Where do pets come from?

(A rare mass email that I think is worth sharing...)

Lol - it is a cutie, isn't it?

My cat craps...

I've never trusted cats, and now I know why... :wink:

Sozobe's story reminded me of the one where Adam was alone on the earth. God asked one of his angels, "How's that man-project coming along down there."

The angel replied, "Not good, Lord. Something is troubling the man."

God parted the clouds and bellowed to the man, "What is wrong, man? What is the problem?"

"Adam looked up and said, "Well, this is a really nice place you gave me here, chief. Lots of nice plants, clean water, beautiful scenery, cool friggin' animals, but the thing is.... I'm kinda lonely down here."

God said, "No problem man. I will give you a woman."

"What the hell is a woman?" Adam asked.

"She will be your perfect companion", said God, "she'll be beautiful, charming, articulate, and intelligent. She will fulfill your every need and desire. She will shower you with praise, love you intensely, fight for you, and, if need be, she will die for you. She will have an insatiable need for sex and will service you in the blink of an eye. She will be.... the greatest thing you could possibly imagine."

"Sounds good" said Adam, "send her down."

"Not so fast, Adam. Such a precious thing doesn't come cheap. She will cost you."

"Er, how much?" asked Adam.

God thought it over and said, "Your left arm, your right leg, your left eye, your left ear, and your right testicle."

Adam thought about this proposition for a second and said, "Er, what can you give me for a rib?"

The story is obviously specious--everyone knows that cats are the spawn of Satan.

I don't think cats are from Satan. Saint Francis of Assisi wrote a Canticle of the Creatures, an ode to God's living things. "All praise to you, Oh Lord, for all these brother and sister creatures." And there was testimony in the cause for St. Clare of Assisi's canonization that referred to her little cat!

cats'r'icky.

Now, dogs, dogs are divine.

<grins>

Delightful, sozobe.

Dogs suck....

Here is another one of those mass emails. It is a good one too. I plan on actually making the sign for my door


MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG & CAT....

Dear Dog and Cat:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter i s short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

Cute, Aldistar! :-D

The ancient Egyptians worshiped cats. Since then humans have forgoten this but the cat has not.

Hello, Sam, & welcome to A2K.
Ah, don't you feel sorry for those people who don't see the pure magic & mystery in cats?

Hi Msolga,

I went looking for help with a dog problem and found A2K. Wow! something for everyone.
Yes there is magic and mystery in cats. What I really appreciate is the afection. Rumpelteaser I slept on my pillow, washed my hair and was an arogant TOM CAT. I still love him and hope he is having a great time in Heaven. Having a cat for a friend is one of lifes truly great experiences.

Sam

Sam
I'm reminded of this each and every day, by the boss - at left!

Hi Sam

Rumpelteaser sounds like one of THE great cats! May he be sleeping blissfully on a pillow in cat heaven.