10
   

My father wants me to be a social person. But I am happy with who I am.

 
 
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2012 02:39 pm
For example, I am alone in this new year's day. I will be eating outside alone tonight. He asked if I was going out with my friends. I lied to him. I said "Yes, I am". In truth, I am not going out with anyone. Perhaps, I could hook up with someone in my language course. But I really didn't want to.

He doesn't want me to play computer games, and also doesn't want me to spend much time in front of the computer screen. But I want to spend much of my time with computer. I either study foreign languages or play computer games. Much of my computer time is consist of reading newspapers in a foreign language, message boards in a foreign language, watching Youtube with an intend to train my ear in foreign languages. (My foreign language being English by the way)

He says "You are 19 and have never dated any girl. And You have never had any girl friend. I suspect you are a gay!"
I am not a gay person. But it pains me to see that my father is homophobic. I could be gay. And as far as I know, being a gay is not a person's choice. Why blame and demonize gay people?
Moreover, I may never ever have a girlfriend in my life. Perhaps I will be forever alone. Perhaps it's somewhat sad to not have a girlfriend but I am okay with that. I have friends, fellows, my books, my computer etc. Why would I need a girlfriend?

I had a teacher in high school who used to say "What I don't know doesn't make me sad." He was right. The faults, character flaws etc. that I don't dwell on doesn't make me feel bad. But my fathers always reminds me of my faults, flaws etc. Why would he do that?

What should I do in order to stop my father from painfully criticizing me about my not having a relationship with a girl, not being social and always remind me of my flaws?

Thanks for reading!
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Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 3,436 • Replies: 24

 
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2012 04:34 pm
@cicibebe,
Cic, if you indeed exist, you are in a tough spot

Quote:
But I am happy with who I am.
Then why the q

I admire your courage as ESL participating in such a ruthless crowd

Being no expert in the field though having dabbled myself I might advise "get help," but then don't blame me if it doesn't

Quote:
Why would I need a girlfriend?
I can only respond that books have been written…….to little avail……...

Nonetheless Cic hang in there. It could get worse but it might get better. much better

Meantime don't judge your dad too harshly. Doubtless owing largely to my own intransigence mine ultimately committed suicide


Guys, guys, yes she might be a bot, yet occasionally one's irresistible
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2012 04:59 pm
@cicibebe,
Keep on being who you are, for gosh sake. I think life will be easier if you don't lie about going out with someone, or anything else when you can avoid it. You just may have to tell dad who you are, as well as us.

You might consider leaving yourself more open to social situations, but it would be a hard thing to force yourself into. Don't push it, but keep your self open to possibilites.
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  3  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2012 08:08 pm
@cicibebe,
You're not alone in wanting to be alone.
nothingtodo
 
  0  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2012 08:44 pm
@cicibebe,
If I read you correctly, you spend a great deal of time in 'yeah, yeah, I know' mode.. With 'but I really am just like that dad' or 'My life is this way dad'.

You need to harden up or it will remain as intensely produced.

Try
'Damnit!, this, AGAIN!'
'All the bloody time!, I am trying to be comfortable with who I am!'.

It will go on until you are in a world of hurt just through belief exposure otherwise, I know fella, I really do.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 02:37 am
@cicibebe,
Unlike the rest, I'm with your dad on this one.

But you may not understand why for another 20 years...(of course that is just a guess)

p.s. the opinion isn't related to 'you being happy with who you are' - which is a good thing

p.p.s. - that said, I'm somewhat dubious that all parts of you are happy with who you are...which is saying that part of you is happy with who you are, but perhaps not every part of you is.
nothingtodo
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 03:22 am
@vikorr,
I will have to disagree with you on this one, calling people as the OP gay, does not function as a fulcrum for change, it merely promotes the inferiority complexes associated with lack of patience and in this world perhaps the requirement, for a bachelor to enjoy his bachelor life, until it is time to make a stable home life. Particularly when repeated* attempts at explanation are made and fail. Seeing only homosexuality is ludicrous and it bothers fathers more than the young these days.

A stable home life in this population slowdown age, does not always have to revolve around home and family. It can and must, revolve around peace of mind for some.

Relaxation does not arise from this argument and whats more the absolute ignorance of the views of the young*, can result in complete failure to comply at any time.. Perhaps these days it is also less probable that the right woman will walk into a life any-way.. That will not be helped by uncomfortable pushes out the door, that majorly results in marriages doomed to failure and seedy apartment activities.
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 03:40 am
@cicibebe,
Quote:
Moreover, I may never ever have a girlfriend in my life. Perhaps I will be forever alone. Perhaps it's somewhat sad to not have a girlfriend but I am okay with that. I have friends, fellows, my books, my computer etc. Why would I need a girlfriend?

have you mentioned this abnormal behavior to a doctor? perhaps there is a hormone problem.
nothingtodo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 04:01 am
@hawkeye10,
Whilst you await his response, might I have your ear briefly?.

