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Sat 23 Mar, 2013 03:43 pm
I have been dating a girl for over 6 months now, we get along really well, I enjoy her company and I have strong feelings for her. However, I am starting to realize that she is in love with her friend's boyfriend, let's call him Joe. My girlfriend's friend and Joe have an on again off again long distance relationship.
So the reason I think my girlfriend is in love with Jim is that she is always talking about him, she calls him and texts him on a regular basis, she is very defensive of him, when he comes to town she usually picks him up at the airport and they both of them go out for drinks. When he's here she very different around him, very giddy and excited. She says they are really good friends and they have known each other for years. Then last weekend she told me that she told her girlfriend that she thinks Jim is oozing sex appeal.
So, writing it out like this, I realize this is not a question anymore but a statement.
The reason I am confused is that if she is in love with this guy then why did she go seeking a relationship online? that is where we met. What is her plan with me? is it to make him jealous? Should I finish this relationship as it cannot end well? even if I stay with her she will always resent me and would never be happy as she will always be thinking of Jim.
I'm meeting my girlfriend tonight for dinner, what should I say to her? when I ask her if she is in love with Jim she will just deny it and then probably turn it around on me and say that I am insecure or something.
@whatthe,
Sorry to read this. No idea what or why she's doing this but it might be that she's unaware. I'd hate to think she's aware of it.
You might want to tell her that it's been great but you need to move on in order to protect yourself from being hurt. Without blaming her or putting her on the defensive, you might want to say that you feel her distance and you want more from a relationship than she can provide.
You need to find out if she has real relationship feelings for him or is he a boy-friend (and I mean this as a close friend, could-never-be-sexual (her)
I have a few close male friends where we feel that way about each other. But I keep it in its place.
You also need to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable when she talks about another man that way ((he's hot, we talk, constant texting in front of you, etc..)
What does this other girl think? (Joe's girl) Is she jealous of your GF?
@whatthe,
Sound like a crush, I wouldn't go so far as to say she's in love with Jim.
I think you should just keep being a good boyfriend, continue to be charming and delightful, and she'll be reminded of what she has. Confronting her on this subject can help put her back in place, but I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Does she love you? That's the question that matters more. Work on your relationship with her, and don't worry too much about Jim, pretty soon he'll fall way behind in her mind.
@whatthe,
Well, if it really bothers you I would definitely confront her. If I were in your situation, I would feel uncomfortable too. Her behavior around this guy sounds really inappropriate. When you meet her tonight, just be honest about how you feel and about your concerns for your relationship. Don't be too antagonizing because it could lead to an unnecessary fight. If she understands and apologizes then all the better. If she gets too defensive about it then honestly the best thing to do would be to move on and find someone better. No one deserves to be in a situation they feel uncomfortable in.
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