an admittance, they are more likely to be open and honest about the subject. A second trick is to feign indifference, posing that your interest is purely for the sake of curiosity and because you are trying to "find out what makes them happy and give it to them." If there are no negative emotions associated with admitting something, there is less resistance to doing so.

A word of warning: the first version of the story that any cheater admits to is a downplay or deception of what actually happened. Volume and quality are often downplayed for the sake of trying to salvage their relationship with you. You need to take time to break down to the truth --- or accept the possibility that you will never have the full truth.

No one likes a pushover, and no one likes a whiner. But don't be afraid of the fact that sometimes we all are one.

She does care about you.
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