You term such behavior 'abnormal', yet it is clearly not in most cases, probability actually favors, that behavior as this, is in fact humanities evolved attitude, given intellect rises above emotion in everyday living.

I do sit back, however, at the reason for your post, I am not suggesting you are incorrect otherwise.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 04:11 am
@nothingtodo,
Quote:
You term such behavior 'abnormal',
a 19yo male not knowing what girls are for, why he should want one, is abnormal.

Quote:
given intellect rises above emotion in everyday living
haha...there is a joker in every crowd

Quote:
I do sit back, however, at the reason for your post
the reason is to point out to a freak that he is a freak, so that he might better understand his fathers concerns.
nothingtodo
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 04:21 am
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
a 19yo male not knowing what girls are for, why he should want one, is abnormal
/quote.

This is only abnormal in a world under God or not, in which people are not having 3 children and letting unwanted pregnancies happen in vast societal circles. Even then, it is a matter of choice to choose who one wants and loves, not a matter of systematic, robotic forcing. Your avatar would be most ashamed of you, in the sense that they find a mate and mate for that purpose, the hunt and freedom dominate every other day, much as the friends and activities, plus freedom of mind dominate mans..

At least in a world without your irritating kind of attitude, childishly ruining mentalities as though they belong to you, when you cannot even back up what you are saying, but for 1 time a month, when women hide from your ape like sniffing with perfume. The rest of the month they coax you to stupidity with the same so you can amusingly beat your chest in whatever watered down form you can get your sweaty palms on.

Quote:
haha...there is a joker in every crowd
/Quote
He said laughing, whilst another pondered another asshole who wants mating pairs to dominate the world, with zero regard for humanity as a singular.

Quote:
the reason is to point out to a freak that he is a freak, so that he might better understand his fathers concerns.
/Quote

You really still have not grasped thew worlds crisis have you?
This is not a fuckery, the swinging sixties is over.
0 Replies
 
cicibebe
 
  0  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 09:30 am
@hawkeye10,
Which of my behavior is abnormal?
Do you think I don't want a girlfriend? I didn't say I didn't want a girlfriend. I meant I could make it matter less.

For example, imagine your mother is just died. How can you deal with the loss of your mother? There is nothing you can do except "making it matter less". And, I do the same thing to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. By that, I mean I make it matter less. I don't whine about not having a girlfriend. Of course, I want a one but I just don't want to talk about it. I just don't want to complain about it.
contrex
 
  0  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 09:39 am
hawkeye10 is a well known dick around this forum. He often posts just to start arguments and antagonize people. Ignore him.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 09:50 pm
Well - how much time DO you spend in front of the computer? Is there a possibility that you immerse yourself in your solitary work rather than face people?

Try getting outside of the house and socializing with living people for the same amount of time as you sit in front of the computer.

Your father is concerned about your lack of social activity. He is afraid that you won't meet other people. His remark about being gay is from this fear. Ignore the remark but pay attention to his concern.

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 10:14 pm
@cicibebe,
cicibebe wrote:
What should I do in order to stop my father from painfully criticizing me about my not having a relationship with a girl, not being social and always remind me of my flaws?


maybe he'll be happier if you tell him about going out for dinner with the German couple - how you insulted Muslims - how your meal was paid for by the couple - how you want to do more of that

no?

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 10:15 pm
@cicibebe,
cicibebe wrote:

Which of my behavior is abnormal?


http://able2know.org/topic/203962-1#post-5198068
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 10:27 pm
@ehBeth,
yikes...this proud refusal to be socially acceptable and accepted seems to be a theme with this guy....almost a "i will reject you before you can reject me" thing.
nothingtodo
 
  0  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2013 11:37 pm
@hawkeye10,
Y'know you hide behind a front which exists in the mind of the 'easy' to accept, and that your views are frowned upon by those who wish for polite conversation?

Do you not realize that social acceptability does not solely revolve around saying the acceptable thing?.. It must include figuring out what is happening and what others believe, or a are going through.

Also, because he would reject, perhaps, I am not saying he would, you are... reject others quickly, means you should irritate with name calling?.
How on earth would that ever fix it?.
Personally I do not see someone who needs 'fixing' I see someone who needs a certain amount of peace with themselves and as much time as they require to be who they want to be.

Without presuming gayness, fear, hatred, spite, weakness and the likes of those.. Perhaps that sort of thing is why misery is a common theme in the lives of some.
0 Replies
 
alimmm
 
  0  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 05:14 am
@joefromchicago,
I am alone in this new year's day. I will be eating outside alone tonight. He asked if I was going out with my friends. I lied to him. I said "Yes, I am". In truth, I am not going out with anyone. Perhaps, I could hook up with someone in my language course. But I really didn't want to.I am happy Alone
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 02:22 pm
@nothingtodo,
Quote:
I will have to disagree with you on this one, calling people as the OP gay
Err...is that what you got out of it?

Well, I guess I wasn't clear, because I was talking about his father wanting him to socialise - as that's what all the previous posters focused on (which should have tied in with me saying 'I disagree with the previous posters')
 

 
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